Advise requested: Swiddle love. BAH!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

I have lurked on this thread, as is my wont on threads like this, because I have somewhat cynically come to believe that people will do what their hearts (or other organs) tell them to, and all the analysis, advice, and discussion is so much window dressing.

But here I am, posting. Why?

Because I have read SwimmingRiddles’ words, and followed her thought process, and I think she rocks. More specifically, I am tremendously impressed with how she doesn’t sublimate herself in this. She has a strong sense of her value, her worth, her self. She isn’t going to shed all dignity in a desperate effort to feel loved; she knows is is well and truly worthy of being loved for herself, and… while sad that this man isn’t going to do that… never questions that she deserves to feel loved.

Despite scads of ABC After-School Specials pounding that message into us, I am afraid that it rarely is exhibited. And now that it is, I feel it’s right to mention and applaud it.

Swiddles, I expected nothing less of a Three Minute Mystery Champion. :slight_smile: I am well and truly impressed by you.

  • Rick
42

OK, after much obsessing and even more gathering of advise from friends and strangers (there was one German guy named Rolf who really came in handy) I decided that it was idiotic to NOT call him. I’ve known the guy for two years, even if we hadn’t swapped bodily fluids, I had a right to say goodbye. So I mixed myself up a whole lotta margaritas, smoked a few cigarettes, and called him. I was light and airy, and – if I don’t say so myself – perfect. I told him that I didn’t know Friday had been his last shift, and that I would have said something. Like, um…Bye. So I’m just calling to say…bye. He told me he wanted to see me before he left and that he was going to call me (suuuure.) At any rate, we’re going to do something Saturday night. I’m thinking that I’ll make dinner. And ask him to stay over. I’m pretty great at telling a lot from someone’s tone, and he was happy to hear from me. And everyone’s right, I have nothing to lose.

And the thing that made it less scarey for me? It sounds stupid, but the 17 year old girl I work with came up with it. She told me to NOT identify myself on the phone. Not to pull a Seinfeld “it’s me,” but to just say “hey, how’s it going?” If he didn’t recognize my voice, after everything, that’s a pretty solid indication that he has NEVER listened to ANYTHING I’ve said. I mean, two years and some crazy monkey-love…you’d better know my voice.

Rick, thank you for the kind words. I needed to hear that, especially from someone I respect as highly as yourself. And thank you to everyone else for taking the time to tell me what I need to hear. Here’s hoping Saturday goes well.

43

Good luck on Saturday. Both Triskadecamus and Bricker have given great advice from both sides of the coin.

Swiddles, you said:

*“Besides which, I don’t think he loves me. I think he COULD love me. But if he loved me, he wouldn’t scamper back to his apartment after sleeping with me. He’d call me to see how I was. If he loved me, he’d want to be around me, not just %$#@ me.”
*

And so I think you’ve got your answer there. He’s not in love with you. Doesn’t mean he won’t be later on, but he’s not, and probably won’t fall in love with you while he’s away at school. My guess is that he’s not interested in a relationship with you, or not interested in a long-distance relationship. But, as Triskadecamus says, you’ve got nothing to loose by talking about it with him.

Story time with Eonwe:

This summer I became smitten with a girl I was in a show with. She and I “went out” a few times (although we never called it that) and ended up spending a few nights of, as you say, “crazy monkey-love.” We never really talked about our “relationship,” whatever that may have been, and now she’s left for school in NYC. I talk to her occasionally, and am going down to visit her around Thanksgiving (as well as visiting a bunch of other people… there’s nothing that indicates this is a “special” visit of any kind).

Anyway, I am totally confused about our relationship. I would like it to actually be a relationship, but don’t know if maybe it already is. She is a long way away, but hell, that’s all right.

So, the moral of this story (if it has any relevance at all), is that communication can do nothing but good, IMO. Have a great time on Saturday, be open, be honest, and take charge of this thing instead of leaving yourself intentionally in the dark.

And, if afterwards you need a drinking partner for a few days, let me know! :slight_smile:

44

Here is the only advice I can give you: When I look back on my life, what I regret the most is the missed opportunities, the times I should have said something but didn’t, the times when I should have taken a chance but I was too chicken. So if you want to tell this guy something, then tell him. The worst that can happen is, he’ll reject you, and it’ll be painfull for a while. You’ll get over it. If you don’t, you may wonder about him for the rest of your life.

<cliche> Don’t play the game of life with sweaty palms. </chiche>

That’s my advice.