Advice to live by

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So, for no apparent reason, I decided to form a collection of ‘advice to live by’. The idea is to have intelligent, witty, humorous or deep one-liners, and collect them all in a big list (The current copy being here )

[ul]
[li]If it’s stupid, but works, then it isn’t stupid.[/li]
[li]It takes 42 muscles to frown, but only four to bitchslap the asshole that’s pissing you off.[/li]
[li]Just because the person you’re arguing with isn’t you, it doesn’t neccesarily mean they’re wrong.[/li]
[li]However, consider the balance of probability.[/li]
[li]Minds are like parachutes; they only function when open.[/li]
[li]Minds are not like parachutes; jumping out of a plane at 20,000 feet armed with only your brain is rather ugly.[/li]
[li]Don’t be a fuckwit.[/li][/ul]

Anyone else want to have a go?

(If you do, would you mind saying if it’s ok for me to put them on the site? Any quotes will be properly attributed if you wish them to be.)

Kit

2

One’s life is never so hurried and rushed that they should fail to take the time to be polite.

3

Include these on your web site if you wish. They’re stuff I’ve picked up along the way.

Pain is inevitable; misery is optional

There are a million ways to be a great mom, but no way to be a perfect one.

4

One day, you’ll be dead. It’s then too late to do all the things you want to do, and have all the experiences you want to have. Plan accordingly.

5

There’s no such thing as too much chocolate.

(you may quote me on that)

6

I knew this would be the perfect place to get some good lines. Some great ones already - thanks.

Just to clarify the OP, the one-liners should of course be on the subject ‘advice to live by’. (I figured it was obvious, but I’m sure if I didn’t clarify someone would come along and be deliberately silly about it :))

Kit

7
  • I thought we were invincible, but now I know that the things that people do to each other, they remember, and if they stay together, it’s not because they forget, it’s because they forgive.* from the movie Indecent Proposal
8

If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.

Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.

Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death.

The only way to have a friend is to be a friend.

Youth is a gift of nature but age is a work of art.

Wisdom is the wealth of the wise. Honesty is the first chapter of the Book of Wisdom.

...and, my personal favorite,

If you want to be heard, speak up…
If you want to be seen, stand up…
If you want to be appreciated, shut up.

(okay to post all as far as I’m concerned, I can’t claim any of them)

9

(Use these at Will. . . or whoever else you may want to use them at.)

  • No one has ever changed their politcal views, religious ideals, environmental behavior, or personal code of ethics due to anything written on a bumper sticker. Ever!

  • Contrary to popular belief, expressing your views on any of the topics above in such a way as to make yourself sound superior to others only motivates said others to hate your pathetic little guts.

  • Freedom of speech is not to protect the ideas which you like most, rather it is to defend those which you like least. (I forget where this one came from, but I saw it on the front door of a Hustler store)

  • Thigs which matter most, must never be at the mercy of things which matter least. - Goethe

And of course, my sig line. . .

10

One I always try to keep in mind: “The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously.” --Nicholas Murray Butler

11

Ok, the site had been updated with most of the ones posted so far. I’ve missed out a couple because they didn’t seem to fit, and a few more because the person in question didn’t give me permission to use them. (Sorry to be so picky about that, but I’d really rather not violate copyright.)

Thanks again everyone, these are great.

Kit

12

I don’t think you get into copyright trouble for quoting single lines. Besides, most lines listed here are probably quoted already anyway.

13

As gacked off of… I dunno, several dozen websites:

Beware the one who wields a power greater than himself.

Far away places always seem like a good solution until you get there and realize you brought yourself along.

Curiosity was framed; Ignorance killed the cat.

Be not inhospitable to strangers lest they be angels in disguise

Don’t be so open minded that your brains fall out.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

One is seldom criticized for a closed mouth.

Nobody is as deaf as those who choose not to hear.

Raising your voice does not reinforce your argument.

Unless it’s expressly forbidden, anything goes.

AFAIK, it’s perfectly fine to reproduce these. (This falls a bit in the category of the last quote, I suppose :D)

14

Don’t know if this fits, but I’ll post a couple of Piet Hein’s always witty/wise ‘grooks’. I find the poetic form makes it easy to remember your favourites and there are lots to choose from - several hundred?

Meeting the Eye

You’ll probably find
that it suits your book
to be a bit cleverer
than you look.

Observe that the easiest
method by far
is to look a bit stupider
than you are.

A Psychological Tip

Whenever you’re called on to make up your mind,
and you’re hampered by not having any,
the best way to solve the dilemma, you’ll find,
is simply by spinning a penny.
No - not so that chance shall decide the affair
while you’re passively standing there moping;
but the moment the penny is up in the air,
you suddenly know what you’re hoping

15

Don’t brew coffee or tea naked.

If the problem can be solved by writing a check, it’s not a problem, it’s an expense.

Never eat oysters when you’re lonely.

Make sure your tools are doing most of the work.

A sharp knife is the safest one.

Never sleep with someone crazier than yourself.

There are no stupid questions.

16

Check six.

Keep the blue side up.

Flying isn’t dangerous – crashing is.

There are three simple rules for a good landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

17

Everybody’s life has problems all the time. There are no exceptions.

Work with what you have. Not with what you had, or should have, or think you’re going to get. Work with what you have.

Life exists cause we couldn’t make this stuff up.

18

Given your OP, I think anybody who posts here automatically gives you the right to use their original quotes on your website - after all, you made it quite clear as to what you were doing.

You have permission to use mine, of course, but I can’t vouch for it’s originality - it’s something my grandmother used to say.

19

Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day. Set fire to him, and he’s warm for the rest of his life - Terry Pratchett

However well you do in your tripos exams, there’s a *** from Trinity who’s done better. - A random list of quotes somewhere.

People who say ‘You don’t want to know’ are always technically wrong, but always actually right. (me, quotable, prob. not worth it)

Being surrounded by ignorance is like being surrounded by a bad smell - sometimes it’s you. (me, etc.)

Kit - You know Jennie Lees too?

Shade (A *** from Trinity who didn’t do better.)

20

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

Be the person having fun, not the person standing around criticizing the people having fun.

Do anything you want, but do it whole-heartedly.

Why take life seriously - you’ll never get out alive.

Quote away - I made up the first three, and the fourth is from a t-shirt from the 80’s, I believe.