Humans aren’t designed in the first place. Like all other species on the planet, we’re evolved. No plan, no aim, just what happens.
Why? And do you mean for both parents?
Maternal age isn’t the only factor here. Paternal age can also affect a child’s health.
In my opinion, as long as everyone involved is rationally prepared for relatively early parental death, and there are solid economic and social plans in place to continue raising and supporting young people through their early life - have at it!
There are lots of kids who are/have been raised by their grandparents and they seem to turn out well. I think in many cases, they turned out better than if their biological parents had raised them.
I had my first and only at 41, and I can promise I’m a better, more patient and attentive mother at this age than I would have been at 19 or 25. I didn’t plan to wait this long; the partner I loved through my 30s never wanted children and when I stumbled across a partner who did, I jumped at the chance. I can’t recommend elderly gravida; I was terrified the entire pregnancy and my high risk status cost me, my employer, and the healthcare system roughly four times what the average pregnancy costs. The drawbacks to a pregnancy over 35 were concrete, measurable, and frightening, but having this very wanted child was a deliberate, conscious decision for her father and for me.
Though both sets of grandparents are alive, healthy, and very involved, they are approaching 70 and the likelihood of all four seeing my girl graduate is slim. But the benefits my child will have surpass what 25 year old me could have provided. Her parents are far less self-absorbed and we have the resources, time, and desire to devote the rest of our lives to raising a smart, empathetic, and healthy child. And the benefits probably surpass that of the average 25 year old mother who has less maturity, money, and on the whole: a less settled existence. My mother was 19 with my sister, 25 with me, and I gotta tell ya, our memories, family photos, and home movies are a scandal. Mom and Dad drinking beer/s around a roaring campfire and pool with friends while we cavorted naked and apparently barely supervised. Mom and Dad hosting and attending a packed schedule of parties with lots of drinking, Dad gone for hours each day as he trained for marathons, Mom incredibly busy with being beautiful and attracting/deflecting constant male attention, both parents missing a lot of my dance recitals and sis’ piano recitals because they were running, playing golf, or pursuing other hobbies and interests that required the lion’s share of their time and attention. And they were very much in love and caught up in each other: there wasn’t a lot of time left over for me and my sister. We had a great life, my sis and I, but we raised ourselves much of the time.
Fast-forward to today, wherein Mom tells me frequently that she wishes she’d done this or that activity with me, that she feels I’m a better, more attentive and patient mother than she was. And she’s right. Not because I’m a better person, but because I’m older, more settled, and more inclined to sacrifice my own pursuits in favor of devoting myself to raising a terrific kid. Ask Mom for advice, she says “Honey, we didn’t know what we were doing. We were just trying not to kill you two.” Ask us the same and our biggest concern will be how not to spoil this very loved, very wanted, very treasured kid.
He’s 3 now and I’m 50.
When I hit 40 I knew I was never having another child, although I wanted more than one. First of all, my son was 6, second of all, my relationship was still fairly newish at that time and I didn’t want to raise a child in an uncertain relationship. Also I had trouble getting pregnant the first time and was not going to start, at age 40 any kind of adoption paperwork or fertility treatments.
I’m 43 now, if I became pregnant I would be happy, thrilled even, but I am happy with what I have. I feel a little sad that my son has no siblings, or close in age cousins anywhere nearby. (My husband (son’s stepdad) has nieces and nephews ranging in age from 17 to 7 in Barrie ON so we see them yearly at best) But we are a close-knit family of three that does things together regularly (Board game nights at least twice a week, he comes out with us to restaurants and sporting events and occasionally even concerts, every weekend is at least one activity centred on his tastes and interests)
My grandmother who is in her mid nineties had my youngest aunt at age 43. My aunt’s children are in their late teens/early 20s and could easily have children of their own, (but are university/career track kids so unlikely to have children anytime soon)
Halle Berry is 47? Criminy.
Google says she’s 46, actually, and shall remain so until 14th August.
Ms. Berry has diabetes so I question the “perfect health” claim, but it seems that she has her condition under control and is otherwise in good health. It’s a chronic condition but usually manageable. It does increase some risks with pregnancy, but then so does being 47. In her favor she has the money to seek the best possible medical care. Most babies born to women who are older, diabetic, or both turn out OK.
As to the OP’s question - I wouldn’t put an upper limit on it. So much depends on the individual woman’s health and medical condition. If I recall correctly, the oldest natural conception occurred when the woman was 57 and the resulting child was normal. While there are arguments for having children when you’re younger as long as people are being sensible about things (like seeing a doctor, prenatal care, etc.) I don’t have an objection to older women getting pregnant.
Male, early forties and childless
While I don’t think there should be an absolute age here, I am beginning to question how good of a parent I would be. 60 years old with teens ok but 70 I think is too late. If I have kids I want to be a good and able parent, I doubt it is going to happen at this point.
Capt
I know someone who gave birth to twins a few months before she turned 50. This was maybe 7 or 8 years ago and she’s still in good health as are her kids. So, I really don’t think there should be an absolute age because one woman might be fine having kids at 50 and live another 30+ years, where another could be just in her 30s and in such terrible health that it’s a bad idea just for the health of the kid, muchless that she’d live through to the child’s adulthood. Sure, it’s odd when women choose to have kids into their 40s, and there certainly are increased health risks as a woman ages, but that’s why it needs to be a decision between her, the father, and their doctor as it relates to their health, their ability to raise and support the child, etc.
I would say birth should occur before either parents 47th birthday. The idea of minor children having a parent of retirement/Medicare/etc age is what gets me. My dad turned 65 with a 17 year old child at home and that always was strange to me.
I just had my first and only child three weeks ago, at age 46 plus 4 months. She was completely unexpected–I figured that at age 45, Mother Nature was a sufficient form of birth control. I was wrong, obviously. My pregnancy was, fortunately, remarkably uneventful and she is a healthy baby. This isn’t how I would have planned things, but I wouldn’t change anything. I do feel a bit uncomfortable with my age, but I am healthy and having her is strong motivation to get even healthier.
I did say “AFAIK” - I didn’t know she was diabetic. But you’re right, it does have the potential throw a wrench into the works. As long as it’s monitored and kept under control, it doesn’t change my opinion of her decision.
KSO, CongratuLAtions Momma! High five. As Gomer Pyle would say, " Surprise, surprise, surprise!"
I think at least one parent should be 35 or younger. My wife and I are 42-year-old parents of 3-year-old twins… love 'em to death, which is good, because they’re about to kill us.
It’s not a question of absolutes, but probabilities. Certain birth defects are strongly correlated with the mother’s age, and that starts to become a non-trivial concern past 40 or so. Still far more likely to have a healthy child than not, but it’s something to consider. Obviously it varies with individual health, genetics, etc.
Many of those concerns can be eliminated through IVF + screening
My dad was three months from 60 when I was born, and he’s still going strong at 88. He retired before I was born, so I got to have a stay at home dad, which was fantastic.
I had my 4th child at 44, nine years after her next older sibling was born.
While we would likely not have planned this, especially since my husband is older than I, the pregnancy was normal and our little lagniappe is thriving. There are really many advantages to raising a child a bit later in life and we’ve found that the drawbacks are minor.
Congratulations!
You all are really melting my heart with these stories. I’m only 26 (nearly 27) and I’m really feeling the itch to have kids ASAP but so many of you had kids well into your 40’s and speak well of it, that it gives me hope 