Inspired by the current pit rant to which I can’t be bothered linking.
Wrtie a shopping list of no more than five items (that you would expect to find in a modern mega-store), the juxtaposition of which is most likely to cause the cashier to blush, raise his/her eyebrows or avoid eye contact.
For example:
A roll of duct tape
A tube of KY jelly
A cucumber
A bottle of chocolate syrup
A feather duster
A box of gerbil food
A box of latex gloves
A jar of Vaseline
A funnel
At your friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart…
Shovel
Rope
Ammo
Tarp
Cheetos
('cause the cashier is certainly going to ask what the Cheetos are for…)
Vegetable oil (largest size container available)
Whipped cream
Garden hose
A Twister game
Dog biscuits
Bag of Quicklime
Food Processor
Hair Dye
Copy of “The Cat in the Hat”
Bottle of Acyclovir
Bottle of Canker-Sore Ointment
I could probably come up with a few things that I’ve actually sold, too…
A copy of some white-supremist book, on special order by a fellow with a red “Celtic Cross”/“Zodiac Symbol” pin.
A large stack of women’s thongs, each one having to be detached from an anti-theft magnet, and have the special sale price entered.:o
I had a guy stand in line in front of me who was wearing leather chaps, no shirt, lust leather tack and a leather ballcap. All he was buying was a bunch of bananas and a dozen roses. Hot date, I guess.
A poster of steve martin
a map of california
shotgun shells
Micro-Chips
Cooking Oil
Vinegar
A Goldfish
These are ACTUAL items that I purchased last year. The cashier is probably still having nightmares.
A box of tampons (hey, I needed them)
Eight boxes of condoms (we were decorating for a bachelorette party)
A tube of Prepartation H (there’s a beauty tip that says Prep H will reduce the redness that sometimes lingers after a zit, and we thought we’d give this a go prior to the wedding photos being taken. I’m sorry to report it didn’t work very well.)
I was thinking the same thing when I read that thread in the pit. Here’s my try:
case of Fleet enemas
gallon of castor oil
tarp
drain auger/snake
giant bale of paper towels
Five gallons of Wesson oil
Roll of plastic sheeting
five jars of peanut butter (three chunky, two creamy)
large bag of cat litter
turkey baster
A toilet brush
googly eyes
An oar (just one)
spray cheese
sheer thong underwear
Two huge tubs of axle grease
A box of latex gloves
One Mickey Mouse Halloween costume.
A broomstick.
On a related note, an ex-girlfriend and I once went Christmas shopping and ended up coming to the counter with an inflatable sheep, a GWAR video, a hot water bottle, and approximately twenty Hello Kitty stuffed animals. We could tell the cashier was using every ounce of her control to not ask what the hell we were planning. 
Penthouse (current issue)
1/5 Jose Cuervo
Pipe Screens
Tylenol
one-use disposible enema kit
toothbrush
blank videotapes
I once went to Meijer at 2:00 am and purchased:
a block of cheese
a casette single
underwear
hair mousse
fish food
I got a few raised eyebrows.
a box of condoms
a quart of motor oil
a shoe horn
pack of cigarettes
can of Red Bull
Johnny Mathis CD
I’d get through the 5 or less aisle, because the Red Bull doesn’t count since it was an “impulse purchase”.
Rope
Garbage bags
Duct tape
Very large roasting pan
Hatchet
And I would HOPE the cashier would nip out and get my licence plate number!