What the hell makes you think I don’t want to go dancing and have lots of sex? Show me where I said that. And your husband’s situation may or may not get worse; how will you know if you’re not there?
I really don’t care what you do but if you have described your attitude accurately then I think your husband will probably be better off, long term, if you bail now. Do you plan to request support or a part of his retirement money or half of whatever property you may or may not jointly own or are you going to do the right thing and just walk away? I’m really pissed about my own situation but a restraining order prevents me from asking my wife similar questions so I ask them of you; If I were you, I wouldn’t answer any of them.
She shouldn’t, if she contributed significantly to their acquisition. If he owned property before the marriage and if they don’t have a pre-nup, she should leave him with what he had. I think I said I was pissed at my own situation and I freely admit that colors my opinions in these situations. Then again, this is the forum for expressing our own private opinions and I’ve expressed mine. I’m old enough that I should have learned by now to keep my opinions to my self; after all, I’m an old grouch whose younger wife is doing everything in her power to bankrupt before our divorce is final.
You suggest that Hazle not answer any of the questions you asked of her situation which only mirrors yours (as far as you know) because of divorce and the large age differences? Restraining order you say?
ANY woman, in the state of FLORIDA, has only to appear before a judge and say, under oath, that she fears her husband/boyfriend/lover and the judge will issue a restraining order based on the word of the woman involved. No proof of violence or threats or anything at all to justify a restraining order is required. It’s that damn simple, in the state of Florida; I don’t know what is required elsewhere and I didn’t know it about Florida until it happened to me. So to complete your sentence,
The word “dishonest” should replace your little three dots and the word “something.” My wife never met with any violence from me nor did she ever meet with so much as the threat of violence and I have to tell you that I deeply resent your implication that the damned restraining order was in anyway justified. For your further edification, that restraining order is to be lifted, set aside, discarded, what you will within the next two weeks and my confiscated handgun is to be returned to me so I guess I’m no longer the threat I once was. As to the handgun, when the sheriffs deputy arrived to pick it up, he had to wait while my wife unlocked the door to her bedroom, the door to her bedroom closet, and the household safe in which the gun was stored. All the keys to those several locks were in her possession, concealed somewhere in her bedroom. That gun was a serious threat to her, alright.
As to Hazel, I don’t care if she answers questions or not; I think what she is doing isn’t right but what I think doesn’t matter. For that matter, what you think you know doesn’t matter either.
I’m 41 and my wife is 57 (9 years next month) . The age difference is not apparent to most people. I already had three sons when we met and she can’t have kids so that worked out well. I’m not too worried about down the road either; her mother is an active 89 year old. We’ve had a few rough patches but none involved age issues.
My mom and dad are 54 and 64 respectively. They met and got together at 25 and 35, married at 30 and 40, first marriage for both. My mom said that my father was the only one who came close to keeping up with her (she runs circles around most people). Now, he’s slowing down a bit, but still keeping pace for the most part.
FWIW, they’re of two different races and religions, but find their similarities in their socioeconomic backgrounds and goals, and the greatest differences in their age.
So which is it? Do you resent my implication or does it not matter what I think I know? Seems these two things are at odds.
The fact that you are raging at Hazle when you know nothing of her situation then ask her pointed questions that you then suggest that she not answer makes you seem a bit unstable. That weird little exchange coupled with you volunteering information about a restraining order made me pause, so I commented. Care or don’t care, it’s all the same to me.
I can understand being upset that your marriage is ending, but you’re dumping your marital issues (as you perceive them) onto Hazle’s situation. You think what she’s doing is wrong? Well bully for you, indeed. Perhaps she should just stay with him even though her heart isn’t in it anymore. That’s a great situation for everyone! (note: sarcasm)
Yes, I’m sure she realized how old he was when she married him. A lot of people get married not fully realizing how a partner’s situation (personality, age, health, psychological issues, etc) will affect them down the road. Also, people change. So even if he represented himself exactly how he was at the time that doesn’t mean he is that same person today. Neither is she. Their marriage isn’t working out so they’re ending it. That doesn’t make either of them completely right or wrong because if there is such a thing as completely right in a divorce, I haven’t seen it.
Centuries of divorce have proven that marriage is not really til death do us part. Nobody is obligated to stay with someone until they die and who would want someone to stay if their heart wasn’t in it anymore? That’s so pitiful I can’t imagine it.
So as angry as you are at your own divorce, at least have the presence of mind to realize that what lead to your marriage ending (your mistakes and her mistakes) doesn’t entitle you to take someone else’s inventory on their situation. You sure didn’t seem to like it when I commented on what you wrote, but you seem to zero problem doing it yourself.
Louis, sorry for your trouble. Sleeps… thanks for understanding and sparing me the thought and trouble…dead on!
You know, I have never been or wanted to be a litigious or bitter person. Long story short, I hope. I left because I was sick to death of never hearing an I love you, a you look nice, an I’m sorry and never having a soft place to land. Got sworn at quite a bit. All the while, my friends were asking where the real Hazle had gone and I knew I had to get out. See previous thread, where I got a bit bashed, so I’m not going to look for it. I moved out last January with the hope that he would give a shit. In March, and let me be clear about this…HE REMOVED ALL OF THE MONEY FROM OUR JOINT CHECKING AND SAVINGS ACCOUNTS and left me with my xmas club money. He then accused me of making it all about the money and said that I came into the relationship with nothing, I could leave with nothing. Threw a bunch of shit in my face with personal info I had trusted him with and made absolutely unfounded accusations. I guess the age thing is just the icing on the cake Sorry for the hijack, but I would have been much more willing to work around the age thing if he hadn’t turned into a curmudgeonly, emotionally locked up ass. Like I said, I had always hoped that our relationship would grow and flourish and I could make him feel younger…this is his third divorce…common denominator and all of that rot. Anyway, it’s fucking depressing as hell when it seems that you just weren’t worth it. Sorry, everyone.
I’m ten years older than my Mig. He’s just hit thirty and I’m getting on up there at forty. We’ve been together six years.
Sometimes I feel like it’s not fair to him because he’s still so young and I’m already getting all those aches and pains and old lady issues. I don’t like to party like I did when we met so he has to be somewhat bored with me. Somehow we manage. I think he’s matured so much and I’m such a kid still it evens things out.
When we met we were working together, construction. I thought he’d never have a thing to do with me and he thought our boss was my husband. I had such a crush though. When he kissed me at work one day it was such a shock, then we had a whirlwind relationship that took my breath away for the first year. Then we settled down. Had to with the baby there and all.
My SO is 17 years older than me. We’re a great match. Every relationship has it’s issues though and I know a lot of couples with a significant age difference who’ve had issues stemming from it (from a lopsided desire for babies, to health issues, to differences in sexual function associated with aging, the list goes on). But most people I know who are close in age have problems in their relationships, too.
I could never date a younger man, though. I never really dated before my SO because I made the mistake of looking within my peer group, who all drove me nuts.
Oh, what the hell; I’m furious at my situation and I feel, for a lot of reasons that I can’t and won’t go into here, that my wife has betrayed me on numerous levels. She has said enough to her attorney that I know her motive is money and I know she doesn’t care if she leaves me homeless, which she has almost done. There is a separate issue concerning a financial settlement coming to me from a personal injury case; I was rear ended by a guy about three years ago and we are now ready to settle the case and in spite of what she has been repeatedly told by her attorney, she insists that she is entitled to far more than half the settlement. I’m effectively disabled as a result of that accident; I can no longer work and my future is bleak. I think I will receive enough money to buy an old but well maintained 1 BR condo and she is trying to deprive me of that. The closer we get to settlement, the more tense I become and I’m willing to bite anyone who seems to cross me, mostly because I can’t bite her. And, I am furious that she swore out a restraining order against me; hell, I’ve never been arrested and have absolutely no record of violence. I’m furious about the injustice implicit under Florida law and I’m furious that she exploited that injustice: she should never have been allowed to obtain an injunction against me. Anyway, my case and Hazels case have some surface similarities so I probably did jump to some unjustified conclusions. But I do think some unjustified conclusions not in my favor were reached on as tenuous a basis as the ones I reached.
So, let’s all hug and make up and wish each other well; I don’t have enough time left for hostility and all I really want is some peace of mind and a quite place where I may live for whatever time I have left. Good luck and best wishes to all of us.
Damn it, Louis! I am so sorry about what you’re going through. No hard feelings. We’re both going through some shitty times and I wish you the best. No one should have to stress out about a solid future. Deep breath. Hope things get better for all of us!
