He’s been out of staples for a few months now.
He’s been rather upset with me due to the forementioned fact.
So now that his tummy is full, everyone walks by and wants to use him.
I say to him, “Charkey, you are just being USED by these people. Open your eyes, man. They don’t CARE about you at all. They just use you for a cheap laugh”
but quite frankly, he’s an attention whore. He totally loves the unending attention.
so normally, I would say, “Fine, WHATEVER”
but come around midnight, he calls me, drunk, crying about his “friends” .
I have no idea how to tell him that there’s a new stapler in the office.
It staples four times as many sheets as he does, quicker and cheaper.
I KNOW exactly what will happen:
Charkey will get all upset and complain about these “foreigners” taking over “American” jobs (nevermind the fact that Charkey was created in China)
Charkey, I saw your picture, and I think you’re pretty cute. When you’re not stapling things, what do you like to do? I’m very interested in Marine Biology. I staple lots of things, too. We probably have a lot in common.
Are you thinking about trying to find another job? Maybe you could be a paper weight or something. If you’re really ambitious, you could try out to be a stand-in for Jaws, or Jabberjaw or something. Really! I think you’d be good at that.
I know you’re probably feeling really fragile right now. I’m hurting, too. I wasn’t included in pezpunk’s top 427 crushes, so I’m not ready for a relationship or anything… I was just hoping we could be friends. And see where it goes.
ps - you look really cool in that see-through plastic outfit.
Charkey said, in between mouthfuls of paper:
“Charkey, I saw your picture, and I think you’re pretty cute.”
why thank you! (he blushed at this)
"When you’re not stapling things, what do you like to do? "
really, stapling is my life. I do have other hobbies though: long walks on the beach. I read a lot too. mainly tech manuals. I love Iron Chef, too.
I grow weak at the jaw at the sight of a swingline staplers. I guess I just go for the industrial look. and hole punchers! I LOVE hole punchers!
"I’m very interested in Marine Biology. I staple lots of things, too. We probably have a lot in common. "
(he blushed)
“Are you thinking about trying to find another job?”
I am thinking of pursuing my masters degree in Stapology.
he went on:
I just read Pez’s list. I wasn’t on it either.
At this point he started drinking again.
He’s nice guy and all, but I am having a hard time keeping my mouth shut. It makes me mad, cause he showed up at work drunk and started making smartass remarks about my coworkers. His voice sounds amazingly like mine, so they all think it’s me!
p.s.
don’t encourage the see-thru outfits. Its rather embarassing to have him around the hole puncher.