Ok so… I’m kinda nervous but i am currently 19 and turning 20 in March and i am dating a 27-year-old. We have been friends for about 3 years and he’s liked me ever since we met. I turned him down a bunch of times but I’ve always liked him. So one day while i was single we were talking and i developed a real attraction towards him. Even though we were friends he has always been nice to me, never disrespected me or talked all about sex or forgotten about me like the younger guys I’ve dated. We have been friends for a so long that I forgot how old he was. So when i found out i was shocked… Were still dating but I’ve had doubts like he will hurt me(not physically)even though he knows i have trust issues. While we were friends he’s known about some of my past relationships. My mom has dated my biological dad and he is 10 years older than my mom. They met at 18 or 19 but she told me that it doesn’t work out in the end because she didn’t know anything about him. Me and him are taking things slow… I’m having second thoughts but i want to be with him. He wants to come on a cruise work me for my birthday and i want him too also but im worried about what my family and friends will think. Ugh… I need help… PS THIS IS SO UNORGANIZED IM SORRY
Reported for forum change.
Give it a shot, if it doesn’t work out it doesn’t, which most relationships nowadays don’t, if it does maybe you will be pleasantly surprised. You have to open yourself up to pain and heartache sometimes to experience real happiness. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
When I was 20 I dated a 40-year-old. She had a son my age. Oddly enough the age difference wasn’t a problem. She looked young, acted young, had the same tastes as me (music, movies, gaming, food). Things didn’t work out with us but the age issue was not part of it at all.
I’m guessing that if you had forgotten the age gap then it’s not an issue. And don’t worry what your family will think, this isn’t Game of Thrones where you have to ally with the proper House to advance your claims to nobility. It’s your life, not theirs.
Oh, and I was 6 years older than my first wife (not as much a gap but still) and we lasted 7 years and still get along okay (for a divorced couple). Again, age wasn’t an issue.
20 vs. 27 is not a huge age gap. Both of my brothers married into this situation many, many years ago and their marriages are wonderful.
In fact, I believe my paternal grandfather was 10 years older than my Gran.
It may seem like a huge gap now, but in 20 years (40 vs. 47) it will be almost meaningless.
Go for it.
I’ll admit the fact that he was asking you out when you were 16 and he was 24 is an eye opener. But it’s nobody’s business but yours and his.
My wife is five years younger than I am. I’m 44, she’s 39, and everything’s fine.
Then she reminded me the other day that when I was a freshman in college, she was in middle school. 
Age is relative. When you become an adult, a difference of 5-10 years doesn’t mean much.
I married an older man. A good bit older than your age gap. I think you’ll be alright. Be clear with him about your concerns. Lay it all out. Nothing is gained if you’re hiding your worries.
Good luck.
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Moving thread from ATMB to IMHO.
My father is 7 years older than my mother; they met when she was 22 and he was 29 (so, not that much different from your case). They’ve been together for 56 years, so it’s worked out fairly well. As far as I know, none of their parents had an issue with it.
As others have noted, seven years isn’t necessarily a huge difference in age; what will make it work (or not) is how well-aligned the two of you are on your interests, and your maturity levels.
When I was 18, and in college, I dated a woman who was 32 (so, 14 years older than me) for about a year. That wound up not working out in the long run, for several reasons – while we were definitely attracted to each other, the differences in our life experiences were too great, and it was clear that, while my family wasn’t about to disown me over it, they were also clearly not happy about it.
Age differences can work. They can also tank horribly. My wife and I have a 23-year age difference – she asked me out when she was 20 and I was 43. Seven years later, we’re married, still going strong, and get along great 90% of the time, which is a damn good percentage.
What I’d recommend is that you ask yourself: “What do we have in common?” and “What don’t we understand about each other?” There is, and I’ll be the first to admit it, a legitimate cultural difference between people of highly differing ages. That said, a seven year age gap is really quite small. The shows you grew up with are the shows he watched as a child, too. The movies he likes were still fairly new when you came of age to watch them. You two grew up in the same culture.
So my advice? Fuhgeddaboutit. If he treats you with kindness, makes you smile, and isn’t a shmuck, just tease him about being an “old man,” and enjoy being with him. Because that’s what matters.
You’re WAYYYY over thinking all this. Either you like this guy or you don’t put this all out of your mind and enjoy. Either it works or it doesnt.
PS - a great uncle (maternal grandmother’s brother) was born in 1886, died in 1977. His wife was born in 1908, 22 years difference. She died in 2006. As far as I’ve ever heard, no one thought a thing of it and times were very very much more conservative than today.
There is an 11 month difference in age between my gf and myself. We recognize the obstacles to a relationship like ours, but we’ve worked hard to make it work.
I dated a 36 year old woman when I was 21 (a 15 year gap). I agree with the others that if you have a good connection and it brings you joy, there’s no reason to nix the relationship just because of the age gap.
The one red flag that I’d draw your attention to is the fact that the older person in your arrangement is male. Being the older partner tends to convey more power and authority. Being the male person, in our still-not-post-patriarchal society, also tends to convey more power and authority, and the two factors will tend to reinforce each other. So you need to make extra effort to protect your autonomy, you need to cherish your equality, and you should retain a significant number of close friendships and other external connections so that your relationship with this person isn’t your sole source of interpersonal affirmation and intimacy. (in my opinion).
Irrefutable rule woven into the fabric of the universe: ([his age] / 2) + 7 > your age = he’s too old for you
Based on the above, you’re just in range. Nothing but bliss for as long as you want it. Go. Have adventures, make movies, post them on the internet.
I tease the missus that I could be her dad if I’d have had the right math teacher in 8th grade.
My father was 28 and my mother 21 when they married. Wonderful marriage. When I was 21 I dated a girl who was only 16. That didn’t work very well. Was it because of the age difference? Who knows. There are more important things than age.
Met my wife when she was 17 and I was 22. We’ve been together 27 years, married 20. It works for us!
Try to get as much free stuff from him as you can. When he eventually stops buying you things, dump him.
Back when I was 30 I briefly considered dating a woman who was 40 but I decided not to since I wanted a family and she was at the point the didnt want to have babies although she wish she had when she was younger. She was an awesome aunt.
What the hell manson? I hope you’re joking, cause I’d rather that be a really bad attempt at humor than actual advice.
Loveablejay ignore what manson said, that’s my first bit of advice.
Having just gotten out of a marriage to a woman 20 years younger than me here is my take on what you should do;
Work hard to maintain your autonomy (and you will have to most likely) that means maybe YOU handle your money, keep it separate and if you two end up residing together, you insist on handling or being part and parcel of dealing with joint household expenses (but keep your money separate)
Make damn sure he understands you’re not a live in maid/sex toy/arm candy/trophy girl (yeah I know what you said earlier, and I know guys since I am one)
Sit down with him and explain and decide household chores, who cleans the bathroom, who vacuums, who cooks, do you do laundry together or is that a one person chore, things like that. Write it all down and post it somewhere highly visible. Be firm about it, but Do Not slack on your end.
Have your own transportation
If you get frustrated or angry, since you are the younger, you have to be the one in control of yourself at all times. Be able to verbalize at all times in a calm manner without raising your voice, what’s bothering you. He isn’t a mind reader and the age difference might not be enough to make it possible for him to guess very well either.
Talk about everything, to death. I mean really hash out the smallest to largest details before taking action as much as possible. He may or may not find that annoying, but if he’s truly interested in making it work over the long term he will appreciate it
There’s more, I could probably write a best selling advice book about this stuff(ain’t they always best sellers?) but that’s all I got for now, others will be along shortly, this place is great if you want people to tell you how to live your life
Edited to add; that bit about him not being a mind reader is the most important thing I said. And it works all 4 directions, good and bad you to him and him to you