My daughter is 17. When she was 16, she wanted to date a guy who was 20. He was a nice guy, but her father and I didn’t think it was wise. So that was the end of that. If she came to me today and told me she wanted to date someone 25, the answer would be absolutely not! She is quite mature for her age, but I’d have to wonder about a 25 y/o man who wanted to spend any time with a teenage girl. And I think she needs to get a little more life experience before developing a relationship with someone that many years older than she is.
FairyChatMom, this is one viewpoint in particular I was hoping to get. I greatly respect what her parents think, and strangley enough her mother has not objected from what I have been told (although that is based on second hand info) Of course her mother has another daughter who is 20 and in the spring she married a 29 year old man. Age difference seems to be a trend in her family.
I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 26. We met and started dating when I was 18 and he was 25, and we’ve been together almost a year (a year in a few days, actually). It has worked out just fine so far.
Of course, he and I have the same goals as far as the future goes, and I’m a very mature 19 year old (or so I’ve been told).
I’m not completely against it but I know what most girls that age are like, and 95 percent of them are not ready for what a relationship with a 25 year old entails, because 25 year olds tend to be ready to settle down, whereas 18 year olds mostly, are not, from the girls I know.
I have to agree with this. I don’t think the issue is the difference in years, but the difference in the stage of life. At 25, you’re probably a college graduate, while she hasn’t even graduated from high school yet. Even considering you relative inexperience in dating, you still probably have more in common (even if you don’t percieve it) with someone who’s 33 than with someone who’s 17.
BTW, don’t get too hung up on your late start in dating. I remember reading something a few years ago (sorry I can’t provide a cite) about the difference in the average number of romantic partners that each of the sexes has had. From what I can remember, even if you were Don Juan, you’d still be woefully inexperienced compared to women your own age. The opposite was true in Japan.
I am not saying that it can’t work or anything… I just think in my expiriances… that most people should not settle down so young…
18-22 should be the years where a person has the most fun… does stupid crap, with no consequences…
If you don’t, you will wake up one day at 25-26… and regret it… and probably end up taking it out on the older person in the relationship…
I, unfortunatly can only speak from whats happened in my life.
I would like to point out that just because I am 25 years old does not mean that I have any interest in “settling down” and getting married anytime soon. Sure I will likely get to that point before she does, but I am certainly not there now, and don’t see myself being there for quite some time
Well ok then…
If you don’t care what happens when she goes to college, and starts going to paties, drinking every so often, and having sex with random people then by all means…
Not saying that all of that will happen… but it could… as long as you understand that now…
What kind of church by the way?? If you say Morman I am going to have to change my opinions…
I wasn’t looking to get married when I was 25 either, but I’d already mellowed considerably from my college (and even HS) days. Perhaps you were exceptionally staid during those years, but that’s no reason to expect her to behave the same way.
Just because something is legal doesn’t mean it’s smart.
Aside from ethical issues, relationships like this are tough because it is hard to stay on an equal footing. It’s quite common for the older person to establish a dominant position in the relationship because of the difference in experience and wisdom. Then as she gets older she’ll start to resent it.
It’s not the absolute difference in years. If you were 35 and she were 28, no problem. As you get older, the difference of a few years in age isn’t that big of a difference. But at this point in your life, it’s a huge gulf. Remember, if she goes to college you’re going to be 28 or 29, and she’s going to be out studying and partying with friends. That’s a difficult situation to deal with.
Then there’s the risk. She may like you now, but at 18 she hasn’t met a lot of different men. When she goes to college and widens her horizons, you may find yourself on the short end of the stick, especially when these other guys are her age, and you’re an old fuddy with a job who’s been out of school for years and years. It’s tough.
Still, I know a happy couple who managed a similar situation through college and are still together 15 years later, so it’s possible. But you’re choosing a pretty tough road to go down.
Well, having read the varying opinions and issues raised I must say I am surprised how one sided the discussion is. Anyway, I have carefully read and considered every post but I am still on the fence about this one. Ugh!
He was a control freak and beat the shit outta me. I asked him why he wanted to date someone so much younger. He said that he missed out on a lot of young adult stuff while he was in the Navy, and didn’t feel that he could relate to girls his own age.
My post above wasn’t giving an opinion of the situation. It was just replying to the post I quoted.
My opinion on the OP…
Is there any reason for you two to be in a romantic relationship at this time? Why don’t the two of you just be friends for awhile. Let things take their own course. Take your time, relax. There’s no hurry.
I guess I am really just looking for someone to go out and have fun with…I am not ready for anything too serious. I just broke up from a long realtionship a few months ago…so nothing too serious right now
I don’t appreciate this remark. If I only wanted people to say what I wanted to hear I wouldn’t have opened up a dicussion asking for any and all opinions.