Advice to Airman Doors, USAF

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

While at boot camp,
“Just think how much money you’ll save by not going out at night,
or the daytime for that matter.”
my brother, who had had three days too much of the hot tarmac and turned to his sergeant while working on an F-14 asking, “Which one is the blue wire.” then taking the only accepted colour blindness test of two coloured lights saying white, white every time and then waiting three months since they wanted to make him a cook but he said he had a contract to be a jet mechanic so they let him go and then he joined the Marines by looking up the recruiter who enlisted the mentally retarded poor soul who died by pungo sticks at basic.

“I’m not in your army, general. I earned my dishonorable discharge.” Twilight’s Last Gleaming.

“How can you trust someone who can’t even put his hat on straight?” best recollection about a Harry Truman quote about General Douglas MacArthur.

“It’s easier to seek forgiveness than it is to ask permission.” Admiral __________.

Question to aircraft carrier indoctrination class,
Q: “Did you give up your constitutional rights when you enlisted.”
A: “You are correct, sir!”
Answer was yes if you thought you had.
Answer was no if you thought you hadn’t.

Was Ollie North’s greatest crime:
Ignoring a congressional law or
not having enough guts to tell his boss to **** ***?

First words upon arrival at Lowery AFB, Denver, Colorado,
“Welcome to Fort Laidback.”

My father tried to join the Navy but they said he didn’t have enough education. So he joined the Army, and they made him an officer in the Air Corps. (Flying B-17s)

This has nothing to do with advice but this is the only opportunity I’ve have to tell this story. Interservice school, break time, one air force type to another air force type who had a dollar bill out for a vending machine, “I’ve got a puzzle” the Smartalec said grabbing the dollar bill. “Show me a tada, tada, and a movie title on the dollar bill.”
Rube gets everything except the tearing of the dollar bill in half and the saying, “Gone With the Wind.”
“I’ll get you for that” the Rube said as we snickered.
Four months, yes FOUR months later the Rube asks for change and gets four quarters for the vending machine in exchange for a dollar bill. When the Smartalec inspected the dollar he noticed it was torn in two.
“Told you I’d get you” was the reply.

Conclusion: Do what you’re told but if convinced that you are right, no matter the coercion, stand up for yourself, no one else will. Better to live with yourself in Leavenworth for a decade than having to look at that whimp in the mirror for the rest of your life.

And don’t forget, if life was fair then everything that ever happened to you was because you deserved it.

…

2

Someone please tell me I am not the only one who finds this post incomprehensible.

3

You beat me by one minute, MH.

4

To be super cool don’t ask, “Where’s the Class II store” or, “Where’s the exchange.” or “Where’s the Ship’s Store?”

Ask, “Where’s the Post Store.”

5

Such is the price of lessestness.

Airman Doors USAF is about to leave for boot camp.

A send off would be nice.
Being nice is so nice.

6

Airman Doors USAF is willing to give his life for your right to call me an idiot.

I fully support his right to give his life so you can call me an…

wait a minute…

7

nope.

Still in a mental fetal position.

For what it’s worth…um

Good luck, Airman? Stay away from the pungi stakes?

right?

Is this what we’re talking about?

jarbaby

8

That was a send-off? I thought it was a sypphilitic capuchin having caffeine seizures on your keyboard. Carry on.

9

AcidKid: Huh?

Airman Doors: I’m a Navy guy myself, so I can’t really speak for the Air Force except to say they have the nicest quality of life I’ve ever seen. Have fun, and don’t let any of the boot camp b.s. get to you. It’s all in your attitude.

10

[homer]

Heh heh heh – Mule.

[/homer]

11

And now I know why.

Thanks, I think. :confused:

Somewhere along the way this thread departed reality and entered the Twilight Zone.

But I get the general import. So thanks a lot for the kind words.

12

I’m not sure what that was supposed to mean either, but surly our friend can profit from unsolicited advice. With that thought in mind, here is a short list of rules for getting through basic training with a minimum of grief:

  1. Get yourself in pretty good physicals condition before you report. You will be doing lots of running, so go run. Go down to the local high school track and do quarter miles until you can crank them out at a consistent 60 seconds.

  2. Pack light. Clean jeans, clean shirt, a couple changes of underwear and sox, a light jacket, old pair of sneakers, shaving gear, that’s it. No jewelry, no expensive watch. Uncle is going to give you every thing you need and you will be allowed not more that 25 items of laundry each week.

  3. When you catch K.P., and you will. Be very polite and obliging to the guy who runs the mess hall. Clean the pots with a smile. You want the mess sergeant to remember you fondly so that next time, and there will be a next time, he will let you take a nap in the dinning room and put you in charge of the milk machine.

  4. Always address senior N.C.O.s by their full title-First Sergeant, Sergeant Major, Master Sergeant. Never call you First Sergeant “top.” You have not earned that privilege, yet.

  5. Stay away from officers, especially Lieutenants. If you cannot avoid them, just salute smartly and keep moving.

  6. Above all, do not attract attention. Keep your mouth shut. Don’t smile. Don’t roll your eyes. Stand in the rear rank. Pay attention, listen and don’t ask questions. Don’t be a spring butt. Keep your person and bunk clean. Don’t bitch.

Surely there are others who can offer this young person some help for the trying eight weeks he has in front of him.

13

If I could do that, I’d be a world class athlete. That’s only slightly ambitious for a 25 year old guy who just lost 70 pounds, wouldn’t you say?

14

When I joined the Marines 19 years ago, everydamnbody and his Big Chicken Dinner brother told me, “Never volunteer for anything.” Over and over and God Jesus, over again.

Got to boot camp, only to discover that the DIs knew of this advice. Anyone who DIDN’T volunteer spent lots of time on the quarterdeck mountain-climbing to China.

So my advice–“VOLUN-GODDAMN-TEER for everything.” Of course, Uncle Sam’s Misguided Children are a bit more extreme than the USAF.

Sir Rhosis

15

He is going in the Air Force! Calm down on the lay his life on the line drek.

Dude you just entered the physically easist service there is, don’t worry about running. When you get there ask them for your room key, and what time the butler will come around to clean up your suite. Be sure to get your copy of the menu as well. Don’t tip the room service people, and be sure to complain about the food.

Make sure to show up at formations at least 10 minutes late, otherwise, people will think your strange. Also, Dude is short for LT, Man is short for D.I. Asswipe is for anyone who gices you any grief. So to be really cool use the lingo.

If some wise ass tells you to so push ups, let them know that it wasn’t part of your contract, and they cost extra. If you have to walk more than 200 meters, check to be sure that someone isn’t driving. If it rains, tell them you can’t work in this sort of weather, they will call it off.

16

Good line of thought, Spavined Gelding.

I’m far too exuberant over the Avs advancing tonight, so I’ll expound on some of your well-made points, with my 10 years old experience, some of which may no longer be up to date.

Pack Light
Definitely. You are better off taking disposable razors, if your face can take them. All toiletries ARE inspectable. You leave a whisker on it, GIMME A 341!!!

I would go so far as to recommend that you ONLY bring toiletries. I wish I had gone with only the clothes on my back. They take it all away from you anyway.

K.P.
This was without question my favorite extra duty. If you want an easy job, try to be the glass-washer. If you’re finding yourself hungry all the time, you can surreptitiously scrape handfuls out of the Pots and Pans you can be in charge of.

K.P. involves nice, long breaks. Enjoy them.

Addressing Officials
In my time, you dared not ever refer to anyone by their rank. The first words out of my mouth were “Sir (or Maam), Airman Stringer Reports As Ordered.”

various tidbits

Make sure you ALWAYS have at least two 341’s on you at all times.

You’re going to be in a hot, humid place. Do NOT feel bad about changing your drawers twice a day. It will help you feel more comfortable.

For God’s Sake, LEARN the Air Force Song. Not just the “Helluva Roar” part. It’ll help you relax to sing it out at PT.

Make sure you drink your “TWO GLASSES OF WATER WITH EACH AND EVERY MEAL!!!”

Start wearing heavy boots now. Your feet will thank you for it.

Med Hold is the worst thing in the world. Stay off it.

The Chocolate Milk in the mess hall (I ate in the “Gaylor Dining Facility”. Whooo.) is delicious. Unless you’re ordered to avoid it, go for it. I was the first im my flight to gather the gumption, and it was the most delicious drink, nay ELIXER, that I have ever tasted.

All will be fun and games till you get on the bus to go to Lackland. That’s when people will start to crack. We had a girl literally run away as soon as the doors opened.

When you hear “click click click” straighten up. The TI’s wear taps.

One day, in the dorm, someone will pop the caps off the end of their bed and tap them on the floor to make sounds like the taps. You will freak out. It’s okay.

If you have no bags with you, you won’t have to “pick them up and put them down” a zillion times.

Always start walking with your left foot.

Have as little cash as possible. Your security drawer will be the only place you can keep your cash. You will have to have a “Money List” on which you must write down the serial numbers of each bill you have. This can cause problems during a surprise inspection. I was lucky enough to be able to surreptitiously write one out while the inspectors were coming down the line; it saved my ass.

DO NOT wear your shower shoes outside.

The first night, when they take you to get food, if the people at your table are too shocked to eat, EAT THEIR FOOD. It will help you stay strong; you’re not going to get much sleep.

You will be told that if you have a woman entering a male dorm, you must first announce loudly “FEMALE ENTERING THE DORM!” so that everyone can cover themselves. If it is a female TI entering, you would be well-served to announce “LADY ENTERING THE DORM!”

Speaking of which: Dorm Guard duty. Remember this: Sir, may I help you? Sir, may I see your authority to Enter?" Then, they tell you to touch the glass by the ID card, and then the access list. DON’T REALLY TOUCH THE GLASS. Point very near it, but don’t touch it. And, make sure that the person you’re checking isn’t toying with you. Sometimes, there will be an ID card with Mickey Mouse’s picture on it. DON’T LET THEM IN. This is, in my opinion, the most BORING job you’ll have to do.

Check your pockets even if you haven’t worn the clothes. The TIs will slip pieces of paper into them so that you can be nailed on inspection. I found pieces that read such niceties as “YOU DUMB SHIT” and “GIVE ME A 341”.

One stitch of white thread does wonders for making your towel’s ends meet up nicely.

Find one thing that you do REALLY well, and trade off your services. I could shine boots to a mirror sheen in no time, and I enjoyed doing it. As a result, I never had to fold clothes, iron, or police my area for dust bunnies once I made the right deals.

Try to not get under the covers if you don’t have to. That’s just more bed-making in the morning.

Unless it is very important to you, do not go to church on sundays. Stay at the dorm and clean it. You’ll finish early, and you can help each other to rest by standing guard over the door.

At night, once you’ve all started to click and become friends, you’ll want to talk sometimes. They can hear you in the office downstairs. That intercom is powerful.

Above all, DON’T GET TWEAKED, FREAKED, or GEEKED. The worst thing that can happen to you is they recycle you back in training. If you’re not making REALLY stupid mistakes, that won’t happen. Play attention to detail, and you’ll be fine.

17

Also, don’t use that damn liquid shoe polish. It looks gray in the sunlight. You’re much better served learning how to lay a coat of polish on.

For a shoeshine rag, find a nice thick cotton T-shirt. Cut it into pieces and use that. If you want your toes to have a mirror finish, don’t buff them, just polish them. Little swirls with polish and water will result in a glass-like appearance.

Contrary to what you might be told, you do NOT need to light the polish on fire. Ever. Just close the can when you’re done with it, and it won’t dry up and crack.

Never carry change in your pockets if at all possible.

At chow, don’t avoid the snakepit. They won’t jump you unless you’re being foolish, or look scared. Since it is likely that they won’t know your name, you might consider keeping walking with your tray as if you did not realize they were calling you out.

One of the less-irritating dorm jobs is Bed Aligner. Try to get that one, as it is comparatively cake.

18

:rolleyes:

Listen, you are going into a service that does not exactly sit in a foxhole all day and eat MREs. That doesn’t mean you aren’t going to spend 1 hour of last night in MOPP 4 running around a runway making sure there are no bombs on it, or 5 1/2 hours in the DCC trying to make out what your fellow airmen are mumbling over the radio. It also doesn’t mean you are not going to have to sit at PSAB (it’s an air base) in a hot ass bunker for 10 hours at Alarm Red.

You will hear a lot of people whining about how easy you have it - and you relatively do. The Air Force spends more money on its people and taking care of them than any other service. So, I shall deliver unto you wise words that a Gunenry Sergeant deliver’d unto me during my brief stint with the Corps . . .

"Suck it up, Princess. . ."
Tripler

19

[QUOTE]
Gunenry Sergeant

[QUOTE]

Damn keyboard. . .

20

Stand at ease, Airman. That means stand still and pay attention. Only John Wayne says," listen up." Sixteen year old high school girls with under developed secondary sexual characteristics and braces run the 400 meter hurtles in 60 seconds or less. Surly a full-grown adult male can knock of 400 meters on the flat in the same time, especially if you have two months or more to work up to it.

Nothing you can do is going to attract more unwanted attention from the training cadre than falling out of a P.T. formation. Believe me, you do not want that to happen to you. Your sergeant will not care how old you are or how big you were six months ago. Your sergeant has more than enough problems and will be inclined to solve any difficulty you present in a very direct manner. A recruit who cannot keep up in P.T. is a problem and that problem will be solved by having the recruit do P.T., under close supervision and during what would other wise be off duty time, until he does it right. In the meantime you will have committed the sin of attracting attention with the consequence that your name will come to mind every time there is a lousy duty roster to fill.

You may assume that the donor of this information once commanded a basic training company and knows whereof he speaks.

Go run the 400’s.