So twice in the last few months we thought my wife had some horrible fatal illness and her painful death was imminent, that I was soon to be a widower and our 3-year-old daughter a semi-orphan. Wife has Hepatitis C, which she got from a blood transfusion back in the 80s. A few months ago, some blood work revealed that her viral load was high. GP says, “Looks like your Hep C is turning acute; better get yourself to a hepatologist.” We say, “Fuck.” Antivirals are only moderately successful against Hep C, and the side effects are tough–there is no way my wife would have been able to tolerate them, as her health is in general not great. So we figure we have cirrhosis and death to look forward to. After a couple of weeks of waiting, anguish and dread, the hepatologist tells her not to worry, Hep C is just hanging out, not doing any damage. It’s been there for 20+ years, so as long as she stays away from the Tylenol and the booze, she’ll die of something else.
We breathe a sigh of relief. Prematurely. A few weeks ago, wife gets walking pneumonia. We’re not real worried. But the doctor orders a chest x-ray, which reveals a spot on wife’s right lung. Doctor immediately drops into Serious Doctor Delivering Bad News Mode and refers wife to a pulmonologist. Pulmonologist looks at x-ray, also adopts SDDBNM and orders fluoroscopy. We are filled with fear, knowing as we do that the 5-year survival rate for lung cancer is 20%. Those are not good odds. After a few weeks of waiting, anguish and dread, spot on lung is revealed to be a burst blood vessel, which the pulmonologist tells us is no big deal.
Fuck. I don’t know how much more of this my feeble heart can take. On the bright side, it has made us again appreciate that life shouldn’t be taken for granted, and we are going to live every goddamn minute of it. That means not staying in Massachusetts for 5-6 years as previously planned, but heading abroad ASAP and living life like we want to.
That’s really shitty–but also good, in a way, because all those terrible things could, so easily, be happening–and now you know they’re not. Something very similar happened to my family lately–first it was my dad, something was wrong with his prostate, so they had to test for cancer… it was benign. At basically the same time, something went wrong with my sister–had to test for thyroid cancer. It was benign again. This all happened within a few weeks and it was really hard on all of us. My sister still has issues with her health but at least the worst diagnosis’ are taken care of.
It sounds like it was even rougher for you guys but I am so glad all is well! I do think those hard moments made my family closer. I’m glad it had a similar effect for you.
Through jocularity of dealing with Disease That Won’t Go Away and can Really Fuck You Up, just remember:we all have a 100% chance of dying in our lifetimes. We just don’t know of what. or, in your wife’s case, she has a pretty good guess. Or we all could be destroy by an meteor smashing into earth tomorrow!!!111!!!.
Roll with it, baby , roll with it.
I’m preachin’ it. We lived overseas for 6 years, and love the excitement. When circumstances (i.e., the war in Lebanon) forced us to return to the US, we always planned to go overseas again. We just thought we would chill for a few years in the States before doing so, even though we didn’t find the idea pleasing or exciting. Now our attitude is, “To hell with it. We’re going now.” I’m interviewing for jobs now.
Sorry to hear about the emotional roller-coaster you’ve been suffering. But, glad for the outcomes. I hope you find a job you enjoy and takes you to someplace fascinating, and pleasant.
Indeed. It’s especially important for my wife. She was really close to my mother, who died of breast cancer when she was 55. My parents had planned to do all the fun stuff–travelling, etc.–after they retired. Oh well. So my wife has always said she wants to live life as though she is going to die at 55, and not postpone living until later.