OK, so I’m sitting in a bar chatting up a young lady. I realise that she is younger than I am. In fact, I recognize that she is considerably younger than me.
However, it wasn’t until she told me that she was 23 (I’m 44) that I realised that I was truly old enough to be her dad. :eek:
I mean really, she is a whole 'nother person who could vote younger than me. :eek:
I just felt dirty after that.
She did tell me she would be at the same bar tomorrow night, so perhaps the age thing didn’t squick her out as much as it did me.
Am I being weird, or is this as bad as I think it is? Ladies? Would you date a man that much older than you?
When you were having your first legal beer, she was just being born. Interesting.
Age is really not the big issue though, it’s much more about comparable levels of maturity and common interests. If she passes in those departments, don’t let her age bother you.
I say this as a 19 year old guy, so I don’t have a lot of the same “expertise” that many here will, but from what I’ve read and know of people, dnooman is exactly right.
She’s sexually mature and interested. She may end up being emotionally immature or unavailable later, but that’s not your problem right now. Be flattered and go. back. to. the. bar.
I’m a (young) male, but I’m 100% anti-ageism . Hmm, I wonder what they call someone who is anti-ageism? I mean I don’t want to define myself by what I’m against, but by what I’m for.
Anyway, I agree that it’s about a similar level of maturity. Just because someone 20-some years younger is at a similar level of maturity to you, doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you! Maturity seems to come from experience, but the experiences you have depend on the opportunities which have been presented to you in your life, and everyone gets different opportunities. I have seen some incredibly wise young’uns, and some oldies who could prolly still use some schoolin’. Sure, it’s more the exception than the rule but the point is it’s quite possible.
(p.s. I absolutely adore older women. Maturity is totally sexy. I don’t know why ladies get so worried about their advancing age, because as long as you don’t fight it, you can only get more beautiful. It’s only the ones who fight it that turn into old hags)
My husband joined the Marines the year I was born. When we met I was 23 and he was 41. I fell in love with him because he was smart, liked to talk about anything and everything, liked to listen to me talk about anything and everything, and was just generally more mature and self-assured than most guys my own age that I had met. (Sidenote: One thing I learned as a young woman is, when a man sidles up to you and says, “Hey, baby, call me Yamaha,” run away.)
It’s been over 8 years and we’re still together. My husband says he felt like a cradle robber at first, but he got over it. I say if the young lady is interested, give her a chance; she’s old enough to know what she wants. Age ain’t nothing but a number.
In all likelyhood. It is our friday night hang-out. (I actually prefer a dive bar, because the beer is cheaper, but my friends insist we go to these upscale bars…)
Playboy Centerfold (Gatefold, if you wanna use their term for it) Statistics Sheets do it to me. I look at the birth dates and remember what I was doing then. Right now the birthdates fall when I was in my second grad school. I’ve officially decided not to feel old until the first playmate comes up who was born after I got my last degree.
Unfortunately, that’s coming up real soon. I may have to go back to school to retain my sanity.
Sometimes it takes a while to realize the subtle differences when you date someone in a completely different age group. For instance, when you go to her place and check out her music collection and realize you haven’t heard of one single artist she listens to. That could suck big time.
Other than that, Mr. K is 11 years older than me. We have the same taste in music and hung out with the same people years ago, so we’re not feeling the gap as much as a lot of people might. It’s an individual thing. You’ll find out soon enough if you’re compatible.
When I was at art school, I went out with a woman who was much younger than me (I was 29; she was 18).
I was uneasy about the age difference, and never fully felt comfortable about it. I don’t think it mattered as much to her. I suspect that I would have gotten used to it if we had stayed together for more than a few months. Certainly my friends didn’t care; I think they were just glad I’d found someone.
We both knew it wasn’t a long-term thing; when we eventually broke up, it was for reasons unrelated to age.
:: nods ::
I have no theoretical problem with Much Younger Women. If the individual situation works out, great! It just seems that, because of cultural differences, that working out is less likely. Plus there is always the fear that Others Would Disapprove.
Definite agreement. Older women can be amazing. Especially when they stop pretending to be young. There’s a lady who rides the same bus I do, who has blonde hair and a great tan, but when you get closer, you can tell it’s artificial and it just looks scary. OTOH, the receptionist at work has a full head of straight silver hair and she is gorgeous. Of course, she can also be intimidating as hell. Which, of course, is part of the job.
Or not. I went out with a nineteen-year-old a while back and almost nothing she played was familiar to me – but I ended up liking a reasonable amount of it.
On the other hand, she was big into Sublime (which I liked right away, too) – but she never recognized any of the covers they did as covers – and she actually got pissed off when I’d say, “Hey, this is a Toyes song,” “Hey, Bob Marley!” " “Can’t go wrong with the Grateful Dead,” or “Wow, Bad Brains! I haven’t heard this song since somewhere around 1984!” Like I was undermining the band somehow, or something.
Or maybe it just weirded her out that I was rocking out to some of her favourite new songs when she was three.
Or you may discover a whole new category of music you enjoy.
I don’t think a 21 year difference is a big deal. My GF was in high school when I was born. And age difference in the other way (older male / younger female) has fewer issues with the “biological clock,” should the relationship progress to that stage.
Dude, that happens to me now and I’m not yet 18. I occasionally listen to Z-104 (or whatever it is these days; whatever station has the Jack Diamond Morning Show) and I don’t recognize most of the band names.
I met a guy online last year and was really intrigued- he was funny, brilliant, fascinating, and I later learned (after meeting him) he was 21. I was 38. I was majorly bothered by this but it seems I was the only person bothered by it (my friends all pretty much told me “c’est la vie- so he can’t remember Carter Country, big deal”). We were involved for a couple of months and it didn’t last but we’re still friends, I had some good times and I can honestly say that the age difference had very little to do with the break-up.
I think the fact that I wasn’t looking for a 21 year old had a lot to do with his interest, incidentally. I generally prefer to stay within a decade of my own age, but it so happened that this guy was capable of conversation that most people twice his age will never ever match, and he was starved for people to discuss certain topics as well. In the future I’d prefer to keep 30 as my minimum age requirement, but if I meet a 25 year old who I think is interesting beyond the physical attraction it’s not a turn-off.
I also once dated a guy who was 20 years my senior and never once did the age difference become an issue. The only way it factored in at all was that he was recently single from a 25 year relationship, and he later went back to his partner (which I totally understood and was even glad of), but when we were together I actually enjoyed hearing about him being in San Francisco during the height of hippie-dom and his childhood in the early 1950s, etc., and never thought “Damn dude, you’re old”. (Of course, there are many who couldn’t care less about things that happened before you were born, but we don’t have to associate with them.)
Yes, you are being weird. If you haven’t noticed, from puberty on women like older men and men like younger women. How old is too old? Well, if you’re as much fun as the next guy in the bar, there’s absolutly no difference for one night. As for her wanting to be your girlfriend, she just has to want to see you one more time. She’s not marrying you. As to marrying you, the big problem is always friends, family, future. Does she want you to mix with her current friends? Maybe she has none, but is working away from where she went to school and has no close friends. Family resistance is tough if they live close by or are called every day. And future is mainly rotating around having kids, buying a house. But if she’s already divorced, or finished with a live-in arrrangement, age may not matter at all. Just think, what does she care how old her ex is? So unless she sees you as “the one” she sees you as a future ex and why would she care how old her ex is?
Yeah, my buddy and I have a phrase: “It matters if it matters.” If you don’t notice differences that you care about, then it is just a number, mostly. My friend’s parents got married at 21 and 36, and are still married.
Pointless Friends reference:
Richard said pretty much the same thing to Monica when they figured out the difference in their ages.
“You’re a whole person who can drink younger than me!”
Sorry, this crap is stuck in my head and just comes spilling out.
I can’t help myself.
If the individual situation works out, great! It just seems that, because of cultural differences, that working out is less likely. Plus there is always the fear that Others Would Disapprove.