Advertising slogans and what they really mean

In our area we have a company that sells and services copiers and other office machines. Their slogan is “Good service isn’t expensive, it’s priceless.”

Every time I hear this, my brain translates this as, “It’s expensive.”

What examples can you think of that really bug you?

Checkers (fast food restaurant) with “You gotta eat!” I always thought it sounded like they were saying, well, if there’s nothing else nearby, you don’t want to starve yourself, so you might as well eat at a Checkers.

“Fair and Balanced”. I figure that if it were indeed ‘‘fair and balanced’’ then it would be obvious and there would be no need to announce it.

“You’re in Good Hands.” no, not really.

‘The Real Thing’
Totally natural ingredients.

For most foods, but really for snack foods:
“low fat” = very high in sugar
“low carb” = high fat

Don’t forget ‘no trans fat’ on junk food = “we think this will convince you it’s healthy”

The AM/PM Mini-Markets (think Circle-K or 7-11) have the announcer on the commercials say “You can’t have too much good stuff.” A moment later he says “AM/PM, too much good stuff.”

So it means I can’t go there or I shouldn’t bother?

“Nothing cures headaches faster than product X!” - thanks for the warning, I’ll take nothing then.

“Try our new natural yoghurt!” - where exactly in the natural world did you find yoghurt? I think I’ll pass, thanks.

“No cholesterol!” on packets of chips. No kidding, as cholesterol only comes from animals; “we think this will convince you its low fat”

“Organic, natural food”

Was made from antinquated, inefficient and not necessarily better farming methods which, if applied to the whole world, would result in mass starvation.

The local news makes every reporter finish their story by saying “Telling it like it is”.
Every. Single. Time.

Before that they were “Live! Late Breaking! Investigative!”. I always sarcastically followed that with “pick any two…”

A particularly good example of this is Nutella.

“Half the fat of peanut butter, and less sugar than many jams”

Way to cherry-pick your comparisons, guys. How about “Hundreds of times more fat than jam, and a whole lot more sugar than peanut butter! Yeah!”
I also like, on cereal “Low GI when served with milk”

When I see the Dos Equis commercial where the Most Interesting Man in the World says, “Stay thirsty, my friend.”

Does he mean, don’t drink the beer - stay thirsty instead?

Or does he mean, drink this beer because it doesn’t quench your thirst?

I recently discovered a channel on my cable network called The Cooking Channel. They show some oldies (original Galloping Gourmet, old Julia Child, original Iron Chef, etc.) as well as new programming.

Anyway, the tag line in the ads for their channel is Stay Hungry. Er, if I’m watching cooking shows, I want to eat, not remain hungry. Do they not want me to make Nigella’s late-night chocolate chip muffins? Should I remain hungry? Is this a diet channel?

In both cases, they want you to be eternally unsatisfied, so you’ll never stop drinking beer, or stop wanting to eat.