I think I'm getting into a May/December romance!

In My Humble Opinion
1

So, I went on this great date last night. Everything was wonderful, he brought me flowers, there was good conversation, nice dinner with lots of laughs. He’s got a wonderful sense of humor, which tops the list of dating requirements for me. There was also a really nice kiss and a high comfort level in general. I didn’t know how old he was, we met through a work meeting, but the very oldest I would’ve imagined him to be would be early thirties. I’m 26. When I asked him how old he is, he told me he just turned 40! My jaw hit the floor, I would’ve never guessed it.

He’s a great guy and we get along wonderfully, but the age thing is a little weird. I know it shouldn’t matter but it just feels slightly…wrong. I can’t put my finger on it. It’s driving me nuts because he’s the first guy I’ve met who has had all of the components I look for: sense of humor, intelligence, ambition and physical attraction who has been interested in me for god knows how long and he’s 14 years my senior. We’re going out again next weekend and I’m looking forward to it and just hoping I get over this age thing.

So, who here has been in a May/December romance? How did it come about? How did your friends and family react? What obstacles did you face socially?

2

May/December? More like May and maybe late July!

3

40 and 26? Geez, that’s not a big deal. I agree with Qadgop. It might be a May-August romance at most.

32 and 18, that’s a concern. 55 and 26 would be a little weird. 40 and 26, not such a big deal. You’ll have differences but who doesn’t? If you like him, go for it.

4

My mom and stepdad have been married for about sixteen years now and when they wed in '88, he was 23 and she was 34 with a three kids aged 14, 6, and 5. When they got married, everyone said they wouldn’t last and there were some major hurdles in the beginning but they’re the ones that stayed together when everyone else has split up.

If you like the guy, go for it. It can and has worked out with others.

5

Why, he’s old enough to be your… big brother! Have fun!! :slight_smile:

6

Sweetie. The guy has more to worry about than you do.

That’s not meant as a disparaging comment about you. Please don’t take it that way. I’m just generalizing.

A person at 40 is pretty well set in who they are. What they want. Where they have been and where they’re going. Not always, but most of the time.

You, at 26, are an unknown quantity. You may forever be the person you are now. You may not. Most likely, you’re gonna change more than your date.

So go for it. You’re young. It’s not like you’re getting married tomorrow, forever.

7

Nothing wrong with seeing where it’s headed. If you find yourself not worrying about the age difference, that should tell you something. My big concern about it would be the possibility of a serious difference in what you want from the future. You might have very different ideas about what you want your life to look like in ten years.

Not that you need to worry about that on a second date. But it might be a good idea to keep it in mind. If there’s a really big disconnect there, it might be good not to get in too deep.

Oh, and just so you know, my dad was 43 and my mom was 28 when they married. They were coming up on their 42nd anniversary when he died.

8

Makes a difference if you just want a nice time or you are looking to get married. If the later:

  1. Has he been married before? At 40 it’s a good possibility. A red flag if it’s more than once. He may be a male JLo

  2. If yes (or no) any children? (his time and money to someone else other than you if you develop a relationship and you don’t want to share; possibly bad if you marry, just take my word for it). Also, did he take financial and emotional responsiblity for any children? If no, run as fast as you can.

  3. If no previous marriage, why not? (most people marry before 40 if they are going to marry)

  4. If no, does he ever plan to marry? (Well, wait a while on this one; however you don’t want to waste beaucoup years on someone who doesn’t want to marry if marriage is your desire).

  5. He will be 65 when you are 51. Doesn’t seem like a big difference, however it’s around that age when “old” age sets in and all the ailments that go with it. You will probably end up being his nurse, which isn’t so bad with a lifetime partner, but you have to be aware of the possibility. This is mitigated by his health habits; good or bad. Also, what dreams do you have for later in life? Trips around the world after retirement? He may be too old by the time you retire.

  6. One thing I think is really important is, if he has been married before, how does he treat his ex? If he hates her guts and has nothing good to say, be careful. This is a person he once loved. If she is a really horrible person, consider that he chose her and consider how this reflects on him. Also, she is the mother of his children, if any. This kind of attitude damages children. He may have been very young, but character is character. Just a red flag.

  7. Just be careful, the same as with anyone you don’t know. We don’t have small towns and families around us anymore to introduce us to people that are already known. At the very least, do a background check if you find you are beginning to like him. Even the dating services do those these days.

My personal opinion is that the man should be younger because women live longer and are healthier longer and their sexual performance doesn’t depend on age, like men. also, a man in the generation before you might have different expectations of you than the men in your generation. When I was working I liked working with younger men because they treated me just like anyone else; the older men were sexist. So, what is your experience with other older men? Expect someone in another generation to in general, have the same mind set. I know I may get some arguments on this, but it’s just something to look out for, not written in stone.

I really wish you the best, even after all this! If you grow to love him, what does it matter?

9

Not * really * my current ‘romance’ (mrs. Jockey is 36 to my 33) but I’ve dated women older than I at several points in life, and found there to be little problem with it.

When I was in my twenties, I dated women in their late 30’s and early 40’s (finding an intelligent, experienced woman my own age was nigh impossible).

Granted, noe of the relationships ever came to fruition (though in one instance I was the other man) but it was a great time had, and some wonderful lessons learned. I say, go on, enjoy yourself, you never know what’ll happen until it does.

10

When I was younger, I only dated guys who were considerable older than I was. The one guy I married was only two years older than I was, and it didn’t work out (although age probably had a lesser reason than, say, his lack of gainful employment). Anyhow, when I got back into the dating scene, I dated a great guy who was nine years older than I. Although we only had a “signifigant other” relationship for about six years, seventeen years later, we’re still best of friends. Right now, I’m involved with someone twelve years younger than I am (I’m 37 and he’s 25). Talk about insecurity issues (with me)…I’m really sensitive about the age difference (he’s not). We get along great, and I love his dearly, but there’s still that factor in the back of my mind, “Hmm…I’m twelve years older than he is…” I did make a decision though, that I can allow it to ruin a great relationship, or I can just get over it. --I’m trying to get over it, as he’s too good to let numbers ruin.

Something else to consider is that I have friends of all ages. I’ve had some friends who were considerably older (in their 50’s, 60’s, 70’s plus), and friends who were considerably younger (20’s and even some late teens) and if I wouldn’t allow their ages to act as a deterrant in a friendship, why should I place those limitations on a relationship of a different kind?

11

My first real relationship was with a man 16 years my senior. It didn’t end well, mostly because it turned out that I, at 25, was apparentlymore mature in some ways that he was. I’m not saying this is true of all or even more than a small percentage of fortyish bachelors – it’s just that he’d never been married, and now I know why.

Go for it. The age difference wasn’t a problem, other things turned out to be. But that can be true regardless of the ages involved.

12

May/December? I’m more of the opinion that what you’ve got is Mayday/Fourth of July. Does he make fireworks go off for you? :wink:

Lezlers; in other posts of yours that I’ve run across you seemed to be a smart, mature young woman that pretty much has her head together. If this relationship seems promising to you, I don’t think you should let some arbitrary difference in age keep you from exploring it. Like someone else pointed out, 40/26 isn’t like 32/18.

Previous posters to this thread have listed some cautions, but most of those cautionary measures would be true for any new relationship, regardless of the age of the people involved.

He makes you laugh? That’s good. One night I took a woman out on a first date and about 10:30 she said: “You’ve got to stop it! You’ve made me laugh so much my face hurts.” We’ve been married a long time now and I can still make her laugh. :slight_smile:

Good luck!

13

Thanks for your responses everyone, especially John Carter, you’re too kind. Yes, he makes me laugh and that’s always been my weakness. I’d probably date a clown if they didn’t freak me out so damn much.

I think my issue is that I’ve never dated an older man before. If anything, I usualy date men younger than me (a pattern that never seems to work out). So, for the first time dating someone at all older than me, 14 years does seem like quite a spread, although it obviously doesn’t for many of you here.

I think another part of it is that I’ve been going through this really weird period lately, where I’ve got an “adult” life, but still feel really young a lot of the time. That’s the best way to describe it, perhaps someone who has experienced it (I seriously doubt I’m the only one) else can articulate it better.

And suezeekay, he doesn’t have any children and has never been married. Been engaged once, but she wouldn’t move cross country with him and his last relationship ended because he wasn’t ready to get married and she more than was. I definitely want to get married and have a family, but am in no rush and aren’t even thinking about that right now. I’m also just trying to take this for what it is and not get ahead of myself. If this works out, great. If it doesn’t, I’ve got more than enough of a busy life not to sweat it.

And phall, I’ve got a lot of older friends as well, I really like soaking in the vibe of older, successful women. Now that I think about it, I don’t really have any friends exactly my age, they range from 2 or 3 years to 40 years older than me.

I think another thing is, I wonder what he sees in me, you know? I’m educated, yes, but not nearly as much as he is. He asked me out before we ever had a full conversation, I guess I just might be a little concerned that for him, this may be a lot more of a physical thing than for me. I like to think of myself as a bit more than a trophy.

And this, folks, is what happens when you over think things. I think I’ll go study now, since my brain has obviously just cranked into full gear. :wink:

14

My hubby is ~12 years my senior. We met when I was 20 and he was 32, and got married two years later. That was 14 years ago, all smooth sailing.

Age is just a number.

15

That’s what I tried telling the judge right before he hauled my ass off to jail!../kidding

16

I have to admit, I’d love to be sitting near you guys at the restaurant on your anniversary dinner out. " Oh honey, you still make my face sore. "

:stuck_out_tongue:

It isn’t chronological age, it’s maturity. As has been pointed out here, you can marry someone older and still be a lot more grown up than they are.

I have to say here, that it’s a bit disturbing that you’re this deep into the whys and wherefores after one date. See how it all feels after 3 or 4 dates, that may give you a smidgen of more info about who this guy is, how he ticks and what kind of friend/lover he may or may not be. And, love prevails !!

17

While I have no practical experience, I do have some generalized points about love that seem to hold true. Couples that everyone says will never last, that are doomed to fail, that seem impossible, are the ones that work out. It’s the ones were everyone looks at them and says, “oh you are PERFECT” for each other that seem to end long before the other kind. I tell everyone to follow their hearts, as what other guide do we have in our romantic lives.

Also, I understand the “I’m an adult (well, almost) but I still feel like I’m 12 some times.” But my boss acts that way and he’s one of the happiest, most active nearly 60 year olds I know, so maybe it isn’t such a bad thing.

18

Sorry if I gave that impression, I’m really not sitting here in emotional turmoil or anything like that. These are just some things that have crossed my mind, if only for a moment.

Almost? Short of being married and having children, I’m more of an adult than many people twice my age. I’ve never been too defensive about my age before (hell, I still let some of the older guys at work get away with calling me “kid”) but that statement did irk me a bit. Is there some magical age where one becomes an adult that I don’t know about?

19

:stuck_out_tongue: Right back at ya! :slight_smile:

20

The greatest love of my life was 46 when I was 24, so I definitely feel age is irrelevant.

Except I have a really big thing for older men anyway. Unfortunately, the older I get, so do they :stuck_out_tongue: