I’ve raised 3 and I tried not to overly influence their thinking one way or another about religion. I know what I believe, but I also know that there isn’t a single person in this world that knows “the truth” including me, so my focus was more about raising kids to have an open mind and not be too dogmatic about these issues. We talked about various people/cultures/religions/friends beliefs, but I tried not make the discussion about what I believe.
About the only areas where I tried to influence (other than normal parenting - self love, golden rule, honesty, hard work, competition, cooperation, etc.) were:
evolution (uhhh, yep, it happened and continues to happen)
gays (no they are not bad/evil/going to hell/immoral etc.)
These two required active work on my part due to the vocal minority pushing the opposite message.
I neither hope for a reward after death nor wish to serve a deity. I just hold onto the forlorn hope that there is some point to our existence that persists beyond this earthly life.
I don’t despair of life–indeed, I quite enjoy life and have plenty of reasons to continue living. I do fear death, but it certainly doesn’t keep me up at night or anything.
Of course, but the likely lack of an afterlife bothers me now.
I’ve spent a great deal of effort trying to influence my son with respect to these issues, too, especially that of evolution and science in general. (My wife and I haven’t discussed homosexuality with our son all that much until relatively recently. Neither my wife nor I think that it is immoral or anything.)
I still remember running into my first Young Earth Creationist (on a Navy ship) who carried around this binder clearly explaining how radiocarbon dating and most of modern science was a hoax, etc. :rolleyes:
Unfortunately, my son now seems to equate all religion with being anti-science, and specifically, with being anti-evolution, which wasn’t exactly my intent.
All in all, though, I’m not sure I would have done things much differently than I have. I’d much rather try to introduce a bit of religion to a son who is pro-science and pro-rational thinking, than try to introduce science and rational thinking to a religious fundamentalist type.
You think that you’re “pretty rational”, but I’m not finding anything rational in these statements. What is it about the idea of an afterlife that is so comforting to you? Catholicism teaches that you have to earn your way into heaven so, if the afterlife is so important to you, why aren’t you actually trying to get into it?
Members of other religions and atheists (no, they are not bad/evil/going to hell/immoral/without any moral code etc.)
Does your son know about religioustolerance.org? It’s a good place to learn what people of various faiths believe about lots of different topics, including evolution. He’d learn there that not every religion is opposed to science or to the theory of evolution.
I’ll try an analogy. I may hope that I will win the lottery, but quite rationally realize that it is quite unlikely that this will ever happen (especially since I rarely play it). Similarly, I may hope that there is an afterlife, but quite rationally realize that it is unlikely that it exists.
I would think that would be obvious.
I don’t necessarily believe in a Catholic afterlife. I’d like to believe that the afterlife is something incomprehensible to us. I believe in doing good on Earth simply because I believe it is the right thing to do, not because of some supposed reward in Heaven.
Perhaps evil people go to Hell (but I don’t believe this). Perhaps good people go on to an afterlife, but evil people just cease to exist. Perhaps we all go on to an afterlife regardless of our conduct. Perhaps (indeed, most likely) there is no afterlife. I can still hope, and this hope doesn’t really affect me here and now, other than give me some slight comfort. As you say, if there is no afterlife, it doesn’t really matter, does it?
There’s nothing wrong with taking him to church on Easter/Christmas - I disagree with posters who didn’t think that was a good idea. That’s the best time to go.
I really have a hard time imagining either holiday without the church service or all the religious trappings. I know (I guess) that people celebrate a “secularized” Easter as well as (obviously) Christmas, but that seems really hollow to me. Whether or not going to church on those days gives your son an appreciation for church or not, it should give him a deeper appreciation of the holidays and why they are important to religious people.
It’s not at all obvious. If there is an afterlife, there’s no rational reason to believe it will be better than this life. You only think it will be better because that’s what your religion taught you. It could totally suck. The idea that there’s no afterlife should, rationally, be more comforting since the lack of an afterlife means assurance that you won’t suffer after you die.
I don’t think you approach these things at all rationally and your son is likely to be put off by any attempt to impose religion on him because all he will get are unsatisfying answers that only serve to reinforce his belief that it’s all baloney.
There isn’t anything wrong with it, I just wouldn’t do it. Too many people. Why add to the crush of Easter/Christmas church goers if all you are going for is tourist purposes? And why waste valuable holiday time if you just want to give a kid a religious culture lesson? There are plenty of Easter/Christmas only worshipers to overfill the pews.
But that’s me - I hate crowds and was a Very Practicing Catholic for most of my young life - EXCEPT on Easter and Christmas which were Holy Days of Obligation that my family didn’t participate in. So there really isn’t much special about Easter mass for me, since that wasn’t something we did on Easter. (My crowd dislike is intergenerational).
Maybe this is a really out-there, off-the-wall suggestion, but have you ever considered asking the kid what* he* wants to do? At 13, don’t you think he’s old enough to decide for himself? Why bother trying to expose him to religion for cultural reasons now?
Do you really think there is no moral compass without religion? Do you honestly believe that a person cannot just think through the logic of a moral dilemma and choose the action that will hurt the fewest people?
OP, you’re his parent. You don’t have time to try to give him some passing familiarity with religion? Let him decide what he thinks about God, but you could have at least discussed this stuff by now.
That’s pretty freaky. Was he trying to impress upon you that church is important to you spiritually, or did he take your decision as an act of disrespect to him and the family?
Yep, that was all covered under the not being dogmatic about views in general, and specifically not trying to push them towards or away from religion in general or any specific religion.
OK based on your reply, I believe it is your wife that needs your reassurance that your son is fine, safe in God’s hands, and she did exactly what God needed her to do for him. And there is no guilt on her part, only her having to trust that God will guide you son.
The guilt and condemnation that you expressed you wife is feeling has to be released, and by God’s very own word your son is saved through her because of God’s Love alone.
Who the hell knows? My whole family was terrified of my dad. Lucky for us, he was not, as a rule, physically violent. But he went into these rages and screamed his contempt of us on a more than daily bases. I used to beg my mom to leave him, and I learned later that my sisters were doing the same. Perhaps he got violent that time because it was the first time the screaming didn’t work. To his credit (which doesn’t seem like the right phrase), once he realized that beating me wasn’t working, he stopped that too.
Iif you want to be fair to your son and give him a realistic overview of religion in peoples’ lives, you SHOULD show him some of the more distasteful elements.
You should also discuss news items involving religion and how religion is evidenced in the public sphere.
To tell you the truth, I’m guessing an education like this may end up having more effect on you than it does on him. IMO, he is already in the right place.
If you’re going to ‘expose him to some tradition’ I think you need to be clearer with yourself about why you’re doing it.
Given you’re focussing on only one religion to do this, I think there might be a bit more to it than that.
The main thing I would say is you wouldnt be failing as a parent if you dont make him go to church or if you did. The more important thing would be how you discuss it with him and whether you can give him clear reasons about why you’re doing it either way.
Why do you feel you are failing as a parent? Is it because of the lack of religious education, or something else?
Do you mean any religious tradition, or your own personal religious tradition?
If you mean any, then I would bring him to a Unitarian Universalist church, like you mention in your OP - that is the best choice (I assume that you are near to a UU church). Most UU churches have a service somewhat similar to a catholic-style service (a minister with a sermon, uu “hymns” during the service) but at a UU church you can be an atheist and also a moderate catholic without having to be hypocritical (professing to believe something in which you don’t). If your wife is totally against the UU church, then ask her how she would like to handle it. If she insists that a Catholic religious education is the only one acceptable, then I would tell her that she first needs to make peace with the Catholic hierarchy and be willing to talk to a priest.
I see nothing wrong with wanting to teach your children something about religion. It would be wrong to tell him “you must believe in God.”
My experience: my wife and I are both former Catholics, when our children were born we decided that we would like them to know something about religion, so we go to a UU church.