Currently I have two going, or possibly three if you count surfing the internet in flagrant violation of company policy.
The boss has recently become very worried that phone reps will go off to break or lunch without logging out of the call-answering system and then lock our work stations, meaning that she can’t go in and log us off. So she recently demanded that everyone email her their passwords so she can unlock our stations. I use the same password for everything so giving her the password to unlock my station gives her access to everything. So I “forgot” to email her the password. She hasn’t said anything but if she “reminds” me I’ll send her a fake one.
The boss has recently become concerned that people are logging out of the call-answering system too many times during the day. We should be logging out four times per day: morning break; lunch; afternoon break; end of day. So rather than just talk to the people who are loggin out too often, she implemented this pointless system whereby the logoff code for each logoff is different. 1 for morning break, 2 for lunch, 3 for afternoon break and 4 for end of day. If we should have a meeting of some sort during the day, that’s a 5. I have simply refused to comply. I’ve logged out with a 1 every time I’ve ever logged out in the almost two years I’ve worked here and it’s never been a problem. If she calls me on it then I’ll probably “remember” to do it every once in a while, but inconsistently.
Looking forward to reading your equally petty acts…
We are about to be inspected by some government bigwig and we’ve been told it’s very important we all show him a positive attitude and act act like we’re happy in our jobs (HA!). Soon as he works in, I’m going to start crying…
I’ve stayed in touch with coworkers. I’ve gone back there to visit people (it’s around the corner from where I work now). But I’ve ignored her since my last day of work there.
She has resorted to asking my old coworkers who are friends about me. Thankfully, they don’t tell her much.
HA.
Take that, you meddling pesky worm, treating everyone you supervise like a 5-year-old.
My old company invented numerous strange policies. I believe most of them were invented for the purpose of the management to convince us that they did in fact exist. Typically, these policies would come with some physical sign off sheet (and yes, we were an internet company) that we were suppose to put our signature on and turn in. It was fairly common for me to play my favorite game. “Let’s see what happens if I don’t?” Invariably, as long as I was making the company money, the answer was nothing.
Home office corporate types came to visit the company for which I worked, and they explained a new “policy” for hourly employees, in which my people (I supervised about 30) were expected to keep up with current installation demands, reduce overtime, and do so with an expected 20% sales volume increase. Then they asked me what I thought. “The last time I recall such a plan, it involved maintaining production of bricks, while gathering your own straw. What plague do you anticipate first: locusts or darkness?”
Like mlerose, not my current boss, but an old one.
We had a big glass conference table that he was incredibly anal about keeping clean and spotless. Whenever I put lotion on my hands, I’d make a special trip past the conference room and trail my lotion-y hands all across it, and mark it all up.
Drove him nuts to walk past it and see smudges.
On the Very Special Occasions when he did his own photocopying (rather than giving it to me to do), he’d always let me know when he was coming out to use the copier, so I could make sure everyone else was done using it. I’d go and take out all the paper except for 2 or 3 sheets, so he’d have to refill it.
Juvenile, I know, but this guy was a real piece of work.
I was temping for a real jerk once, years ago. My job was to make appointments for him with members of the Chamber of Commerce, and he would go in and suck up and try to get them to buy an ad for the next COC catalog. He got rid of me (I was temp #4 in as many weeks) so that day I made him an appointment that I knew he wouldn’t have time to go to, because I knew it would make him look bad.
I also testified against the most evil boss I’ve ever had at an unemployment hearing. The girl who quit her job filed for unemployment anyway, saying that she had to because the boss was so abusive (he was). I showed up to vouch for her
A previous boss, but one I got along quite well with.
Near Christmas, someone sent her one of those Christmas cards that, when opened far enough, would play a tinny version of “Jingle Bells”. For some reason, she fell in love with it. Come February it was still on her desk, and every now and then she would open it up to play it either for herself or visitors.
I figured it was long past due for that card to hit the trash due to the minor irritation of hearing that song that I decided to do something about it. Upon finding out, she would be gone at a meeting, I walked into her office, grabbed the card, climbed on her desk and slid the open card above one of the ceiling tiles.
She never did figure out where that thing was until it died a slow, warbling death 3 days later.
I had a boss that was convinced that we. his staff, were ultimately untrustworthy which was pretty stupid as we were a good group that made him pots of money.
One of his pet tricks was to go through my in/out files on my desk while I was at lunch.
Had he ever asked, I would have gladly shown him everything in there but he preferred the sneaky method so one day I left him a huge note that said: “Hi Herschel-hope you’re enjoying yourself.”
Shortly after graduating from college, I got a lowly, menial staff position at another university. I proudly pinned up a pennant from my alma mater on the wall next to my desk. Apparently, someone complained. So I went to the bookstore and bought a larger pennant from the school were I was employed and placed it above that of my alma mater. My boss told me that this wasn’t good enough. My school’s pennant had to come down.
So the next day I brought in my diploma and hung it on the wall where the pennant used to be.
I make it a habit to find the people who really have the power to get stuff done: think administrative assistants, building managers, etc. and cozy up to them. I thank them for every little thing they do for me, follow their instructions with extreme care, ask them if there’s anything I can do to make their job easier, etc. Not because I’m a suck-up–I really do value these folks and know that without their hard work, things would go to hell toot sweet.
If you cultivate the right relationships, you can usually ignore annoying people who are supposedly higher up the totem pole. For example, we had an after-hours party that wasn’t technically approved through the Proper Channels, and one of the nosey finance people who thinks she’s the master of all creation happened to wander by and started having a snit about liability insurance–which was total bull, but she was awfully worked up over it. I was able to totally defuse her by saying, “Bill [the building manager] knows we’re here. He didn’t have a problem with it. If you think there’s an insurance issue, you should talk to him.” She huffed off, saying that she’d bring it up with him first thing Monday, because she was sure there were liability issues.
Last boss who fired me for daring to ask why my pay rate was less then he told me. I kept about $50 worth of work shirts filed unemployment on him.
The sad thing is I still have the keys to every lock in that building. The punch master key. A key to make other keys (including masters). The physical skeleton key to get into any normal lock. And the log in to the site they report their numbers too (which I can access through the net)
Needless to say he should be glad that I’m not as much of a bastard as I pretend to be.
I am going on vacation in 2 weeks ,and I am waiting to mail out the monthly patient bills till right before I leave. Then my boss will have to answer all the bitchy phone calls HAHAHAHAHAHA
I used to work with a guy I’ll call Glenn (cause that’s his name). Glenn wasn’t exactly my boss, but he was a UNIX Administrator with years of seniority, and I was a rookie/lowly help desk staffer. He was a real bastard to me fo months and months. Finally, I found another job, but for the last three weeks I worked with Glenn, I pissed in his coffee cup every morning before he got in to the office. I’d take it into the bathroom, pee in it, swish it around, dump it out, and put it back on his desk.
Not my direct boss, but a finance guy who thought he deserved part of my time. I was an adminassit at a very small company. He annoyed me, so instead of filtering his phone calls, I directed every sales person directly to him, giving them his name and extension. I have made it a point never to piss of my receptionist.
My current boss has a nasty habit of giving me her AMEX card bill to reconcile for her at the end of the month. According to the guidelines each buyer should reconcile their bills because of budget intimacy, i.e. its easier for them to do it because they should know what they bought and where the back up is at. My boss actually told me she was above that and hands it to me. I in turn just file them away. She doesn’t know anything is wrong until finance sends her e-mails concerning her reconciliation and why it hasn’t been turned it yet. Then she comes up to me asking for the bill and asks me why I haven’t done it. I just reply I haven’t had time. She then runs around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to get it sent up. I currently have 2 months worth sitting in my desk know. This has been going on for close to two years now. You’d think she’d wise up.
Sounds stupid, but in high school I was a dietary aide in a nursing home. I always wore white Levi’s. My ever so smart boss told me I couldn’t wear jeans, I told him they were white, so whats the problem? Smart one that he is decided to institute a policy of heavy white cotton pants only. Next week I show up, wearing, guess what, white Levi’s, so most intelligent boss tries to write me up for wearing white jeans when I should be wearing heavy white cotton pants. After 45 minutes of explaining to him how stupid he was afterall how much heavier white cotton can you get? circus tent? burlap? canvas? Genious that he was tried to argue that “jeans” were not pants.
Anyways, then he decided that my shoes were not white enough, so I suggested colored shoes, and he said that was fine. So I tie dyed a pair of white converse allstars, wow was he pissed, blue, green and yellow swirled shoes.
They moved a reporting third party from my management to some other managers team because they thought they could “find” something fishy on them because they were producing so well. They also thought the head of that group and I were “too close” and could damage the integrity of the project. If we were close, it was because the rest of the senior staff in my group refused to work or communicate with them because of their cocky attitude.
So they won a contest (under the other management) that arranged for them to visit our office and we arranged that when they walked in we would do “something” alright. The day came and when I finally showed up after they got their tour, all eyes were on us as we greeted each other. And then the eyes bugged out because when we hugged, he whispered (fake stuff) in my ear while I laughed and hugged him with a slight passionate squeeze for a little bit too long. It was worth it.
