Age differences, where do YOU draw the line?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Ok, here is the deal. I am 28 years old, and am back in college. Surrounded constantly by 18-20 year olds. My personal feelings is that 18 is too young. I have had feelings for an 18 year old in the recent past, but did not act on it, or let it be known to her.

My friends think I am wierd for setting an age limit. Lately there have been three girls showing signs of interest. All three are Pre-Med, intelligent, cute as buttons, and just barely over the age of being jail-bait. (ok, really 17 not 18 in missouri, but still)

I make it pretty well known my age. I joked around to my friends that I would tell girls I am only 23 or 24 (which is entirely believable, EVERYBODY gets shocked when I tell them how old I am)
They thought I was being serious, but I was only joking. I do not decieve, and when people ask my age I tell them. Now two of these girls in particular have been sort of hovering around me. They don’t seem to mind the age thing, but me putting off their advances (subltely) has them looking a bit down. I could be totally wrong though.

Anyhow, am I way off base putting an age restriction on my dating? I feel really wierd even considering it, 10 years difference seems quite severe. They seem mature, and unbothered by my age, but it still makes me feel uncomfortable even considering leading them on. Am I alone in this, or does anybody elses experiences differ?

BTW, a guy called in a radio station in KC about a year go and was discussing the age of girls and dropped a sentence similar to this “Cookie dough girls are good, but I like em a bit older.” In which the radioshow host asks what he means by a cookie dough girl. His response?

“You know, girls under 25, like cookie dough, they are fun to eat, but eat too much and you get sick.”

:stuck_out_tongue: Sorry, had to share it.

2

It depends on the age of the people involved. I have a few 18-19 year old friends that are dating 25-26 year olds and I find it weird. Maybe it’s because 18-19 year olds are still a smidge immature and I can’t fathom why a 26 year old would want to date someone that young. I always just assume that there is something weird going on with that older person (and in the case of my friends, this is the case).

But a 28 year old and a 36 year old? No biggie.

In your case (IMHO), below about 23 would be odd. I know that I (19. 20 in Jan) seem to get hit on by a lot of 28 year olds (it is apparently the magic number :)) and I just find it odd. Twenty eight is a grown up! :wink: *

  • For what it is worth: I’ve been told I am a very mature individual. I still see twenty eight year olds as a whole different species than me :). No offense, of course.
3

I’m 38, my wife is 28. We met 10 years ago. So you can infer my opinion on this question. :slight_smile:

4

I should also mention that my life experiences differ from most 28 year olds. I don’t date extensively, have never been married, and am quite lacking in the long term relationship department. In that regard I am quite immature. I tend to be mature in many area, but overall I think I am rather stunted. I.E immature.

But not so immature that I can see myself dating an 18 year old. (I have not been hitting on them either, just friendly) I think my bar days are pretty much over too, so perhaps you are right, maybe I should limit myself at 23, a couple years to get the “wild drunk” out of their system. :smiley:

Not that it really matters. I don’t have enough of a personality to get a date or anything anyhow, so it is all academic.

5

Wow! Sorry if my statement offends you, I don’t mean to infer that I think immature people date younger people. :slight_smile:

Congrats on 10 years of marriage though!

6

I think as you get older, the age diff becomes less important. But I agree with the other posters: there is a huge difference between 28-38 and 18-28.

Just don’t be like Matthew McConaughey’s character in Dazed and confused: “I love these High School girls, man. I keep getting older, but they stay the same age.”

So don’t rule a 20-year-old out entirerly, but don’t ignore those grad students either :wink: .

7

The rule I always heard for guys dating younger girls is that the girl should be at least half your age plus seven. You’re 28, you can date a 21 year old, and so on.

This isn’t set in stone of course :slight_smile:

8

Epimetheus, I think we might attend the same school.

I’m 19, and I set my limit at 21. Because I like a freshly 21 year old at the moment. Otherwise I’d say 20 just because I feel like a dork when my boyfriend can go to bars and I can’t. When I turn 21, I’d hike the limit up to 25 probably.

9

I’m 34. I have a profile with an online dating service, and in it I specify that I’m not interested in anyone younger than 30 or older than 45. I’m not terribly comfortable with the idea of meeting anyone older than early 40s – 45 is my upper limit. Likewise, I’m not terribly comfortable with the idea of meeting anyone younger than me, and 30 is the lower limit. (Basically, a 38-year-old would be perfect. ;))

The other week I got a response from a 46-year-old (who will be turning 47 in a couple of months), and I discovered that I am, in fact, something of an ageist! I liked his profile enough that we started corresponding anyway, and eventually we even met, but I was just never comfortable with the idea of dating someone that close to 50. Which was kind of a weird thing for me to realize about myself, because I’ve always preferred to date guys my age or older and I never thought I’d have an “upper limit.” It scares me that according to Trillionaire’s formula, I could date a 75-year-old. :eek: :wink:
(Disclaimer: These age ranges only apply to online dating. In accidental dating, when usually I meet someone before knowing how old he is, I don’t think a 28-year-old or a 46-year-old would bother me much. Maybe it’s a double standard, but I believe there are different “rules” for online dating: there are some things that wouldn’t bother me if I discovered them about a guy I was already interested in, but that I’d rather rule out when starting from scratch.)

10

currently I am 47, altho I am often taken for 30-something
my personal rule is 5 years younger to 8 years older (it was 5 and 5 but the older I get the more I am willing to extend my upper limit)
But a lot has to do with maturity - If I find myself interested in a man who presents himself well, confident, happy, flexible, I may not mind if he’s as muich as 10 yeaers younger than me

11

Haha, I remember those days.

(actually I think it is those kinds of comments that throw people off more than some number)

So do you go to Mizzou?

12

Yep, sophomore at Mizzou here.

Are you doing grad school or just continuing undergrad?

13

Actually, funny thing that. :slight_smile:

I am a Junior, started college 2 1/2 years ago, no previous school past high school.
I am an anomoly. (not that much of one though)

Pretty cool though, I didn’t know any dopers were from this area. What is your area of study?

14

Well I’m not an official doper, just a trial run here. :slight_smile:

But I’m trying to do magazine journalism. Eventually they will let me back in the J-school. They kicked me out this summer because I was lazy last year and got crap grades. So now I’ve gotta pull straight A’s all this year to get back in. So far so good.

15

Girls grow up a lot between the ages of 18 and 22, in other words, during the years they spend at college, if college-educated women are what you’re after. I think the added maturity would contribute towards a more balanced relationship.

16

Speaking as a young-ish female myself (on the verge of turning 23), I agree with you that a guy your age probably shouldn’t date an 18 year old.
It is quite understandable that a 28 year old man would find an 18 year old girl physically attractive, but in most cases I think people of those two age groups are in two very different places in life and a real relationship is unlikely to work out.

You seem like an honorable guy who has good intentions. I think it’s good that you are thinking about this carefully instead of just letting your hormones guide you.

17

My husband is 41. I am 59. :stuck_out_tongue:

18

Here I am with an entirely non-helpful answer: it depends. Age and maturity are not necessarily linked, as you know. I’m 27 and I wouldn’t date an 18-year-old guy. Girl, maybe, though I doubt it. So I would say no.

The freshmen (I’m still a college student for a couple more months) just seem younger every year. My lower limit is 21 generally and my upper limit is about 40, though I’ve never actually even had one date with someone older than 33. I’m a lot more lenient on the upper bound, but I think the reasons are probably obvious.

Funnily enough, I got an e-mail through Yahoo Personals (every time I think I’m done, they draw me back in :smiley: ) from a guy who’s 37. He expressed concern that he was a little old for me. I thought it was funny since if I’d married the guy I was engaged to at 19, he’d be 37 right now.

19

No, your oldest prospective partner would only be 54. The male divides his age by 2, THEN adds 7 to the result. So the female equivalent is to subtract 7 from your age (34-7 = 27), then double the difference (27 x 2 = 54). The 75-year-old man who subscribes to this philosophy could thus date a woman of no fewer than 44.5 years.

20

Oh! :smack: Thanks for 'splainin.

Maybe I’ll find a 54-year-old who likes 'em a little slow. :wink:

Math is hard!