The candle was on the window sill beside me. I lit it and then threw the match between my legs into the toilet. It ricocheted off my panties and set my crotch on fire.
::Breaking News::
jarbabyj has just been arrested by Australian police officers, who suspect her of being behind the spate of bush fires around Sydney.
More at 11.
“It ricocheted off my panties and set my crotch on fire.”
Sounds like the verse from a Country and Western song.
LOL! Lieu, you rock.
b.
…And it’s deep, too!
Course Billy, might’n that Super Hard Turtle Wax you put on yourthighs have something to do with their lack of an appreciable toehold?
I love you guys.
:: wipes tears from eyes ::
A dear friend of mine used to work the customer support line for a major plumbing fixtures company. She was being trained, being new to the job, and had a phone headset on that had no mic, so she would merely listen in on her trainer’s calls.
One of the calls started with the man on the other line saying something like “Am I glad to hear you; you won’t believe how many times I called in and got a woman on the phone, but I’m too embarrassed to talk to one about this.” The (male) trainer looked over at my friend who was listening in, then asked what the problem was. It seems that he’d just gotten a new toilet from this company, and when he sat down on it, he also experienced the “dipping” phenomenon but without having to lean forward to cause it. What the caller wanted was to know which of the company’s toilets had a larger gap between the seat level and the water level. Meanwhile the CS guy had to keep from laughing, and my friend was giggling her head off while listening in. 
Unless you bleach your toilet after each use… it’s not… just… water…
eww
Opal
who can’t decide if she’s more grossed out at the toilet aspect or at the prospect of a gigantic scrotum
Don’t look at me, I got nothin’ to do with this!
Cranky adds Carcosa to her list of favorite new posters
No zipper stories, please. Besides, I don’t tend to “take 'em out” when my pants are merely unzipped. Just invites disaster.
And it frightens the neighbors.
b.
You mean this isn’t a desired effect? Huh. I think I’ve been doing it wrong.
Jeez, you guys lead exciting bathroom lives. I mean, I get excited when I get quilted toilet paper…
Well wipe my ass with a quilt!
Now that’s a saying you don’t hear every day.
“And that’s how I learned the true meaning of Christmas…”
Just one more reason to go commando. Those fuckin’ panties’ll kill ya.
Y’know…you really got balls to even tell this tale.
And I do mean balls! Thanks for sharing! No…really!
[sub]quietly looking up Billy’s email to request pic of said balls…just for the helluvit…[/sub]
I seriously almost knocked over my computer laughing so hard. Thank you, Giraffe. I haven’t had such a giggle in ages.
It’s a good thing your mom didn’t take my advice about floating votive candles in the toilet bowl.