When I was first living on my own, I spoke to my parents about once a week, maybe a bit less.
Seven years ago, my mom had lung cancer. When she was in chemo and recovering, I started calling her every day. This was also while I was planning my wedding long distance, and she was helping with that (to the extent that she could. She wanted to do it, since it was a good distraction).
Now I have kids, her only grandchildren. I usually speak with both my parents every day, occasionally more than once a day, to give them the cute kid update or just to chat.
This level of communication isn’t unusual in our family. My mom and four of her five sisters live in RI. Their father is 95, and lives with one of his daughters, who helps with his care. My mom and two of her others sisters help too – he needs someone there full-time. All of them see one another every day. But even before my grandfather needed that level of assistance, I think my mom spoke with him every day, or nearly so, and spoke with a few of her sisters at least weekly, probably closer to daily.
I used to call once or twice a week, but now I call my mom every evening, just to say hi and chat for half an hour or so. She lives alone, and none of my sisters call very often, so I worry that she’s lonely. She likes hearing about whatever weird stuff my kids have done or said that day, and we just talk about random stuff.
Plus, she’s really funny, and she can make me laugh even after a rotten day.
Mom - When things are normal, I talk to her once or twice a month. We chat sometimes for hours about all sorts of things. We text once a week or so - just brief exchanges letting one another know we’re still breathing. My Mom is mentally ill, and every once in a while all hell breaks loose. When that happens, one of two things occurs:
1.) I avoid talking to her in the most tactful way possible until I feel strong enough to deal with her.
2.) I get sucked into a black vortex of doom, and then I’m not just talking to her, I’m talking to everybody in my family for hours at a time, for days. And every moment is pain.
For what should be obvious reasons, I’m really trying to work on sticking to the #1 option.
bio Dad - Once every couple of months to let him know I’m alive. He complains. I used to feel incredibly guilty for all of his failures as a parent, but now I realize they are actually his failures, not mine, so I’m going to talk to him when I feel like it.
I call my Aunt on a weekly basis. She’s pretty much my best friend.
I talk to my parents daily, perhaps more than once. This was not always this way. Granted, we’ve had IM ever since I left the house ten years ago, but on the phone, listening to their voices… not so much. Until I got a cell phone some years later, then the frequency started to go up, to weekly.
Then I realized my parents are not immortal, disease is their enemy, and I, their only daughter (for my mom) or youngest child (for my dad) live too far away. The biggest change was when, after not hearing from them after a couple of days (where I should’ve expected a call), I called my mom. Only to realize she was hospitalized with a gastric tumor that ruptured and caused intestinal bleeding. And nobody thought of telling me.
I better call them daily to check on them. So I do… and sometimes I call them even more. Sometimes I talk to dad, sometimes to mom. Some days I do not talk to them, if I’m too busy, or travelling, or planning something. But I make up for those days.
I’m a Mister Rik type. I have never been big on long phone conversations. Since I left home many decades ago if the phone rings, and I am home alone, I consciously decide whether there is anyone I am willing to let interrupt what I am doing. If the answer is no I don’t bother picking up. Gave several of my friends the shits but now they can SMS and tell me they NEED to talk and I’ll pick up.
Similarly an SMS conversation between me and a friend yesterday consisted of:
Dinner?
OK. 6.
So only a few times a year has been enough for me since I was 19. Maybe 6 - 8 a year since there are 2 birthdays, mother’s day and father’s day.
Most days just for a chat, plus texts if we’re meeting up. Plus anything to do with the kid as they take their grandparenting pretty seriously. Plus anything to do with health as none of us can seem to go any length of time without injury or illness.
We get on really well. It took a lot of effort on all sides for years, but now, we get on really well.
They’re in Auckland, I’m in London. For the first year and a bit, I didn’t have a land line or internet acess. So I’d email them every couple of weeks, and they would call my cellphone every couple of months. Now I have a laptop with Skype, and we have a chat every few weeks. I prefer it this way, because I hated talking on my cellphone - normally crappy reception and it was really expensive for them, so we’d try and cram as much information into as short a time as possible. Now I can joke about the Tories with my dad, and mum can talk to me about her classes for as long as we want. It’s great - I like my parents more than I ever have, and can see them as people, rather than just parents.
In general and if there’s nothing else going on, every Saturday if I’m in Spain and every two if I’m abroad.
I’ve even, and after some very-pointed pointers, been able to get it through Mom’s skull that if she wants to speak with one of us, she can call. Her fingers will not fall off, nor will the world explode. If it’s going to be cheaper for us to call her (via VoIP, for example), then she calls, says “call me” and hangs up, but if it’s going to cost the same she even stays on the phone. Note that this is a woman who refused to call me to notify me of my grandmother’s death (her MiL) because “it is children who must call parents” - even the “call me click” is a huge improvement.
Tough question to answer since both my parents are living and they’ve been divorced for thirty-five years.
I call my mom about twice a week, because she refuses to use email and communicate like a normal person.
I call my dad just a few times a year, because he uses email like a normal person, but still wants to have conversations once in a while. A chat with dad is likely to go on for at least an hour and cover unpleasant topics like politics, so I am usually not all that keen on having these conversations.
Right now, we’re living with my parents for a few weeks while we’re in the process of buying a house, so I see them all day, every day (only 10 days left!!). Usually, though, I talk to my mom on the phone about once a week, sometimes more. We usually see my parents about once a week, too - either for dinner or because one of the kids has a game/performance. My brother calls my mom once a week, on Monday evenings, because he has a little commute to a once-a-week teaching gig and uses that time to chat with her.
My husband calls or Skypes his mom in Australia at least once a week. She’s been having some health problems, so he’s been touching base with her more often.
And, we’re all on facebook, so we keep up that way, too.
I put daily, but its probably more likely 4-5 times a week. Mainly it revolves around child care (they help out a bit with picking my son up from school on days the Beau isn’t working from home, and my son usually has a sleep over on weekends) but not always. I will call my mom for advice/ a chat, catch up on family news. Mom and I are friends. In winter when they go away phone calls drop to weekly, but their are several emails a week.
My parents are in their late sixties, fairly good health, (although Dad had serious heart surgery 4 years ago) and still live in the same house they bought when I was 12. I am 42 own my own house and have one child and a common law spouse who is not my son’s father, but is a father figure to the child. I live less than 10 minutes by car from my parents house. My brother Skypes with them weekly from across the country.