Let me tell you a little about my father. He was in the Marine Corps for over two decades, and thus gained some unique knowledge and life experiences that a lot of people might never have the chance to get. Especially, with a number of cases, in civilian life.
Over the years, he’s been able to share some of that wisdom with me.
A few that come to mind, immediately:
•Always take Mosquito repellent if you go to Alaska. And make sure it stuff that works—even if it’s in a pink Avon bottle.
•You can get the best sleep of your life in full jump equipment, in the middle of the day, laying flat on your back on an airfield tarmac, in the shadow of a cargo plane wing.
•Possibly related to the above…[sub]“bzz bzzz bzz dwzb bzd bzzz!”[/sub] “What?” "I said ‘Proper Hearing Protection really is important’!"
•You can spend an entire month in Oklahoma one week.
•Some An-124s don’t (or didn’t) have pressurized cargo holds (This was to discourage stowaways. According to the crew, anyway. Crazy Russkies).
…What? Did you think I was going to get all political and maudlin, or something?
Anyway, like I said, that’s some of the best that’s come to mind—aside from a couple of memorable pranks—but it’s all second hand, I’m afraid.
But it occurs to me that there are quite a number of current and former military dopers, here, who’re bound to have aquired similarly unexpected pearls of wisdom in the service. 'Anyone care to share?
There is no such cleaning compound named “Prop wash”, nor does it come in a bucket.
“Flightline” is not available by the yard.
Also, whatever memorandum, instruction, or idea you come up with and get support from your boss and boss’ boss, will invariably be shot down by some ‘staff weenie’ beancounter in the back cubicle of the back office of warehouse where they keep the Ark of the Covenant.
If you do something wrong, your ass is grass. If you do something outstanding, your Division Officer gets the credit.
The Commanding Officer is ALWAYS right. (Even when he’s wrong, he’s right.)
The chief is never late, he is detained elsewhere.
The chief can either be your best friend, or your worst enemy.
No matter how undesirable a job is, if you bitch enough about doing it the chief will find something even worse for you to do.
After three months at sea, a 5 lb. can of coffee will get you two rolls of TP; someone to take an overseas, inport quarterdeck watch; three beers ashore; AND a date with an 18-year-old sister in Norfolk. Anything less, you’ve been ripped off.
The only thing more humiliating than being told to fetch an ID-10-T form is looking for it for a half-hour and asking a half-dozen people. Which is, of course, why we always nail the new Airmen with it.
The student loan repayments made by your GI Bill are counted as income but the Army and the IRS don’t communicate all that well. That year they figure out your ‘income was under reported for the past three years’ is a bitch.
When a 200lb artillery round with a point detonating fuse falls as it’s being lifted from the back of the ammo vehicle to the gun it will not go detonate, even if the fuse is sheared off when it strikes the rear spade. Though the paper work to turn in a crushed pd fuse and a damaged HE round are enough to make you wish it had exploded.
But when asked to find a box of grid squares I would advise against cutting up an old map from the training room. Some people have no sense of humor and may attempt to write up a counseling statement for willful destruction of training materials.
Reminds me: one of our vehicle mechanics in RED HORSE sent a new A1C out for some timing belts, a specific fuel hose, and a length of ‘Fallopian Tube’.
The young lad was gone half a day before he returned from the OB/GYN with some yellow surgical tubing. :smack:
I don’t know about anybody else, but I went into the military with foreknowledge of the various wild goose chases old heads are wont to send out a FNG on. I spent some lovely hours loafing and snacking on assorted poguey bait whilst the grizzled veterans believed me to be on a fool’s errand.
And you can actually find flight line. There are metal sheets that the engineers use to make temporary airfields. One clever FNG was able to find the NSN and make up a requisition for it.
If sent for a case of ground guides, take it as an opportunity to take the morning off, but be sure to pick up some plastic army men from the px to put in front of each vehicle in the motor pool.
More FNG pranks:
Our com guys were always out of liquid squelch, so the FNG had to go to the other side of the post, then all they had was paste squech.
If handed a ball peen hammer and told to crawl under an APC to check the armor for weak spots, don’t.
