So, a current pit thread prompts me to ask this question based on a circumstance several weeks ago.
I’m in a bar with some buddies, and I go to the bathroom. There are five urinals (A through E from left to right. No they aren’t actually lettererd). There are three urinators, and following basic urinal etiqutte, they are using urinals A, C and E. Thus, nomatter whether I choose, B or D, I will be peeing betwixt two other men. I have not problem with this, but the wrinkle is thus: the person at urinal A is one of my buddies. This leaves me with the option of peeing between two strangers (urinal D), or one stranger and one buddy (urinal B). I never took AP peeing, so I never learned what to do in this circumstance.
As an aside, I chose urinal D, and the vote afterwards amongst my friends and I was 3-3.
This topic has already been covered, albeit numerically rather than alphabetically (numbers are drilled into these guys from an early point of their training), in this self-same forum by our resident female lawyer, who is now qualified to teach AP Peeing.
Provided all of the above are strangers, and the stall is out of order, I find myself having two options:
A) Try and figure out whether A or E started first and is therefore more likely to finish first (though age also tends to be a large factor in this decision)
B) Walk directly to the sink, and make it look like I only came in to wash my hands. By the time I’m finished washing, one should be open for my use. Then I wash again after.
This is indeed a conundrum. Using the stall opens you up to ridicule by your buddies, so I’d throw that option out.
Walking in with other people and washing your hands is too obvious a ploy, and also opens you up to ridicule.
In that case, I’d take urinal D, betwixt two strangers. The reasoning being that it’s more uncomfortable to have to stand shoulder to shoulder with your friends than with strangers you’re not likely to ever see again (odd that, ain’t it?).
If I remember my AP lessons though, most profs would teach that when your options are all equally dismal, choose the urinal closest to the door for a quick getaway.
As roger thornhill noted, based on my extensive study of the psychology of urinal selection, I am an expert. So I offer the following:
There are basically two types of men when it comes to urinal selection: respectful and jocular. Mr. Respectful would choose urinal D, between strangers, because he understands the rules of the urinal: don’t talk, don’t look at anyone else’s junk, and look only straight ahead (or at your own junk).
Mr. Jocular, on the other hand, likes to yank other people’s chains. He deliberately flouts the rules because it’s funny. To stand next to your friend while your friend is peeing is hysterical, because it violates all the rules of man-etiquette. And he’s your friend, so he can’t kill you.
So it should be pretty easy for you to predict which urinal your friend will use. Is he a rule-follower, generally respectful of others? D. Is he a clown, likes to get a laugh? B.
My two cents, as someone who never has (and never will) use a urinal.
I wouldn’t reccomend that. One time a (drunk) friend of mine got tapped on the shoulder mid-micturition, so naturally he turned to look in that direction. Then he realized he was now pissing on the guy next to him.
There really is no homophobia about it. It’s peeaphobia in my case. My gym is predominantly homosexual (straight guy here) and I have little issue with changing in the locker room, other than when I get smacked on the rear.
But, I’ve been married seven years, and I would never dream of peeing with my wife in the room.
In other words, I have no problem with nudity in front of others, gay or straight. But, I hate peeing in front of others, gay or straight.
It gets exponentially more complicated if your friend happens to be a dreaded urinal-talker.
Placing a stranger in between can prevent you from getting forced into urinal banter. However, many urinal-talkers have quite a large sphere of banter influence, and will still take the opportunity to strike up banter with you even with a stranger in between. This is doubly troublesome, because it will be louder, and will force you to loudly acknowledge the inane nonsense across an intervening stranger.
An alternative option is to fake receiving a cell phone call, hold it up to your ear like you are listening, then wait for a urinal to clear.
I was going to bring this up. To me, U-B is the natural choice. Better to pee next to your buddy, then between two strangers, if your buddy is in the room too. It would be uncomfortable for your buddy to make some comment to you, through the non-buddy.
Also, in a large public bathroom it’s important to show no fear. Peeing next to your buddy says you’re not pee-shy.
A bar with five urinals? Gee, most places I go have one urinal and one stall and I always count myself lucky that I don’t have to touch anything in the bathroom that doesn’t belong to me to urinate.
If every other stall is taken you take the one closest to you. If you take the other one it implies that you made a concious choice to be near the guy at urinal E. The only reason for this is that you want to see his pecker you big pervert.