Vanilla, I'm Sorry, But You're Not My Friend

The BBQ Pit
1

Excuse me. Vanilla, in the last e-mail you sent me, you informed me that you were blocking my e-mail address as spam, so I’m afraid I have to do things this way.

You used to be one of the people I liked most of this message board. I really did hope to meet you last fall or this spring, even though things didn’t work out that way. Unfortunately, the thread you started this May has changed that. When you accused me of watering down the Gospel and especially distorting my views to gain popularity, you really did insult me and my Christian faith. When you refused to withdraw those accusations and then said you never made them, you hurt me worse. When you swore at me quite nastily and wrote you were blocking my e-mail address as spam, as far as I’m concerned, you ended our friendship.

I am sorry that happened. I stand by my beliefs. To do otherwise would be to betray the God we both worship. Still, I wish I could still call you my friend. Recently, you’ve been acting like we still are. We’re not.

I know that different forms of Christianity have different takes on the need for repentence. In mine, we are called to repent when we fall into sin and a Confession of Sin is required before partaking of the Eucharist, aka the Lord’s Table. In that spirit, I admit I was harsh when I asked you not to pray for my father. I’m afraid I cannot resume our friendship unless you apologize for attacking me in public and in private, and especially for the making accusations I mentioned earlier, and then denying you did so.

I do not want to hurt you, and if I could have done this by e-mail I would have. No, I haven’t tried, because if my e-mail had gotten through to you, it would have indicated you lied about blocking me as well. Please, try to understand, that actions do have consequences, and the actions you took and the words you wrote back in may have hurt me deeply, angered me greatly, and destroyed the regard I used to hold you in. Again, I wish it were different.

I don’t count myself holy or righteous. I’m just a schlub of a human being trying to do what I think is right and not get it wrong too often. There are things I sincerely believe. If I say them, it’s not to be popular; it’s because I genuinely believe them. Believe me, lady, if you want a more accurate accusation, accuse me of doing anything to be different. I’ve got a ton of evidence to support that, and my parents have more. Popularity is something I’ve always been suspicious of. On matters of religion, I have written what I believe to be True. I know that that Truth differs from what a great many Christians believe, and I accept the consequences of that belief, even if it means I suffer an eternity in hell. I can’t change my beliefs to suit someone else’s demands or experiences and if I did so, I’d be a hypocrite.

Please, all I’m asking for is an apology. I will, however, dare to do so in Christ’s name.

With deep regret,
CJ

2

Well call me cynical, but I think anyone who makes friends / wants to make friends with complete strangers they meet on the internet get everything they deserve.

Never be surprised by how strangers treat you.

(Maybe I’ve been living in a city too long…)

3

Siege, I consider you a jolly good sort. And I think this thread may not be the wisest plan. It looks an awful, awful lot like bringing off-board stuff onto the board - which is wisely considered to be Not The Thing.

4

Yeah . . . I agree with Tansu. I don’t know if there was a better way this could be handled, but, y’know, airing it here . . . I don’t know. It’s depressing, you know? Strife, personal falling out, airing all of this here. Eh. Depressing. I didn’t really need to know any of this stuff.

5

CJ - a suggestion…

In the spirit of Matt 18:15-17 could I suggest that a better way to send this message would be to ask someone to email the message you just typed to vanilla on your behalf (and to act as witness/intermediary) and to ask for this thread to be deleted ASAP.

Sorry for your troubles - I don’t think that this is the best way of resolving them…

Grim

6

Um, usually when someone blocks you from their e-mail account, it means they don’t want to hear from you anymore.

Just in case you’re unclear on the concept.

7

Nonsense. Isn’t everyone you make friends with a total stranger to begin with?

8

All your friends were comlete strangers to you at one time. I don’t think where you met them makes that much difference. Unless you met them at a Klan rally or something…

9

Reread what Siege said. She pointed out that

So this does address behavior on the SDMB, an issue that Siege feels is a matter of public conduct in this community. Since she can’t take it private to ask vanilla to knock it off, she’s chosen this way.

Siege, I can think of at least one Doper who could act as an intermediary for addressing this offline, but I’m not recommending that because that puts the intermediary in a very awkward spot, doesn’t it? No matter which way you go in handling this, there are potholes in the road. Perhaps the least painful way to deal with it would be to put vanilla on your Ignore list? That does have its drawbacks, too, but from where I sit, I don’t see a better way of resolving this.

10

I guess she felt like Vanilla was trying to “pretend” that they were friends, but since she (Siege) was told that Vanilla had blocked her email, she (Siege) wanted to tell Vanilla that they weren’t friends, really, so stop pretending. Or something.

Oh. Previewed. I’ll edit the quotes out, because they’re the same as what EddyTeddyFreddy has in his post.

I was also going to suggest an intermediary, or perhaps just starting a thread asking Vanilla to email her, without explaining the whole mess to everyone.

Oh, whatever. I hate to see this sort of thing. I would like to think that this friendship could be repaired, but if not, it’s easy to just forget about it. It isn’t like you’re seeing each other every day (IRL) or anything. Just use the “ignore” feature and forget about it.

11

Here’s what I tell my kids when they fight: Either play nicely in the same room, or leave the room. Choose one or the other, because screeching at each other is not an option anymore.

I think Vanilla chose to leave the room. And, frankly, I think that’s playing fair.

FWIW, I’d let it go, Siege.

12

Shake the dust from your feet and move one, Siege.

13

Back in my day we had a saying; “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”

14

And I think that’s all God asks of us as we muddle through this life.
I’ve always admired your posts, Siege and I’ve never seen you adopt any stance simple to be “popular”. You’re very consistent.
Take care of yourself and don’t let her get to you.

15

Actually, no you don’t “have to do things this way.” You’re bringing a private, off-board issue onto the boards. It’s juvenile and ridiculous. Here I was thinking that the man from Nazareth advised turning the other cheek when your neighbor strikes you. I guess I’ve never read the translation of the Bible which says, “But I say unto you, whosoever shall block your email addy, post about them on a public message board and demand an apology, because they are big liars and meanies too.”

16

She made the accusations here in a thread which I’d prefer not to link to because it’s a bit of a trainwreck. She’s also denied making the accusations here. During the past couple of days, in a thread in GD and one in IMHO, she’s posted things which might be olive branches. I’m not interested in an olive branch, I’m afraid. It doesn’t go with my apartment, and the leaves will be just one more thing to tidy up. I’d like an apology. If our friendship is not worth that, then perhaps we’re both better off without such a worthless object.

I’m also doing things this way because I’ve noticed I’ve got a most un-Christian desire to snipe at her, as I did in GD. That’s dishonorable and cowardly. Instead, I prefer to lay my case out and tell her why I think I’ve been wronged. I am especially bothered by the times since the original disaster of a thread when vanilla’s said she said no such things. This is a board-related issue. To repeat, she accused me of watering down the gospel and being willing to compromise my beliefs for popularity here, she denied making those accusations here, and she might have tried to renew our friendship here (I’m not sure about the latter). Except for the odd letter and e-mail I’ve had no contact with vanilla off of this messageboard, and no contact with her off-board since May 3rd.

All I want is either an acknowledgment that I was wronged or that, since I am a person who would do some rather bad things, we cannot be friends given my moral turpitude. Either would be acceptable, although I would much prefer the former. Jesus Christ the Saviour said “Turn the other cheek.” This may sound cynical, but CJ the sinner says “Perhaps it’s better not to get within reach a second time.”

Still, regretfully,
CJ

17

You’re better off without somebody that would treat you that way.

18

John 11:35.

I’m going to do us all a favor and close this thread, now.