That boy you like? He’s gay.
You’re not fat.
Take notes on your time on the Peds ward. As it turns out, those three years as a boy candystriper will still be defining you at 50. Tend the details. And don’t worry about forgetting Kerri’s last name. You never will.
You know how good a friend you are? Figure out how you are doing it because that will fade in time and you’re going to wonder how the hell you lost touch with so many good people.
Don’t perfect your emerging art of bullshitting yourself. It will wind up being a tremendous weakness.
Sarah won’t wind up being your end-all and be-all. Immerse yourself anyway, she’s your first love.
Figure out how to say no.
Get more exercise. You don’t want to slowly get fatter your entire life.
Ooh!
Story time!
Bypassing a lot of selfish bs about stocks and sex (which I’d do like everyone else), I’d tell myself to put down the sci-fi novels and talk to my brother more - the huge chasm that separates us now was a tiny fissure back then. I’ve always thought he was a great guy, but realized later that it would have meant a lot for him to hear that from me back then.
Take better care of your teeth.
Carpentry is a dead end. Finish college.
Never, ever, buy anything with a credit card
I also have a hard time believing that I could give the 15-year old me any advice that he/I would follow. I simply had to go through a lot of teenage/young adult trauma to grow up and learn. That said, I do wish I could go back and tell myself some things that might make that life a bit easier to bear:
It gets better.
The weight problem? It’s not. It all falls off in the next year or two. It’s a family trait, your body has just been preparing the last few years for a massive growth spurt. Oh yeah, you’re going to grow about a foot taller over the next couple of years, too.
Don’t sweat the fact that you’re a drop-out. You’ll make it to college when you’re more mentally ready, and you’ll do really well.
You have – and will continue to have – depression. It’s not your fault, it’s not other people’s fault, and you’re not broken.
It’s going to take you a while to figure out who you are. Don’t be afraid to make changes and experiment. And when you find something that “works” and seemingly defines who you are, don’t assume that it’s always going to work. Be open to changing and questioning yourself.
It gets better.
You won’t be beat up forever.
Go to the Community College, & take that microcomputer major.
Forget about the dog, get a job even though you feel too depressed to get out of bed - you’ll feel 100 times better when you get that first paycheck. Leave school and home as soon as possible, don’t waste any more years of your life feeling helpless. You can find a sublet downtown easily.
Don’t do a damn thing different. You have one hell of a charmed youth. You will look back on it with fondness all your life. You will also have a charmed rest of your life in spite of making some of the most stupid decisions so just have a ball exactly as you did. I want to say major in archeology and minor in anthropology just as you wanted but if you do you may never meet the woman who finally loves you as crazy much as you always wanted so don’t change a thing. It’s going to be great so don’t spend so much time pining for miss perfect body blonde who dumps you senior year. Be a little nicer to those who came after while you were nursing the wound as well. They were worth ten of her.
Spend more time with your Dad. You have no idea how much you will miss him. You think you know how great he is now but all your life you will spend trying to be half as great and failing. Forgive yourself for that as well because your kids will think you are anyway. You are going to have a great life. Buy that Apple stock though.
If you’re a young woman, and very proud of those new tits-remember, in 25 years you’ll have to get them squished every year, and you’ll worry like hell, every time. Those new things you’re so proud of will become a worry point.
But enjoy for now!
The stuff you’re studying in high school that seems pretty pointless? It probably is, but what you need to do is learn it. You will need to learn new things your whole life. And if you know how to learn new things, you will succeed.
Your academic performance does not define your worth as a person. Chill out. Be a nerd, take joy in learning and pride in your accomplishments, do the best you can, all of that is good stuff, but you are so much more than those things. A bad grade does not make you worthless.
At the moment, you’re trying to decide on a career, and you’re torn between being a doctor or a psychologist. It’s becoming a false dichotomy. There are other options out there, consider all of them. For example, have you thought about nursing? It may not require such a high grade as medicine but, as we’ve discussed, grades are not an indicator of worth.
Learn more about the LGBT community, and what precisely L, G, B and T mean. It’ll be interesting, and this information will be valuable to you later on. Never mind why, you’ll know when it happens.
You remember that health class in Year 8, where you all exercised vigorously then measured your pulse as it slowed down? And yours was still high after everyone else’s had gone back to normal, but you were embarrassed so you lied? It wasn’t because you’re so terribly unfit (though you are a little unfit). Your heart is that fast all the time, even at rest, and it is a medical problem. Go to the doctor, he’ll do a blood test and prescribe iron supplements, and that’ll fix it.
Spend as much time with Granny as you can.
Follow through! Pick a few things to do, and do them until you’re pretty sure they’re turning out as well as they can from whatever you can contribute to the cause! (Girls are a perfect example of this – follow up with SOME sort of meaningful communication, dumbass! – but there are other things as well, like that time you didn’t even bother to really find out what needed to be done to help make that outdoor concert happen.)
The common thread in all this – and maybe it really does require living life for years, a la that great Proust quote – is developing a sense of what OTHER people need/feel/are trying to accomplish, and so what YOU should do to achieve your goals (or at least make that a possible outcome) while satisfying theirs. And this, in turn, requires more of an awareness of REALITY on this planet – yes, the one right here, it’s called Earth, check it out, you might like it, you ninny! – and less time spent fantasizing.
And don’t give me that “but they haven’t invented e-mail yet!” excuse. These are mostly girls you see every day, and the other ones you could easily have gotten digits from. Don’t be afraid of failure! You SHOULD be suffering through dozens of rejections! That’s the only way to know that you’re at least giving it a shot! At least a few attempts will surely work out – but only if you can get over that fear of embarrassment! Think through what it will be like to be around a girl the days after she turned down your suggestion. It won’t be that bad! Whether it’s just between you two or it’s public knowledge, it will be okay! You both might even have a good laugh about it. You might become closer friends, even, which would be great, too.
Look at people as possibly wonderful to know, before anything else. Seek what you like about them.
Tell Fred how you feel, then SHOW him how you feel (hint: he feels the same way).
Take some art classes, even though you don’t need them. Then you can get a scholarship to Yale. And when you get there, don’t get distracted by everything else.
Your father is a monster, but he’s not JUST a monster. Remember that he had a father too.
Keep playing violin, and don’t start smoking.
There is no God. But you already suspected as much.
Don’t start smoking.
Don’t coast through high school and college.
Don’t turn down a full ride scholarship to a far away school in favor of a closer school.
Don’t major in theater.
- You are making a fool of yourself over R. Stop it.
- You are going to have to tell Dad to FOAD sooner or later. Make it sooner, like right after you turn 21.
- The relationship you are going to have with T will be sweet (and you’ll get laid a lot) but it’s just high school lust. When it has run its course, let it go! (BTW, in 10 years her sister will want to fuck you. Let her.)
- Get a career, shithead. You won’t like working for yourself and being your own boss one little bit.
- Get the hell out of town.
Sun screen- USE IT!
As some others have said, lot of this information would’ve been lost on me at 15, though it would’ve come in handy a few years down the line. (I’ll be 33 in a couple months, by the way):
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In about four or five years, you’ll make peace with the fact that being a professional baseball player isn’t in your future. However, you shouldn’t use it as an excuse to not keep in shape throughout your 20s. It’s going to be an absolute bitch when you’re just shy of 30 and finally decide it’s time to start taking better care of yourself.
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That low-paying part-time job you’re going to get in order to have a few extra bucks in college is just that and nothing else, no matter how much you enjoy working there. If for any reason you have thoughts of quitting school in order to pursue (non-existent) advancement opportunities at said low-paying part-time job, don’t go through with them. Your bosses will be more amazed by your stupidity than your dedication and will never give you any serious consideration when advancement opportunities do present themselves.
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You’d be wise to listen a little closer to what a university that is offering you a partial academic scholarship and is in constant contact with you has to say, even if you think they’re just “throwing you a bone” because your dad and sister went there.
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A little over a decade from now, you’ll basically fall ass backwards into the sort of job you may have gotten had you completed your education in the first place. In the meantime, learn some kind of trade to make things a little easier on you in between.
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It’s more than just “cold feet” when you spend the better part of a year and a half wondering whether or not you should call off an engagement to a person you’re not even sure you really love. DO NOT feel any extra pressure to marry this person if you have a child together during the engagement. You’ll still be a good parent and have a great relationship with your child without any of the mess that comes when the two of you divorce a little over two years after you get married.
Heh. I came across my diary from age 15 the other day. Written on the inside cover were the following words: ‘‘This diary is intended only for the eyes of the Lord, except in the event of my death, in which case it may be shared so that the Lord God will be glorified.’’
So, the first thing I would tell myself is, ‘‘Lighten up and go have some fun. You’re going to be a Buddhist eventually anyway.’’
Then I would tell myself, ‘‘There is nothing wrong with you, your parents are crazy. The part where you think you’re a horrible person - that’s depression and Stockholm Syndrome. Get out of this hellhole and go get some Wellbutrin and CBT.’’
‘‘Also, that chick who has the hots for you, that you won’t make out with because you’re straight? Do it. You’re going to fall in love with a man when you’re 19 and this is really your only chance to make out with a hot chick.’’