For Christmas I did not get any of my coworkers any gifts. Several other coworkers do the same thing and it’s not a problem. However, one coworker buys everyone gifts, including myself. What is my obligation here? Should a I buy him a gift now? Can I just get him a gift, or do I have to buy everyone in the office a gift (it’s a small office of less than 10 people)?
Here is the second dicey situation:
My boss gave me a gift (and everyone else). Should I buy her a gift now?
First: Do not give someone a gift as if it’s reimbursement for a gift they gave you. If a gift is an obligation, it’s not a gift.
Second: Do not give a gift to your boss. Bad form all around, unless you pulled the boss’ name for Secret Santa. However, a thank-you note would be thoughtful and appreciated.
Third: If you feel like you want to gift coworkers, bring in a tray of snacks and put them by the coffee pot. Everyone likes snacks and it doesn’t put anyone in the position of feeling they have to respond in kind.
Personally, I never liked doing any kind of gift exchange at work. If you’re good enough friends that you want to give a gift, you’ll do it away from the office. Otherwise, it just makes things awkward.
My husband buys nice gifts for his staff (e.g. $100 gift cards to their favorite restaurants or specialty shop). In return, he gets everything from a hug to a tray of baked goods.
With co-workers, I really don’t think that there’s a hard and fast rule except to not give something inappropriate. A few years ago, my husband’s new assistant gave him and the big boss a girly calendar. Bad form.
One co-worker gave each co-worker a card and a decorated Christmas cookie. Some brought in baked goods to share. Others did nothing.
So, no, don’t get your co-worker a gift just because she got you something. If you can’t help but feel obligated, maybe just give something like a small bag of Lindor truffles.
Don’t give either your co-worker or your boss a gift. It’ll just encourage them.
Thank them nicely, write them thank you notes, but do not buy them a gift. Under no circumstances buy anyone else a gift.
Once you start a gift exchange with someone then how do you stop? Eventually you find the holidays to be a burdensome expensive chore. Ask me how I know this.
There are still a few people in my life who give me gifts despite complete lack of reciprocation on my part. My lack of reciprocation is actually a message, the message is “I don’t want to be in a gift exchange relationship with you”. I almost never like the gifts I receive, my primary thought is “Where am I supposed to put this?” (I always say thank you, or write a thank you note.)
I rarely exchange gifts with my husband! We will buy each other gifts if we see the perfect thing and not otherwise.
I am of the opinion that gifts should not be allowed in the workplace and that policy should be strictly enforced by HR.
However, human nature being what it is, buying gifts can do wonders for your career. Yes, you absolutely should buy a gift for your boss. Also, it should be a nice gift; high end chocolate, liquor or a snack basket. Most people will automatically think better of you. They can’t help themselves. It is bribery, pure and simple, which explains my first sentence. I think it is bad for the company. It can, however, be good for you.
Don’t bother giving gifts like mugs filled with candy canes; they aren’t good for anyone. If you think you absolutely cannot afford it, stick to cards. I think you can’t afford not to. It will pay more dividends than your 401(k).
Some places I worked (at a large corporation) had a ban on buying gifts for supervisors or managers. They didn’t want coworkers competing with each other as to whom would give the best gift. I wonder about the scene in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation about the table of gifts in the boss’ office - they all looked like L-shaped packages of some sort. It seemed like Clark felt obligated to give the gift, but it was not really appreciated.
One of my favorite episodes of “The Office” is the gift exchange. Ignoring the $15 limit, Michael (the boss) brings in a $300 ipod for the temp, whose name he’d drawn, then insensitively reveals that he could splurge because he got a big bonus…which ticks the rest of the staff off because they didn’t get any bonuses that year. Then Michael opens his gift, and makes his disappointment known. It’s an oven mitt, hand-knitted for him by Phyllis. Michael crushes her by saying, “I bring in an iPod and end up with a stupid oven mitt!” and then proceeds to change the rules to a Chinese auction, just so he can pressure his staff to relieve him of his gift. Jim’s hand-picked gift for his crush Pam, complete with a personal note tucked inside, is publicly opened by another person. It’s hilarious.
One year we had an office exchange that was right out of “The Office.” One of the managers, who came from Puerto Rico, was unimpressed with the ornaments and chocolates that people before her had opened. So she walked up to the huge pile of gifts, and proceeded to search for one very specific gift bag… which made it very obvious to the group that she was searching for the gift SHE brought. She finally found it, then exclaimed very sarcastically. “Surprise! A $15 Starbucks gift card. I happen to love Starbucks!”
Well, the next person walked over to steal it, which was a part of the game she wasn’t aware of, because she didn’t hear the rules and no one before her had stolen a gift. For a few tense moments, she actually wasn’t going to part with it! It was only under pressure from the group that she finally handed it over. But it was clear that she. was. PISSED.
Relieved of her “good” gift, she had to select another gift. It was a NASCAR watch. Well, she proceeded to make such fun of that watch that the lady who brought it ended up crying actual tears, because she thought it was a good gift. And some NASCAR fan might actually have stolen it, but it was pretty much non-verbally understood that she WAS going to end up with that damn gift, if we had anything to do with it.
Ah, the good old days. Nothing like a gift exchange to bring out the magic of the season.