I’ve always heard the rule of thumb is (half your age) + 7
So 19 1/2 would be the minimum age for you.
Of course it’d be silly to always apply this to specific situations.
Luckily for you, I have the perfect tool for you on my website.
JMonster…pretty neat tool…I like that. Thanx!
My parents have 11 years between them… My Dad being the oldest. He started dating my Mom when she was 19… They married when she wasn’t quite 21 yet. They’ve been together ever since, 33 years later, and have two WONDERFUL kids, well ME anyway !!
But I believe that 33 years ago a 19 year old female was more “ready” to get into mariage kids and all. But that’s another issue.
I guess my point is that if you are smart and stable enough, go for it. Wait till she turns 18 because it isn’t far away and give it a try. Nobody is asking you to get married and commit for life at this point, so why not?!
You can’t arbitrarily say " a 25 year old can’t date a girl who is __years old without problems." The maturity rate of the people, especially the younger one, is far more important than their age once they’ve both over the age of consent. Some 18 year olds are mature enough, a lot aren’t. I don’t think a web poll is going to tell you anything very useful in determining if it’s ok to date the girl once she turns 18.
When I was 18 I wasn’t mature enough to date a 25-year-old, but that doesn’t mean it can’t work out for some people. My parents, for example, have been married for 27 years: Dad was 25, Mom was 18 
You want her so bad you can taste her. For a 25 year old adult man to be sniffing out a 17 soon to be 18 year old girl/woman as potential date material is probably not the wisest thing you can do. As Shah Jehan wisely pointed out it’s more a stage of life issue than an absolute age difference issue. At 17-18 she is at a completely and utterly different stage of life than you has a lot of items on her agenda to accomplish without being burdened by an adult 25 year old boyfriend at this time in her life.
Even if she was willing you need to consider your impact on her life. Men often choose younger women because they are more docile and compliant if their male SO is older and some men look for this. It might work and it might not, but you are likely to be an anchor to her ambitions if you get involved with her.
Um, it is just a date. No mention of marriage, life long commitment, kids, etc. Go out, have fun, be safe.
Immaterial anecdote: My 17 year-old college freshman sister came home one day and announced: “Mr. Smith is in love with me.” (Yes, she skipped a couple of grades)
Mr. Smith was her 32 year-old English Professor.
Their marriage lasted 22 years. They divorced after that, but are still friends and enjoy visiting their two grandchildren together.
As has been pointed out, the situation depends more on the individuals involved than statistical analysis.
FairyChatMom had a good point: If her parents object, all bets are off.
For the curious, here’s a cite for age of consent in the various states. cite
Once she’s legally an adult, I would ask her.
The specific people involved (i.e, their maturity, strengths, wants) are more important than statistics, the average person or what society thinks. Wait until she’s legally an adult, though, IMO.
well IIRC the islamics (somebody anways but I thought it was the islamics) devide your age by half then add 7 that is the appropreate age for a man to date.
I see no problem with it, just be warned she has a lot of growing up to do which means your relationship will take a lot of work to make it last.
Like you said, this is pretty one sided. The reason it’s so one sided is because we’ve all done the exact same thing with the exact same results :-). This is one of those lessons you’re just going to have to experience. Since this is a church group, try to see if you can arrange for a group to do something social. Watch how she interracts with her friends. See if you can arrange it so the 2 of you can spend time just talking together for a while. Pay attention to how you are talking to her. Are you talking to her like you would somebody your own age or do you find yourself “dumbing down” your conversation?
And whatever you do, don’t tell your friends that you are interested in this girl unless you are ready to hear the “robbing the cradle” jokes for the next 4 months!
Alright Toby I was the first to respond to this thread earlier today but then I was forced to give up on it around 10am…but you kept up the good work and responded very eloquently I might add to those people you thought would further you’re own specific view point…But I am forced to say that you seem to be a creature of habit and will most likely date this young girl…
big sigh
You may or may not learn that it is ok to believe in ones feelings, but when you prey on younger women because '*I began dating at a much later age than most people (my first girlfriend came when I was 18…almost 19…pathetic?) Anyway, because of my late start in the dating scene I was far less experienced than the women my own age and found myself having more in common with girls younger than me for some reason. *
This is not a reason Toby this is an excuse. I am not trying to mock or belittle you’re feelings, but maybe this whole thread will shed some light on something you need to really spend some time looking at and reflecting upon…You can ask GOD all you want, but I bet he will simply keep on telling you to go for it, or just see how far it goes. When you should be listening to your heart and not your loins…
…did I say loins???..
How is a date “prey on younger women”? Some people DO go on dates simply to be with and learn about other people. What is with all the talk of heartbreak, marriage, and pregnancy?
My uncle (now 54, I belive), knew his to be wife all his life,ž. She was his neighbour 13 years younger. He waited 20 years of course and he is still a bit childish (but very witty) man. His wife emotionaly overgrown him years ago. They sims to be very happy couple. They have 5 well raised and polite kids ageing 9 to 21…
I say, if it’s legal, go for it. But you may or may not expect some trouble although…
To put to rest some thoughts that seem to be going through the minds of some of those who replied…I am not “preying” on a young girl, nor do I “want her so bad I can taste her.” She is a sweet person who I happen to really get along with and would like to hang out with and have fun (hanging out in a group setting was more like what I had in mind, specifically the church group. I wasn’t looking to stir up a whirlwind romance for the ages here, just get to know her better while having a good time.
I would also like to add that not all young men are sex fiends that are only looking for ways to get into the nearest females pants anyway they can. I happen to believe that sex is not a thing to be casual about. In fact (and will probably come as no shock since I mentioned my church activities) I feel that sex is best reserved for marriage. This may sound cliche, but thus far in my life I have been able to resist temptation in some pretty trying situations. My point is, I am not looking for a sexual partner, or for that matter a wife, fiance, or anything like that.
Personally, I had two daughters - who are grown now - and I never let them date anyone over 21 when they were under 18. I agree with some of what Phlosphr has said and I probably would not have let my daughter date a 25 year old. There is just way too much growing up to be done in those 7 years.
Church group or not, I have never been of the school to think that temptation lies in the hearts of evil men…I believe sexual experimenting and being knowledgeable about sex is as natural as blowing your nose…I shiver to think any GOD would condemn anyone for engaging in a natural process.
TOBY you seem to have a good head on your shoulders, and your motives seem truthful. But one question…why start a thread about age difference if the only thing you want to do is hang out with her in a church group?
Toby, there’s nothing wrong with dating her. Just be aware of the natural differences between an 18 yr old and yourself. If it looks like she’s giving up her life to be with you, then it probably isn’t the kind of relationship you want. You don’t have to limit yourself to group church outings. Take her out to dinner if you want, but just be sure everyone is on the same page.
Ok, after taking all the posts and opinions from my friends offline, I have decided that I will probably stick with friendship. At least for now. Maybe something will develop later, but at the point I feel that the often mentioned “phase of life gap” more than the numerical age difference gap would be a definate source of tension and problems, and relationships are enough of a challege without adding to the difficulty. I appreciate all the comments and issues raised. It gave me access to perspectives outside of own that I would have not otherwise been able to factor in. Thanks to all!
just to add a note…I am still going to hang out with her, but just steer things in more of a friendship direction. I just wanted to clarify.
a handy dating tip:
I always meet the folks. Once I meet the folks (I would assume she comes to church with them) & get their approval, then it’s free sailing.
As a matter of fact, I have never not got their approval. But then I’m more a gentleman & not one of those 8 arm-hormone-full teenagers always trying to grab whatever they can.