Send her the links and then stop communicating with her!
I concur.
It is painful to watch a man attempting to demonstrate altruism when all he’s doing is trying to justify remolding a potential partner for his future fantasy of a relationship with her. Taking on the role of the white knight, and yes, the hope that she will be beholden to her saviour.
It is the needy who are vulnerable.
Very sad.
classic!
I could help. But then I decided to go on with the rest of my life.
If you’re lucky, this is just a scam, and if you go through with it, you’ll just be out ten grand or so. If you’re unlucky, then she’s telling the truth, and if you go through with it, you’ll probably end up much worse off. There are professionals that can help her; steer her in the direction of them and you’ve done your part to help her if she’s telling the truth, and you won’t end up ruining your own life, too.
I guess some people have to learn their own lessons. Congrats on being the 5,431,431 th guy to find that one hooker with a heart of gold! The one who really did quit drugs, and really isn’t in a relationship with the guy she’s living with, the one who just loves sex with old dudes and whose only hope is a guy in another country who she just happens to love even though they’ve never met…She love you long time!
By the way, I have a friend who is a prince in Nigeria…he just needs a little help, and of course you’ll get something out of it…
You may have researched her name, age and location. She’s probably adequately representing who she is. What you cannot research is the extent of her current drug addictions, who all else she is having sex with, and how much she thinks she can milk a naive guy like you for.
Use a condom when you screw her, congratulate yourself on being able to land a 20 year old even if she is in it for money, and save up some cash for when she magically needs money for an “abortion” in a few weeks. I think it’d probably be cheaper and easier in the end to have sex with a local prostitute, but if you need that (crazy, co-dependent, drugged up, sleeping with the dude she freaking lives with) girlfriend experience when you go whoring, go for it.
Stop trying to fool yourself about your intentions. If you really are worried that her self esteem is so low because she “gets used by men,” you wouldn’t be talking about how you want to stick your dick in her but don’t want to be in a relationship. You’d want her to be in an actually loving relationship with someone her own age. You would realize that a guy who she doesn’t know and isn’t planning to stick around is actually the last candidate to provide some “actual intimacy” in her life. Do you really honestly believe that your dick is the “one avenue of good feelings about her life?” Have you really tricked yourself into thinking that someone with massive intimacy issues needs yet another guy showing up out of the blue to bone her? There is no way that having sex with her would add anything positive to her life as she represents it…what she would need is one person who actually cares about her without her having to put out, duh.
God, she’s really got you thinking you are something special. Good luck on that one!
Had little else to do for the last few minutes, so I found some more resources:
As regards the past drug abuse, I was able to find this page from Alberta Health with plenty of links to places where she can get the counselling she needs to stay off illegal drugs. Best of all, such counselling is free.
I was also able to find this news story on an organization run by former sex workers that was established to help current sex workers who may be leery of dealing directly with government bodies. There is a phone number at the bottom of the news story. I’m unsure if this program is still running (it’s from a couple of years ago and its parent body’s web site is being revised), but it might be worth a call.
While researching an online correspondent might seem creepy to some, it is nonetheless prudent.
Back when I was involved in internet dating, I managed to find out that a particular “gentleman” with whom I was corresponding was wanted in nine states for mail fraud. I was nothing more than his next victim which I never would have realized had I not done the research.
I had been completely taken in by the stories he was telling, only to discover he had been telling the same lies to dozens of women for years. I consider myself lucky that I figured it out before it had gone too far.
It’s not just that he researched her. It’s that based on what he’s found on the Internet and by just talking to her, he seems to think she’s on the level. She may exist, as others have pointed out, but that in and of itself doesn’t mean much.
Also, if you have to research someone in order to trust them, why would you even want to get involved with them? It’s not like helping someone you already know who has a problem. It’s that he’s found this random troubled person that he’s trying to help. His motivations seem very flawed.
The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to watch Punch-Drunk Love.
snip
There is.
As far as people getting the meds they need for free or at the very least seriously marked down up here all she would have to do is visit the welfare office. Big red flag. She and her boyfriend maybe just trying to scam you for dope money.
If its for real.
As far as her getting out of the situation, I’ve tried to help out a female friend who was stuck in the same situation it basically comes down to them all she has to do is make the phone call to a womens hotline or drop by a womens shelter they’ll gladly help her out. No one else can do it except herself.
He’s not an ex.
I believe this part.
If she’s really clean, she has a hard road to walk and relapses are likely. She will probably need professional help to stay clean. If she isn’t really clean, she will do anything to get her next fix. Lie, cheat, steal and harm people if necessary. She could be the nicest person in the world, but when she needs a fix nothing will matter to her except that.
Quite likely. People in situations like this often create them and don’t know how to escape.
No, she isn’t. At best she’s scamming you and telling you what you want to hear. At worst, she’s convinced herself her knight in shining armor will save her and she thinks she loves you. But she is no more in love with you than you are with her. This is–again, assuming it isn’t a complete scam–a rescue fantasy on both your parts.
Use the resources that our helpful Canadian Dopers suggested and then back the hell off. If she’s scamming you, you will only get hurt by staying involved. If she isn’t scamming you, then both of you will get hurt. You are precisely the kind of guy that sex workers are warned about not engaging with. Knights in shining armor and hookers with hearts of gold self-destruct in horrible, horrible ways. If she needs help, she needs to get it herself.
You can point her in the right direction but you cannot save her. She is the only one who can do that.
Addendum-
It ain’t just poker. As a card-playing Doc, I specialize in Magic The Gathering.
I can’t wrap my mind around the illness issue. What health problems could a 20 year old possibly have that require thousands of dollars in monthly medications but still allow her to work in a profession as physical as sex? And not just the act itself, but all of the travelling required to meet up with her customers, unless they all come to her- which doesn’t seem likely with the abusive ex-boyfriend in house.
Point is, if these problems aren’t liver failure and STDs, they may be related to some sort of substantial illness or disease- one which may have a foundation or a research organization associated with it. Perhaps she can go to them for help?
I’d add that the OP should be very wary, if he suggests one of the above links to her and she dismisses it as “too expensive,” or “too much trouble,” or similar. As an Albertan, I can assure him that it costs nothing to enquire about income assistance (welfare), and prescription plans for those on assistance; and anything provided by Alberta Health will generally be covered by her provincial (i.e. government) health plan. In regards to “too much trouble,” all programs and services have phone numbers; most are local to her in Edmonton, but for those that may not be, there are toll-free numbers supplied. Internet access is not required, in other words; and to the best of my knowledge, hardcopy forms of all kinds can still be mailed out. They may also be available to walk-ins through resources such as the Elizabeth Fry Society or a women’s shelter.
In short, she should have no excuse for not getting the help she needs. If she provides one or more, OP, you would do well to consider breaking off contact with her.
ETA on preview:
I won’t go into all of the details of prostitution law in Canada (IAAL), but I will say that while outcalls (the escort visits you in your home or hotel room) tend to be legal, incalls (where you visit the escort in her place of business) are definitely not. Thus, the vast majority of Canadian prostitutes refuse to do incalls. Street prostitution also exists; which by its nature, requires travel and standing, and so on. So, there is an extremely high probability that she is doing just as prettydorky suggests: travelling somehow to entertain her clients, thus requiring a certain level of health.
I see now how the OP could look scammy about this, but no, she hasn’t asked me for money. She knows I don’t like her living with her abusive ex-boyfriend and the meds and money only came up as to why she stays.
She wouldn’t win a beauty contest, but I do find her very attractive and, yes, I am more smitten with her than I should be and it is clouding my judgment somewhat. Just talking about it here helps a lot, though.
Thanks to lexi, mnemosyne, and **Spoons **for the links. I’ll be contacting some of those organizations to see how they can help. The challenge will be getting her to accept them as she’s pretty independently-minded.
Good advice and I agree. She’s been responsive to my requests to improve her behavior so far, so I hope I can continue to push her down a new path. Otherwise, I won’t stand by or watch as she destroys herself; she’ll be on her own.
Yes, that’s what I’m thinking. Or that’s what I started thinking, then started thinking she might be past that, and now find that she’s working again so back to square one.
She hasn’t mentioned love, but she’s giving off vibes and I’m a perceptive guy. For the short time frame, it is probably some combination of emotionally messed up and a need for someone decent in her life.
You need more help than she does if you want to have sex with this woman. (or even want to get involved with her at all)
Few options:
Ask her what the drugs are that she needs that cost so much.
Tell her that you’ve been talking to other people and that they’ve been wondering if she’s trying to scam you.
What would you be doing or expecting of her in this situation if he was a guy? Other than probably not having sex with her.
One important thing to remember is that this could almost all be true, and it still be a scam. If anything like borderline personality disorder is involved, you could be the biggest saviour in her life one minute, and her mortal enemy as soon as you say no to anything once you’ve started helping her.
Otara
Dude,
Meds are practically free up here. If you have invested any amount of money into this relationship I suggest you cut and run, NOW.
Your idea of what medication is between you and her may vary, just saying.
She has an active ISP account but needs some help with her health medication ?
Thats odd.
Libraries are awesome.