I’m trying to work out if I’m in the wrong about someone who didn’t actually come out and say “sorry” for something they did. Am I obsessing and putting value on something that doesn’t actually mean anything? “Sorry” is just a word and you can apologise and say “sorry” without meaning it, so should I care if they didn’t say it?!
Two examples – recently a friend asked to come with me to an event, I had to ask permission from someone else for her to come and then we agreed on a time to meet … she never turned up, never rang … I waited, then left but I was late (and upset I had to ask someone else for a favour!). A couple of weeks go by and I’m fuming!! She did eventually ring me for a chat and I asked her about her not turning up. She made some attempt at humour about it being too early for her to wake up (it was 10am!) and I should know she’s not a morning person (I don’t!). I said “at least you could have called” … she said “yes, point taken”. She repeated the “point taken” thing a couple of times. So she’s acknowledged there was an error on her behalf (has she?) … but I hung up from the phone call thinking … but she still didn’t actually apologise for putting me out!!
Another example: my father verbally abused me … a year later he phoned me with the words “I’m sorry I said those things to you, but I meant every word I said” That’s just saying it was a bad thing but I’m not actually sorry about your feelings?
Should it matter that they haven’t really apologised? Should I just get on with my life and forget it? My father is dead so that’s in the past … but the “friend” is someone who I’m not exactly sure I want to be friends with (not just from this incident!). I apologise LOTS (I have many things to be sorry for!), I’ve even been told to stop saying “sorry” when I was learning a new task and making mistakes – of course I had to say sorry for being sorry!!