Classes start tomorrow, and I’m a little bit of a wreck. I’m also really lonely right now. It hits every few days, like some kind of perverted cycle. I think part of it is the lack of structure- in high school, someone was always in the same place at the same time. I had a table to sit with at lunch full of friends. Here I do have friends- or at least people who will turn into friends, I hope- but it’s not easy to track down people who are all off doing their own thing.
I miss being able to have a wonderful conversation with someone without having to do a backstory of my life. I miss the familiarity that comes with knowing someone very well for a long time. I don’t even know how to explain some of the things about quietgirl that I miss, like the way that she smiles at me right before we kiss and the way her hair smells.
I never realized just how much I took for granted- companionship, affection, nagging parents.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suicidal and I don’t hate college. I need some time, though, before I start liking it. Right now I’m just… kind of nowhere. I don’t know quite why I’m posting this except that it definately is MPSIMS.
The best part of being nowhere is that any movement takes you somewhere.
As confusing a period as this is for you, it IS good for you. I remember my disorientation at the start of University and yes it is a hassle having to do the background thing - or at least revisit points - with new people. And the scariness of the new situation sometimes overwhelming the excitement of it all.
I won’t touch on the loneliness part for it appears you have that part down pat.
All I can offer is the trite advice that it will get better: you will get over this period. You may not stop missing friends,family and quietgirl though even the way you miss them will change.
My oldest daughter just moved to NYC in August, and is sad and a little sick right now. I am so glad that we are connected through cyberspace, or it would be so much more difficult for me.
I hope you will be less lonely as time goes on, and your friendships here will support you.
I understand…I’m at a school rather far from my hometown. All I can say is this: there are lots of other freshmen feeling the same way right now. And lots of upperclassmen who went through it. You will make friends, who will know you as well as any of your high school friends. It’ll take a little time, but college is…like life concentrate. The friends you make (especially the ones who live in the same dorm/on the same floor) get to be really close, because you’re living with them, and you’re going through this entirely new experience with them. It’s sorta a bonding thing.
It will be hard for a while, and you’ll miss home. But try not to let it get in your way. And never underestimate the power of a good journal, or a random three am talk with someone. And buy Kleenex…nothing wrong with crying once in a while.
