A letter to my ex...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I either post this here, or email it to my ex. Satisfying as that may be, it’s probably not a good idea. This all happened at just the right time to coincide with this thread.

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

I’m very sorry your most recent girlfriend has left you. Well, “left” is the wrong term, but I can’t think of a nice, condensed word that means “broke up with you but continues to live in your house, let you pay for things, and bring her new boyfriend around.” I think it’s a little odd that you let this situation continue, but you’ve never really been one for confrontation. Besides, why make life better for yourself when playing the self-righteous victim is so much more fun?

It was surprising to hear from you after all this time, but I’m happy to listen to you vent about her. I’m happy to give advice. You won’t take any of it, of course, but I’m happy to give it. We’ve known each other for a long time and I don’t mind lending a sympathetic ear occasionally.

What I do mind, however, is having to rehash our breakup of over two years ago over and over and over again. I’m tired of hearing that it is entirely my fault, that I am evil, that I never understood how sensitive you were. I’m tired of hearing how all women, including myself, screw you over. I’m tired of you rewriting memories so you come out pure and saintly, and not like the frightening drunken stalker you became for awhile. And I’m really tired of hearing how it was my fault that you were so boring in bed.

Well, Ex-Boyfriend, I’m done. If you want to be friends, I would be happy to oblige. But a requirement of that would be for you to treat me like a friend. Difficult to understand, I know. Until then, I don’t want to talk to you, email back and forth with you, or receive text messages from you. I have a new life now. It’s a good life, made all the better by the fact that you’re not in it.

Sincerely,
Your Ex-Girlfriend

2

Very nice letter with just the right tone. Clinical. Antiseptic. Almost surgical. He won’t even notice he has been cut until he sees he has been bleeding.

3

Wow, your ex-boyfriend gets around! Because he’s my ex-boyfriend too. :dubious:

4

Probably not the best move if you’re seeking optimal serenity and a future that is happy, joyous, and free, IMHO.

Frankly because he’s likely to only read that part, and not all the caveats you enladened the message with.

:slight_smile:

5

Why not? Seriously, tell the guy to shove it.

6

…

7

Here, let me edit it for you so you can send it to him:

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

Grow up. Either that or shut up and fuck off.

Sincerely,
Your Ex-Girlfriend XOXOXOXO

8

A good fuck off letter is always cathartic. Glad it helped. Sounds like this guy is just a drain on your emotions, and you’re being too generous by allowing him to stay your friend conditionally. People like that never seem to abide by the conditions, y’know?

9

The letter to ther ex-boyfriend should contain the following handy suggestions

1: Eat shit
2: Die
3: Go to hell
4: Burn forever

I think that pretty well covers the necessary instructions.

10

Wow that’s one kickass letter. The first time I read it I actually thought you were trying to be nice and extend an olive branch. It took a while before the poison set in.

I wouldn’t recommend sending it. He’ll either not get it completely or be hurt. Either way you lose (though some may disagree with the latter option being a loss).

11

Send it. WTF not? It was two years ago, and he’s still b’n and m’n about how your relationship and breakup were your fault? It’ll either get him out of your life, or actually make him think about what he needs to do if he does want the “occasional sympathetic ear.” And if he tries to call you for sympathy under the guise of friendship, and then starts in on how you were such a bitch etc, you can just say, “I thought I made this shit clear in my letter. Guess you never got around to growing up.” click

12

You shouldn’t send it. And the reason you shouldn’t send it? Because you shouldn’t even be communicating with him. He doesn’t want you for a friend, he wants you for a verbal punching bag. Quit taking his calls. There’s a reason he’s your ex.

13

Sure, he’s my ex. But after the pain and anger of the break-up has faded, I generally don’t have a problem trying to be friendly with my exes.

In this particular case, though, enough is enough. After getting this out of my system here (Thanks, Dope!), I sent this:
"I don’t think it’s in the cards for you and I to be friends, or even to be friendly.

Every time we communicate, it starts friendly and light and quickly devolves to you being upset and disappointed and me being frustrated. I’ve gotten past the point where I accept this kind of drama from my friends. I expect them to be sources of comfort, support and fun… and those things are just not present between us.

I do not dislike you; I don’t resent you; I certainly don’t hate you. I’m just not willing to make the effort here anymore.

I wish you all the happiness in the world."
It’s not nice, but it’s not mean either.

14

Why on earth would you want to be friends with this trainwreck? Cutting him off completely is absolutely the way to go. Kudos to you.

15

This is a bad idea. Somehow women believe that they’re doing their ex-boyfriends a favor by holding this out. They’re not. They’re just prolonging the agony. The sooner you say “Look, I broke up with you because you’re an asshole, and I don’t want to hear from you any more,” the sooner everyone can start getting over it and moving on with their lives. Each time you act as a shoulder to cry on is a “maybe she’ll get back together with me after all” moment for him.

16

I think this is great. Well-worded, factual, calm, and unarguable. Well done.

I wish I could have written exactly that to an ex exactly like that.

17

I agree with ThirdCultureKid. Nicely done. Now make it stick.

Not that I think you won’t. But sometimes things are easier said than done.

18

I agree, with one caveat: I think you should make it completely clear (if this is in fact what you want) that you do not want him to contact you in any way. I know this is implied in your letter, but IMHO, better to be blunt and get the message across, especially with weaselly people who distort reality for a living.

Edit: *especially *since you say that you won’t make the effort anymore - he’ll read that as now you want *him *to.

19

I think she was pretty clear about it. There’s really not much room for interpretation there, unless the guy is a complete sociopath.

It was nicely done because it was respectful, non-confrontational, and firm.

20

Our mileages clearly vary then. If he was just a regular, respectful guy with a perspective grounded in reality, I’d agree with you. Someone who’s rewritten their history so that he’s the hero and she’s the bad guy and who once went stalker on her? Not so much.