(Adult Children of Alcoholics is the abbreviation). I’m curious–how do you develop the skills to deal with your problems or situations where you need to communicate?
I wasn’t raised in a “strictly alcoholic” home, but my dad was raised by a family of drunks, and suffered from alcoholism the decades before I was born. He’s been sober for probably thirty-something years now. I’m in my twenties, so I wasn’t directly exposed to it. Alcohol’s not something I grew up with around the house, really.
I’ve heard my dad being called a “dry drunk,” by my half-sister (who has her own take on the family history, and also believes she was affected by his alcoholism–he was a bona fide alcoholic when she was born). Let’s just say I’ve grown up with a lot of uncertain situations between my parents. My mom and dad argued a ton, although they’re still together. My dad has a horrendous temper, and is known to act like a small child when he doesn’t get his way. Very manipulative, swears, etc.
I’ve been through therapy for some of this, and it’s helped me realize how much I fear uncertainty, and that I tend to see things as very “black or white.” This has been going on since I was 9 or so, as much as I can remember. If I get in an argument with someone, I can’t express my anger rationally; I tend to just blow up. Either that, or I simply hold back and don’t say anything at all.
My question is this: How do you start to overcome that? How do you…mete out your thoughts with out just flipping your mental switch into anger? Hell, 90% of the time I’m told I’m “too nice,” but it’s more like I hold back because I don’t want to deal with confrontation and lose my temper, or have someone angry at me. It’s like the little girl inside me is still very scared, in some ways, yet at the same time has this sort of desire to try to get others to see her side, but has no clue how to do it without causing disruption.
I hope what I’ve typed has made sense (and if it doesn’t, please let me know). This is one of my longer ones, hah. And thanks in advance for any advice or help!