I just woke up a bare mattress. Crap, I meant to pull my sheets out of the laundry before going to bed. But then I don’t remember going to bed. I also don’t remember clearing the clothes I ironed off my bed either. My underwear’s on backwards. My cum towel is slung over the hallway railing - I know I didn’t put that there. But I definitely remember pulling it out. My cousin is home now, where he wasn’t before. And there’s the cup of canola oil I used, on my bookshelf, which is not where I keep it. God - there’s no chance of there being a more dignified explanation. I must have been escorted to bed after being found passed out at my computer pantless sitting on a cum towel!
Christ, I only had four beers! I took the fourth because I wanted to see if I could handle it. That answers that, I guess. I’ve never blacked out before in my life - what a way to start.
Oh well, I’m immediately over the embarassment - at least it was my male cousin of the same age who found me, and I imagine it was quite a funny sight for him. I can’t wait to ask him the details when he wakes up.
…
decides to delete the phrase “cum towel” from his memory…
Dude. That’s disgusting. Like whoa.
Kleenex isn’t that expensive, buddy. Sounds to me like you might want to invest in some.
Augh… I can’t stop thinking about a semen incrusted towel now. Ew, ew, ew.
Yeah, but on the bright side, you woke up a bare mattress, which is quite an impressive accomplishment.
Just don’t wake up a bear mattress. They get very cranky if you rouse them from hibernation.
(And by the way, if the above scenario had happened to me, I would swear my roomie to secrecy on pain of death, and never, ever, ever mention it again. Or post it on a messageboard. No, on second thoughts, the first one.)
I don’t even want to think about the canola oil. Or where you usaully keep it.
I’d say you own your cousin big time.
owe. that should be owe. If you owned your cousin you wouldn’t have to be jerking off.
I’d say your cousin pwns you.
Hope your cousin doesn’t have a video-enabled cellphone and a Youtube account…
I can’t help wondering if the real question here is 'Did I just wander off and leave my computer logged into the SDMB?"
Only four beers???
You are a wuss. 
No, no. It’s me, telling my business to the world. The funny thing is that the situation was so over-the-top that I had to view it from a third-person perspective and find it not embarassing but hilarious. If any aspect of the story was tamed, I wouldn’t want to talk about this to anyone, but it was just so zany (like, why did my underwear have to be on backwards? Did my cousin coax me into doing that for his own amusement?) that I can’t be humiliated by it.
Tissue might be adequate for dribblers who just need to clean up afterwards but I’m the type who needs to protect the carpert during.
How on Earth do you keep everything contained with little pieces of Kleenex??
Okay, false alarm. I just asked him what happened, and he didn’t know what I was talking about - he said I was sleeping in my room when he came home. I must have drunkenly made my way back to my room and said “eff it” to the bare matress. So there’s no story here at all - just forget this thread ever happened. Especially the cum towels and canola oil. Sorry for the fabricated drama, though in my defense, I did pose the thread title as a question.
He’s lying to save you embarrassment.
Or save himself embarrassment.
Or to buy himself some time while he converts that video to mpeg before uploading it.
Four beers…$4.00
One towel…$7.95
Getting snockered, committing atrocities with the towel, passing out and being discovered by your cousin…Priceless
One month later, finding out your cousin videoed you and you are now a star on YouTube…BWAH-HAH-HAH!!!
Also, your cousin spiked your beer, so he could set the whole thing up.
Please, please, please tell us that you don’t cook with the same bottle of canola oil that you abused yourelf with last night…! :eek:
As for your personal ‘rag’, does it have to be said that you should drop it into a triple-bagged cinch-sak with tongs and then throw out the tongs too ?