Hey…just wanted some opinions on a situation that just arose. I recently met someone at my church and we hit it off right away. Up to this point it has just been strictly friendship, but it seems that each of us might be interested in more, but here is the catch. I am 25 years old, and was wondering how young is too young to be inappropriate for me to ask out? I am not going to reveal her age at this point. I wanted some opinions first. I appreciate whatever input I can get on this.
Just to clarify…I am not ashamed of her age. I just wanted to get a ballpark figure of what was seen as acceptable by the population at large. Thanx!
Well you are unsure of something if you are writng this thread.
You are 25 then she must be under or close to 18. Let me tell you Toby teenage girls do a lot of growing up between the ages of 18 and 25, and if this girl falls in love with you and then it turns out to be something you don’t want to get into then you run the risk of breaking her heart.
If she happens to get pregnant, and you as the daddy are 25 and she’s 18 then what is she going to do about college? just wait a couple years?
25 is 25 and 18 is 18 I’d say find someone your own age or as close as you can… the tables would be turned if you said you were 25 and she was 32. The younger they are the more growing and experienceing they have to do.
Phlosphr, thanx for the reply. There is a lot of truth to what you say. For the record, she is 17, but will turn 18 in a few months.
I speak from experience when I say that there is much truth to your comments. When I was 23 I began dating a girl that was 18. We were together for almost 2 years. Shortly (less that a week) after she turned 20 she decided that she didn’t want to be tied down and wanted some freedom at that point in her life (which I understood and respected) so we parted ways. It has been almost 9 months since our breakup, and again I find myself attracted to a younger woman (which always seems to be the case with me) I am well aware of the risks on all sides of this issue having walked this walk before (not very long ago in fact) That is the true source of my concern, not just the numerical difference in our ages.
This is not always an easy issue… there are those people who will be blnided by the fact that no one accepts them as they are… and that is what the relationship is built on…
The whole “I don’t care what anyone says… this is what I want” thing can actually make you grow more fond of the person for no reason…
but maybe she is older? …
I would find it hard to date anyone under 21 right now, (I am 24)
I am done with all of the immature garbage… and dating someone not old enough to get into a bar when I was 22 sucked…
Merge has a slight point about the whole 21 thing…but my opinion goes with Phlosphr.
Don’t do it man. find someone your own age…or put yourself in her shoes.
Oh…this guy at church…he’s 25…a man…I’m only 17 and he likes MEEEE…WOW!!!
She’s a teenager Toby, you are not and have not been for a while. She has a lot of growing up to do whether she is mature or not does not matter, she thinks much differently from a 25 year old WOMAN. She is a 17 year old TEENAGER…
Why not get someone your own age?
Legal is 16 in most of the states…would you Toby date a 16 year old. Lets put it in perspective. Three years ago you were 22. Three years ago she was 14.
Nuff said. Look for a woman not a girl[sub] experience has it’s benefits [/sub]
Kalhoun, I’m not trying to pry into your personal business, but if it wasn’t the age difference what kind of problems did you face? I am just trying to forsee possible problems in such a relationship.
On the other hand I’ve got a friend the same age as me that’ll go for anyone over 16.
I’ve got another friend that dated a 30 year old when she was 17, while it went the way of most teenage romance I don’t think either of them thought they were being shocking when they hooked up – he thought she was older and she thought he was younger.
Problems:
As others have said, she has a lot of growing up to do ,college to attend, experimenting with guys her own age. You said you met her at church…does this mean you are not a drinker and would not want to go to a bar with her ever? she has to wait another 3 years. Oh and you will be 28 or 29 then…and she wil still be 21.
What kinds of problems you ask - maybe they are the problems you can’t see until they are right upon you. Say she does get pregnant, then what? Marriage? You would be 26 and she 18…the statistics are against you.
I have been happily married for over 25 years, I have two grown daughters and one grown up son. My wife is less than a year younger than I am and we are completely suited for each other.
What aversion if any do you have against women who are not teenagers?
That sounds like the story of my life…lol People always percieve me as younger than I am. Part of it comes from the way I look (I have a babyface). I don’t consider myself to be particularly immature, but I guess I send out some kind of vibe that gives people the impression that I am younger.
I don’t think it is the fact that I have dated people younger than me, because I have also dated people close to my own age as well. Anyway, for whatever reason people always guess my age to be 18-20 even though I am a few years ahead of that. Oh well…such is life.
Seven Dopers have replied and not one West Virginia joke. The tone of the boards HAS been elevated!
But, Toby-T, there are those 17 year old girls who are very mature and can handle a relationship with an older man with few problems. They are very few and far between. And I’d say there are fewer boys who could do that. (I reserve the terms “women” and “men” for folks over 18). Once I was in my mid-twenties, I had a cutoff of 25, for emotional maturity.
While she is still 17, I would say it is inappropriate for you to ask her out. Not illegal, not immoral, and not wrong. Just not “right” in my opinion. 18 carries more weight, even though it can be a matter of weeks.
first, I am not a drinker…not a drop…period. I am not condemning those who do…It is just a personal stance.
Second, I have no specific aversion to women my own age, and have dated a few. I began dating at a much later age than most people (my first girlfriend came when I was 18…almost 19…pathetic?) Anyway, because of my late start in the dating scene I was far less experienced than the women my own age and found myself having more in common with girls younger than me for some reason. Although I have since gained some experience I still find myself connecting with younger people from time to time. Does that make any sense at all?
I say if the two of you are comfortable together and want to go out, go for it.
There’s no sense in considering possible pregnancies, children, etc. before the first date for goodness sake!
Good point. A little common sense never hurt any discussion. Although I do think some valid points were made concerning those issues earler in this thread
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