Advice on how a wedding-phobe can endure his wedding

[Isosleepy]

A wedding can, in the end, be exactly how you want it to be. Especially if you guys aren’t in the first blush of youth. My second wedding was in a place we both liked, only had people that at least one of us had to actually like, and only had the most critical features (officiant, food, festive decorations, music, booze). No bridesmaids, groomsmen etc. No church. No rubber chicken dinner - we had caterers put together a very high end buffet, taking the tastes of the people we liked into consideration. Don’t let anyone tell you what tradition demands. Don’t let anyone who isn’t paying demand anything - and don’t let anyone pay for anything to make sure that rule has its full effect. In the end, the wedding is you guys celebrating something - the idea that anyone outside of you guys could dictate even an iota of any of that is ridiculous.

[Die_Capacitrix]

@kitap

There is no law that a reception has to have dancing. I went to one that didn’t - the floors couldn’t handle it or something.

We had a string trio. There was no dancing. 120 people, approximately.

[nearwildheaven]

@Oredigger77

We did. It’s by far the best photo from the wedding. My wife’s rule was not in her hair. which I avoided nicely as she ground cake into my face. We almost to 7 years and doing well.

Remember feeding cake to each other is weird having a food fight is fun.

I guess it has to be a mutual decision. These weren’t.

[carrps]

@nearwildheaven

I was a hotel banquet server and have attended my share of weddings, and I have NEVER seen ANYONE do that. I have known a few people who said that happened, and the wedding album was evidence that they told the truth, and all of them divorced after unhappy and often abusive marriages.

We were discussing this on another site, and several people (okay, women) said that they told their husbands in premarital counseling that if he did that, she would walk out of the reception and demand an annulment. They knew he wouldn’t behave so disrespectfully, but they did want to make their opinions clear.

p.s. To the OP: Just get married at the courthouse. Have a party later if you really want to.

This happened to a cousin of mine. He ground the cake in her face. And she hauled off and slapped him. They were divorced about a year later. She’s been with her current partner (without benefit of a ridiculous wedding) for decades now and is very happy.

[skdo23]

@Tim_R.Mortiss

I was a groomsman at a wedding in a small town in northern Wisconsin, where I learned a valuable tip: the inside breast pocket of a tuxedo is just the right size for a pint of hooch.

One problem though is that being the groom tends to involve a lot more hugging than being a groomsman.

[Tim_T-Bonham.net]

@Velocity

I am secretly hoping this coronavirus pandemic will provide the perfect excuse to get married at City Hall with no wedding ever,
but I think social-distancing and all that will already be gone by the time this all happens.

So don’t wait. Tell her you’re terrified because of this plague, and the chance that it might take one of you, and one would have to live on forever regretting that the two of you never married. So you want to get married right now, even if it means just you two and a couple of witnesses at City Hall.

And promise that you’ll have a big party celebration later (maybe your Anniversary?), when this pandemic is over. And she gets to plan everything for that celebration the way she wants it.

It’s worth a try.

[Loach]

Make your fiancé happy. What’s wrong with that?

Beyond that speak to her. If there is something you really don’t want to do like the first dance hopefully she will understand and leave that out.

[don_t_ask]

Just be thankful that it isn’t your funeral. Surely that will be enough?

[Alessan]

@Loach

Make your fiancé happy. What’s wrong with that?

Hopefully, they’d both want to make each other happy.