Since it hasn’t been mentioned yet, (WhyNot kind of did, with the advice on Advance Directives). I think that this needs to be specifically mentioned…
Make out a will and file a copy of it with someone trustworthy that is not, in the will. A will that isn’t secured in such a manner can suddenly ‘disappear’, and that is a can of worms you definitely don’t want to open.
I won’t bore you with my particular ‘drama’.
Suffice it to say, if my Dad (RIP) had thought to do this, I wouldn’t be dealing with the stress, turmoil and hate that a greedy ‘sense of entitlement’ has induced in my siblings. 
Hell, I’m already thinking along those lines and I’m only in my 30s. Dear everyone: stop giving me crap. There are never more than a handful of things I actually need, and I try to tell family about those things around the holidays. But they always want to be creative and get all kinds of other stuff because “I just knew you’d love this mug/picture frame/movie/Darth Vader action figure!”
When my Mom needed big scary heart surgery, she stressed out for a week beforehand, trying to think of all the important documents we should have access to “if something happens.” I’m making it a goal to have a folder made up by the end of this year with a list of important documents and where to find them, along with a list of my accounts and passwords. If something happens to me, I want my husband (or someone else) to be able to quickly access everything of importance.
I’m in my 60’s. no kids, no sibs. Sole caretaker of a mother in her 90’s. Lots of money and property (hers and mine) just sitting there. Assuming I outlive her, it’s all going to charity. My family will get zip. Surprise!
Relatives have run for the hills, afraid they’ll be asked to help with my mom. I have many friends, thank the diety, but they are busy leading their own lives.
All major documents are in order, clearly labeled, with another set in the custody of the lawyer. I do need to make a current list of passwords and such, since it’s been a couple of years from the last update.
No favourite great-nephews or nieces?
I don’t have any nephews or nieces or great nephews or great nieces. No siblings. Only child.
I have lots of first, second and third cousins who I mostly only see at funerals. I have one aunt, who lives 900 miles away and does not travel. The cousins will come to parties if we invite them, and they seem to enjoy themselves, but they never invite us to theirs.
Several of them drive by my mother’s house daily and wouldn’t think of stopping in. Which is surprising because she is a very nice lady. I understand they probably just don’t want to be involved. That’s their choice. I owe them nothing.
Every elderly person has been middle-aged and no middle-aged person has been elderly, so I’d be consulting them for advice, not the opposite.
I want to add: If you need a hearing aid, GET ONE. My FIL is 92, and cannot hear much of anything. It adds SO MUCH STRESS when one member of the family is always yelling WHAT??, while the TV is turned up to “11”.
Generally true, but finances, accelerated changes in technology, birth control, both genders working outside the home and better medical care have given us the unprecedented gift of many more elders without strong care networks than in the past. We’re all making this up as we go along.
And the massagers. :o
Two of my sons cleared out my brother’s place when he died. They wouldn’t tell me what they found. They just side-eyed each other and smirked. And said the older brother --the one who’s married – got all the good stuff.
When the loved one who is being your caretaker tells you it’s time to think about moving into a retirement home: research them, choose one and move into the damn home. Having to admit you against your will to the first available bed because you are too stubborn to leave your home and can’t care for yourself anymore is fucking heart-wrenching.
Bah, when I get too old I’ll just wire my house to a heart monitor on one end and a large pile of thermite and gasoline on the other.
Why yes, I do plan on taking it with me! 
A really really horrible real life example here: one of my patient’s sons - her primary caregiver - killed himself last week. He couldn’t handle the stress of caring for her anymore, and couldn’t bring himself to force her into a home against her (dementia-addled) will. So he gave her a bunch of candy bars to raise her blood sugar, called the ambulance to come take her to the hospital for hyperglycemia, and killed himself while she was away. It’s a big fucking mess that shouldn’t have happened. I feel like I failed him, and the system failed him (but mostly he failed himself, I get that, too.)
Please…if your kids tell you that you need to be in a home, consider that it may not just be you that needs to be in a home. It may be that they can’t take it anymore, and *they *need you to be safely in a home. If you are part of the process, you can find some really nice places. If you end up in the hospital with no family to come get you, you may end up at some shit-hole with an empty bed.
[More venting than advice]
When you spend all your retirement savings in your 50s, mortgage your house up to the hilt right before prices crash, and max out three credit cards, please don’t assume that “things will work out” and “I’ll never get sick.” They won’t, and you will.
And then when you’re miserable and scared and calling your kids about it every day [who have their own young families and are trying to plan their futures to end the cycle], don’t be surprised when they aren’t very sympathetic.
This, and I would add, please inform everyone concerned about how you plan to divide things up before you are gone. If you do not tell them, it will create a situation after you are gone when this is revealed, and the one who helped you the most, who you gave the most to, will be stuck trying to explain to the other(s) how you came to this decision. It is a burden they really do not need at that time.
If you have collectibles, or things of real value (not just to you), please document these things so we know about them. Do not assume because you pointed to it once on your bookshelf that I am going to remember.
Show someone where you keep all your important documents regarding your finances.
If you have a checking account, add someone to it that can write checks to pay some of your bills for you if you are hospitalized.
Please discuss with the executor of your will how you want things to go after you are gone. Don’t make any assumptions - if you want to be buried somewhere, or have your ashes scattered, make it clear, so there is no guesswork for the bereaved.
+1.
Sometimes we just have to suck it up in order to be compassionate. My Mom has a LOT of stuff, and it will be painful to go through when she’s gone, but it makes her happy NOW. For her happiness, I can put up with some inconvenience and sadness later. Big whoop.
I have several “notes to self” in the communal “family records safety deposit box” that we all have keys to. Example: Dear me at 80 - if the kids are telling you to give up your driver’s license, listen to them. Remember how frightening Grandpa was??? - Signed, me at 60.
I did this because something must happen to people between 60 and 80. Things must look different. What makes sense to the rest of the family simply doesn’t make sense to them anymore.
Of course, I might not listen to myself either…
^ This.
After my grandmother was safely into the nursing home (even though against her will) apparently one day my stepdad looked at my mom and said “You seem different. You actually look relaxed.” And she realized that she WAS, because she was no longer constantly worrying.
On topic: When your caregiver nicely tells you to go take a bath, TAKE THE BATH. They’re telling you that you stink.
Label your photos. Your kids won’t recognize your high school friends and they won’t be able to tell which second cousin that toddler was.
Mom brought two big boxes of photos when she visited, once, and we spend days going through them and adding labels. I thought everything was set. Then she died and I found out that she had three boxes that she had inherited from her mother and more that her mother had inherited from her mother-in-law. I may never know who some of these people are.
Every time I get back to sorting them, I find a new category that I’m not the least bit guilty about throwing out. The first thing to go was black and white vacation photos with no people in them and no label. Negatives were next. Then multiple copies. I’m still winnowing.
I learned this from my mother. Her mother refused to make a will under the logic that her daughters knew what was theirs. Except that one daughter lived far away in Alaska (my mother) and the other daughter was her mother’s caretaker for many, many years and came to regard everything in the house as hers. When grandma finally died at age 93, my aunt had no intention of sharing any of the antiques and very collectible books and whatnot with my mother. Much bitterness ensued and they didn’t speak for several years.
As a result, my mother labeled everything that had any value in her house with our names, and made an extensive list that went into her will just in case the labels fell off. I’ve now sent most of that stuff (there wasn’t much) to my kids and asked them to please hang on to it for their own kids. Sold my coin collection for the cash, so there won’t be any bickering over that. The will is pretty specific, although it doesn’t enumerate ‘things’. If I precede my wife, she inherits everything. If not, all cash and proceeds of sale are divided evenly.
I agreed to be the executor of my mother’s estate only on the condition that she tell everyone what the terms of her will were. I told her she would be gone and I didn’t want to lose my sibling because of ill-will.
I’m 52. It’ll be a while before I can retire, but I’m actively working towards that. Right now I’m putting a new roof on my house. In a five years, when it’s paid off, I’ll work at upgrading the electrical and then installing central heat and air. Right now I may be able to haul in wood for the wood stove, but in 10 years? I have made an agreement that everything goes to one niece, in exchange for her agreeing to care for my animals for the rest of their natural lives. I’ve told everyone this, but I haven’t put anything in writing, which I need to do. If there comes a time when I can’t live independently on my farm, I haven’t figured out what I’m going to do - probably sell the farm and wove into town. Then I’ll have to pay board for any living horses I have, and still have a house and yard for the dogs.
StG