Roughly about a year ago I had this massive meltdown with a buddy of mine. Now thinking about it, I may have considered him a ‘buddy’ but he doesn’t think that off me. I’ve performed immature actions, said stupid things and well, that I was stressed up and all that didn’t help.
Now after a year and some time helps in reflection, and some recent events convinced me that I done wrong to the ex-friend. I got an impulse to just to write an email to apologise, but I don’t know if that’s a good idea. The last email I last wrote to him was harsh, and he was harsh in return. This was when I got a good sense to see that we both need to chill and cut all communication.
So I was saying I have an urge to just to drop mail, apologise, and get out. Whether he forgives, or we are back on speaking terms is not on my thoughts. The things I’ve done, hell, anyone could want to sever all ties with me. What he had done to me was immaterial; the fact was I done something unbecoming of a friend to him.
The problem is that I am depressed then by the confrontation (I cried 3 days in the row; the therapist said it was a stress reaction). I’m in slightly better shape now but still easily ‘emotionally compromised.’ Yet my conscience is nagging me.
I suggest you say your piece and be at peace. Whether he responds or not or forgives you or not should not be a concern. Just say what’s on your mind to get it off your chest and be done.
When I really, really don’t care whether the person will forgive me or not, I usually just block any replies. Especially when I think they will likely respond in a hostile fashion. Sure, there may be a small chance that they’ll forgive me in such a way that makes me feel better, But I’ve went this long without them in my life, so I don’t really need them back.
If you can stand hostility without being sorely tempted to respond in kind, go ahead and skim the reply (if any) to see if it’s going to be mean spirited. If it is, delete it. If it seems nice, enjoy it. But realize you probably weren’t that good a match to begin with, and that you need to approach this really slowly. In other words, don’t believe him if he wants to go all buddy-buddy real quick. Take your time.
Oh, and if you’re really good, you can just not read any replies until you think you are capable of responding well.
I did the same thing last year but over the phone not by email. The previous posters are right, the trick is to have no expectations about the outcome just free yourself of the burden of carrying it around.
Most people I talked to about the situation assumed that I needed some kind of reconciliation:
“Now maybe he will ring you regularly again.”
Well not really if history is any guide but he knows that I accept all the blame for anything I said or did. And that is all I could achieve. And he thanked me for calling.
It’s done. Not that I am expecting anything; worse I get snark and his good old sarcasm cannon pounding at me again. Now instead of being bitter about the incident, I just sigh in resignation.
I had a very close friend ditch me and provide no explanation. Six years later I sent him an e-mail essentially saying that I was sorry for whatever I did that caused him to end the friendship, but as we were children at that time (and we were–I was 17 and he was 16 at the time of the falling out) I was ready to move along with no hard feelings. I mostly did this because he was still loosely involved in my social circle and I was tired of feeling like shit every time I happened to see him at a party. He responded with a thinly veiled ‘‘fuck you’’ as well as the lamest reason ever for abandoning our friendship (I spent too much time with my boyfriend.) It has now been 9 years since our falling out and as far as I know he still hates me.
So do what you need to do to feel better, make that overture, clear your conscience, whatever. Just don’t expect much.
