We saved the EMHO report for butterbars on their first weekend briefing.
10 Doper bucks (non-negotiable) to the first to identify the EMHO report.
Just… don’t send the female officers to go check it.
Recruiters lie.
(although that being said, I am told they’re doing less of it than when I went in. although that could be a…)
First butterbar I saw that done to (when I learned what the EMHO report was) was female…
edit: and hot! And asking questions at 4:30am towards the end of a mostly boring midnight shift…
And as mrAru found out, it will extract 2 guys out of the slammer in La Mad as long as they didnt actually assault someone physically.
Joined the Canadian Reserves in 1989 and was surprised to learn the death penalty was still on the books (and would remain so until 1998), even after being abolished from civilian law in 1976.
And Skyhooks are in surprisingly short supply. Or at least I never managed to find one.
There is no such thing as relative bearing grease.
You actually can sleep standing up, if you work at it.
There really is such a thing as an internal alarm clock. And it continues to work long after your military life is over.
The Air Force has the best chow, the best facilities, and the worst construction people.
The Marine Corps has the worst chow, the worst facilities, and the best fighting force on the planet.
Seabees get head of the line privileges in USMC chow halls. It’s usually not worth it.
You can trade for almost anything.
Lets see, a few more Army related…
>I learned that the Army is the biggest bunch of thieves on the planet but… All thefts are not created equal. The midnight requisition is a time honored tradition. But stealing from your buddy makes you the scum of the Earth.
>As those running the PX know, Joe will buy anything as long as it’s camo.
>There is nothing worse than a Blue Falcon.
>While stationed overseas Joe would rather fight for the ugly PFC in supply than go outside the gate into a country filled with beautiful women, just because some of them might not speak English. (talking about Germany, not Iraq)
>Everyone knows that the Air Force is populated by a bunch of pussies who are too soft to join the real military.
>Everyone in the Army at some point regrets not joining the Air Force.
Everyone will get seasick when the sea state gets bad enough.
The dry heaves are worse than anything else.
Don’t ask anyone from M-DIV for a mechanical punch.
Shit doesn’t mean fecal matter when talking among squids. It’s just a general non-pejorative term for stuff. Except when it does mean fecal matter.
Batteries for the sound powered phones are always in short supply. Ditto for shore line, bulkhead remover, gland seal and left-handed monkey wrenches.
Navy is an acronym for Never Again Volunteer Yourself.
The main difference between the military and the Boy Scouts is that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
If a Chief Petty Officer tells you something with absolute certainty, check with your Leading PO before you believe it.
All special request chits for time off from married service members start with this phrase “My wife, she …”
All sea stories start the same way - “Now this is a no-shitter, …”. approximately 110% of them are complete bullshit.
Now, my unexpected discoveries:
[ul]
[li]Always pack a deployment kit of hinges, eye hooks, screws, nails, and extra parachute cord. You never know how sparse your B-Hut cubicle is going to be. It’s amazing how much a fold-up desk will do for you.[/li][li]Blankets. Always bring more.[/li][li]Pack up a care package for yourself at home, and mail it the day before you deploy. Or have your wife do it. It’s always good to have a care package the first week.[/li][li]Plain water sucks. Bring those little ‘Crystal Lite’ drink mix packs. They fit good in your pocket.[/li][li]Yes, in fact, you can live off Pop-Tarts from the BX for a few days. [/li][li]Always carry a pocketknife. Trust me on this. And get good enough to be able to open it with one hand.[/li][li]When working with concrete, don’t let it sit on your skin–wash it off.[/li][li]Deployments are fun. Just gotta keep 'em in perspective, and be smart so you can go home with some war stories.[/li][/ul]
That’s all I got for now.
Tripler
Yeah, I can’t emphasize the pocketknife thing enough.
Related to that pocketknife thing - always carry a flashlight.
You had a Phantom Shitter? That’s legendary!
To my own credit, in my seagoing days, I made $400 on a single carton of cigarettes which I had saved opening until the 3rd month at sea. I was one of only two people on board who still had cigarettes and the other was simply not selling. One individual offered me a straight trade of $100 for a full pack, which I declined because it was my last. the last smoke by anyone on the trip was two weeks before we pulled into port. Whenever I had a nicotine craving I just felt that huge wad of cash in my pocket and the cravings weren’t so bad.
Of course that trip was a trip from hell…a story for another thread I’m sure.
I always heard this one as:
“Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, and never pass up a chance to sleep.”
Several of my brother’s “Mili” (compulsory military service, now extinct) mates learned that different parts of the world, in fact different parts of the country, have different holidays.
Some soldiers I met on a mountaintop (volunteers to the High Mountain Brigade) found out that snow is as pretty in person as in pictures - and also that it’s bloody cold.
I’ve never been in the military but I’ve discovered that a large amount of our volunteers would ask for units that were very far from what they were used to seeing at home. Pretty much everybody in High Mountain was from the South, a very large amount of sailors from inland (met several who hadn’t seen the sea before signing up, and this is Spain, the sea is 5h away from your house at the most).
Every soldier I’ve spoken with reports sleep as being a great invention.
Spanish soldiers in the First Gulf War discovered that foreign soldiers would pay for “our” rations.
Following up on my post from yesterday, E-Sabbath won the Doper bucks, but then I read the contest rules and they are void Up the River. So sorry about that, E.
For all others who have been patiently waiting for an explanation of the EMHO report (where’d all those crickets come from?), it is the Early Morning Hard On report.
Butterbars were always so much fun to abuse. Unfortunately, they became Captains sooner rather than later, and some of them lacked senses of humor.
The MG Loader’s First Law: A hot replacement barrel looks just like a cold replacement barrel.
In summer, sleep beats food. In winter, food beats sleep.
It doesn’t matter what you put in your pack, it’ll always inaccessible behind a sleeping squadmate in a dark recess of the APC, anyway. Live on what you have in your pockets.
The cabin heater in an M113 APC has a recess that is perfectly shaped for a ration can. It is still a really bad idea to heat a ration that way. (The #3 APC smelled like burnt goulash for weeks.)
If you wear enough layers, your pants leg can catch fire without you noticing.
“Infantry Weather” is not a good thing for infantrymen.
Sleep deprivation hallucinations are annoyingly mundane.
ETA: Posted by Spiny Norman, not Shayna.
If a French soldier offers you a case of wine in exchange for your field jacket, turn him down.
When bedding down in the field in deep winter, leave your boots outside your sleeping bag, but keep you rifle inside.
Never, ever, ever, ever clean the First Sergeant’s coffee pot. Ever. Dump it, rinse it, make more coffee, but don’t you ever let soap touch the inside of that pot. Ever.
My one vaguely military experience was in the cadets at school. The one key conclusion I took from that was that if there’s an illogical and/or inefficient way of doing something, that’s the way it has to be done.