ADHD Dopers, what were you like as a little kid?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Or parents of ADHD kids - what were you (or your ADHD kid) like when you were under the age of, say, 8ish? Looking back that young, can you see the same signs that eventually led to a diagnosis or did you have different issues?

My 5-year-old has been having some behaviour issues since she was about 2.5, and the last year and a half or so has been so extreme that we’ve been sent around to various doctors trying to figure it all out. She’s too young for a formal diagnosis of anything, but her behaviour has caused some major problems, especially at school. I’m not looking for medical advice here, I have plenty of that, I’m just curious about something proposed by one of her doctors and am interested to see if anyone’s experience has been similar.

She has some classic ADHD symptoms (of course, all 5 yr olds do, but hers are outside of the norm for her age) - periods of uncontrollable silliness, occasional inability to focus, etc. But her key issues right now are more extreme defiance and a hair-trigger temper leading to explosive tantrums (bad enough that she’s been sent home from kindergarten more times than I can count). She finds it almost impossible to wait her turn, share, or cope if things don’t go exactly her way. I know that sounds like a lot of little kids, but well, she’s the only one being sent home from school.

One pediatrician said that although she’s too young for an official diagnosis, it looks like Oppositional Defiance Disorder. An aquaintance of mine who is a neuro-psych was horrified and disagreed so strongly that we trooped off to another developmental pediatrician, who is the one suggesting ADHD. We sort of balked, saying the symptoms really do seem more like ODD, and he said that until 7 or 8 ADHD often manifests as defiance and tantrums. I can’t find any info on this and would love to know if this is true for anyone here?

2

I have ADHD-PI (primarily inattentive), which I have read might actually be a separate disorder. I was an easily-frustrated, goofy, always-late, constantly-doodling daydreamer. My favorite report card comment, from when I was 7 or 8: “Silvorange sits and stares, and plays with small objects in her desk.” I tested well, but didn’t get homework done. I spent a lot more time drawing on the back of worksheets than doing the work on the front. I did not know how to make friends, so I found a niche as the weird kid.

I would say that I was defiant in some little ways and definitely had a temper. A lot of that had to do with getting frustrated easily.

3

I was generally well-behaved but extremely hyper; according to my parents my last temper tantrum was when I was two and my also ADHD brother never had one, outside the home, that is, any older than that either. I’ve told a few stories about what I was like as a little kid, and I might be able to dig them up. Here we go: caged hospital story. there was something wrong with the kid mom babysat.

Besides being full speed ahead most of my waking hours, I also didn’t sleep - from birth - like kids are supposed to. You know how kids are supposed to spend infancy sleeping most of the time and still need 10+ hours of sleep at age five? If I wasn’t sick, it was a fight to get me to stay in bed more than 8 hours, ever, even as a newborn. When I was a few weeks old my dad came home to my mother crying and asking him why everyone lied to them about babies sleeping all the time because I just wouldn’t. (he took over for the next several hours so she could sleep, lol)

Lil bro got into trouble otherwise a hell of a lot more often than I did, both in and out of school, but in school that was more due to wondering “what would happen if…?” and giving into impulse than acting out on purpose. He did have a pretty explosive temper at home, quick to hit if made angry, and easily made angry too.

Even in his case, though, it was almost always frustration that made him aggressive, not defiance. It didn’t occur to us that we could refuse to do things our parents said until we were well into our teens, because like acting out in public it was simply something our parents made us aware was unacceptable as toddlers. Comparing notes with friends as adults suggest that our parents were stricter than many.

But yes, well before we were eight it was clear that we were more, ah, energetic than kids our ages. Things like impaired focus probably weren’t evident until we were older than that since developmentally limited focus is pretty normal in the under-eight set.

4

I’m not a parent and don’t have ADD, but my older brother does. He was a huge, steaming pain in the arse throughout our childhoods, and I don’t mean in the way that brothers are always a PITA (though he managed to hit most of those too.) I mean he was a PITA in the sense that every little thing had to be a huge freaking ordeal.

If he thought something was stupid or pointless (which covered everything he didn’t already want to do), you had to either convince him of its utility or physically force him to do it. Going to bed at night, getting up in the morning, bathing, doing homework, picking up his stuff, setting the table for dinner, it was all a struggle. All of it. Every single goddamn day of our lives. It got somewhat better for a while when he hit about 11 or so, then he hit puberty and became belligerent, defiant, and obstructionist in totally new ways.

5

I was pretty much a mess as a kid. My mom always said she thought I had ODD, but I was by far the worst with her, and my only diagnosis have been ADD-PI, depression, anxiety.

I was in non-stop motion as soon as I could crawl, had auditory processing issues and severe difficulties ‘getting’ anything I heard verbally (including ‘don’t touch this’, ‘please do this and that’), had sensory issues and hated being touched (my mom says the only times she held me after 11 months was when I was too ill to resist), was extremely emotionally sensitive, questioned everything and was defiant in many ways, destructive in some ways, impossible to force to do most anything I didn’t want to do as a young kid including bathe, brush hair, cut nails, brush teeth etc, very difficult to discipline effectively, highly sensitive to what I ate/how much I slept (anything off would trigger awful migraines) but it was nigh impossible for my mom to get me to do what I needed in order to feel well, had disordered eating from a very young age (could not/would not eat at school, eating was also a power-struggle at home) and failure to thrive for a few years, started school a year late due to emotional immaturity/behavioral issues but still failed at school from 3rd grade onward. I went to the psychiatrist for general craziness for the first time age 4. I was only hyperactive until I was 9 or 10. After that I was increasingly ‘dreamy’ and slid into a very long depression by 13 or so. I was diagnosed as ADD-PI age 11 or 12. I never had problems with impulsivity and risk-taking behavior as a teenager - I turned very cautious in my early teens, and in fact was always fairly careful as a child not to get hurt. Small blessings.

My sister has a diagnosis of ADD-PI also but had fewer problems as a child - however she is really struggling as an (unmedicated) adult and barely made it through her teens (seriously, lucky to be alive). She has more memory problems than me, is much more impulsive and thrill-seeking, and has developed fewer coping skills thus far (I started working for a living age 18 and it really helped me get organized mentally). Me, her and my third sister (who does not have an ADD diagnosis but is still a defiant space cadet in many ways) all dropped out of high school. We all have problems with depression and anxiety. We all get it from my dad (his issues as a child were mine, exactly).

My parents made many mistakes with how they handled my issues, in hindsight, and my mom was overly controlling and even abusive in many ways which certainly didn’t improve the situation, but I would have been difficult to parent even if they were saints.

6

Thanks for all the replies!

Rhubarbarin, you say a few things that intrigue me. Can you tell me more about your auditory processig issues? Can you describe what you mean when you say you didn’t “get it” when you heard things like “don’t touch that”? Like, you heard the words, but they just didn’t register? Would you be willing to share more about what you feel your parents did wrong? An advice for parenting a challenging kid?

7

My entire life, until I was 19 and became a waitress, it felt like I couldn’t remember a damn thing anyone ever said to me for longer than 5 seconds. In one ear, out the other (as my family often used to say in exasperation). Needless to say this caused major problems at home and at school, because adults thought I was being deliberately defiant. This issue was not defiance. Sometimes though I would suddenly remember what I had been told right after I did what I was told not to do - this never went over well.

Waitressing for years slowly built up my ability to consciously fix important verbal information in my mind. It’s something I ‘turn on’ when needed, and is an effort which feels kind of like I am squeezing my brain to make the words stick, but I can do it if I try. Outside of a work situation I just have to pay attention enough in the moment to remind myself to memorize the important things people are saying IRL! Things like remembering dialogue from movies or tv, paying attention to multiple conversations at once, or recounting a spoken conversation accurately are way beyond my grasp still.

I also often had (and do have) trouble simply comprehending the spoken word, especially if there is any environmental noise or distractions. I mishear and mix up things people say a ton, often as totally unintelligible gibberish no matter how often they repeat themselves (this is highly embarrassing). I can’t understand most song lyrics (although I can memorize my favorite songs by reading the lyrics and then singing them); I prefer to have subtitles on when I watch movies or tv (but I’ve never been a big fan of either, due to the hearing stuff and generally struggling to pay attention for other reasons). It’s by far the worst on the phone, and I had a lot of phone anxiety for a long time; but I have since managed to hold jobs where taking messages on the phone was a large component, and I learned coping strategies. I just always ask people to spell their names. :smack:

My advice for a parent with a kid like me (I might well be one someday, all my issues come from my dad) would be creativity (don’t be afraid to do research and try out new strategies, or do things differently with your difficult kid than you do with your other children), patience (just because your kid is a mess doesn’t mean you are failing or that they are doomed) and consistency above all else. My mom was strict as all heck but both parents failed miserably in the consistency department. We never knew what to expect and they said a lot they never followed through on.

And of course try to understand that a lot of kids truly are not acting out just to be assholes, or even that they can control much about how they behave, even into their teens. I wanted nothing more as a kid to be happy, like school, do what I was supposed to, and get along with my parents; I did try, and fail, and try again, but I just couldn’t do it on my own (my parents were really erratic with the support they provided). I was incapable of being normal. I’m not wired normally.

Individual therapy is a wonderful resource for any parent with a kid with ‘issues’. My mom stopped abusing me when she finally went to therapy (unfortunately that wasn’t until I was 17). Therapy (with the right therapist) is also great for kids, and any sort of ‘interventions’ and assistance you can afford for a kid with developmental issues like ADD can be next to life-saving…

8

Looking back, I must have been an annoying little shit. I can clearly remember being so hyper in elementary school that in the middle of class I’d do things like spin around in my chair, raising my legs over the back of the chair and facing front again, spinning around like that for about five minutes at a stretch. I remember the girl who sat next to me would look over at me and roll her eyes. I was disruptive and distracting to everyone around me. My teachers must have wanted to kill me.

When I got into high school I wouldn’t study because I didn’t know how. I’d pick up whatever I could pick up through osmosis. I could frustrate the hell out of myself by “studying”, meaning I’d just read the same paragraph over and over, the whole time telling myself “ok, really try to concentrate on it this time”, and when I got to the end of the paragraph I’d realize my mind had wandered again, lather, rinse, repeat. End result- I’d get B’s. Alternatively, I could put zero effort into trying- end result- I’d get B’s.

On the other hand, if I found something that interested me, I would hyper-focus on it. Two or three hours could pass without me moving from my spot on the floor or chair while I did whatever it was that grabbed my attention.

9

Man, did I ever get tired of hearing, “Oh, nothing’s wrong with him, all 5-year-olds are like that” when Whatsit Jr. was a little younger. I said the same things you did, Elret: “But if all 5-year-olds are like that, why is he the only one being sent home from kindergarten?”

Whatsit Jr. is 9 years old now. He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was in 1st grade, although in retrospect we should have probably got that diagnosis in kindergarten. I didn’t have him evaluated until 1st grade because prior to that I was stuck in “it’s probably just normal behavior for a 5-year-old” mode. Now, he has since also been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, and it’s not clear if the ADHD diagnosis was a misdiagnosis for Asperger’s, or whether he really does have both to some extent. He’s on a mild dose of ADHD medication and it helps him a lot at school either way, so we’re continuing with that.

His symptoms: Starting from toddler age, he was completely uninterested in social activities with other children. As an example, at “Music Together” classes, he flat-out refused to participate in circle singing or anything like that. He would spend most of his time running around the room and inspecting the mirrors on the walls and the musical instruments. We had a similar experience when I tried to enroll him in kiddy soccer. No interest in the actual activity, complete failure to follow the rules, complete lack of interest in the other kids, and tantrums when asked to participate. (That only lasted a few short weeks.)

He went to Montessori preschool where the flexible style was more suited to handling his lack of interest in group activities, so we didn’t have too many issues there. In kindergarten, however, we almost immediately started getting notes home from the teacher about misbehavior. He refused to participate in group activities, refused to do any work that he didn’t like or felt was too challenging, and was overly aggressive with other kids, particularly when they’d done something he felt was unfair. (And I should point out that Whatsit Jr. is a bright kid, so the failure to do the work wasn’t that he couldn’t do it or didn’t understand it.)

First grade, more of the same. Explosive anger when frustrated, failure to complete assignments, defiance toward the teacher, aggressive behavior on the playground, etc. This was the point where we finally got him fully evaluated, after which he was diagnosed with ADHD, and got an IEP at his school that had accommodations for him that really, really helped. He also started a low dose of medication that helped him quite significantly.

He is in 4th grade now (in the full-time talented/gifted program, for what that’s worth) and while he still has trouble in social situations and doesn’t have what I would consider close friends, he’s doing much better. He’s capable of sitting down and getting through his schoolwork, he’s learned some good techniques for channeling his frustration and anger instead of simply blowing up - though we do still see explosions from time to time - and just generally he’s settling in and is more capable of dealing with expectations at school and home.

Anyway, I’m not sure how much of this is relevant to you but I know that at the time it was just helpful to hear from other parents, “Yeah, I’ve been there, and yeah, it got better.” But it took a lot of work, and a lot of visits to various medical professionals. We’re very lucky in that our school district was very willing to work with us in constructing his IEP.

I’m happy to answer more specific questions if you have them, too.