Large Age Difference In Couples

My wife and I are 20 years apart in age. She is 21 and I am 41. We get along very well, and have been married for two years. I’m curious if other dopers have similar relationships…and if any age-related pitfalls have come up as the relationship progresses. No, there aren’t any hidden issues. I’m just trying to get a glimpse of the future through the experiences of others.

We have an 11-year difference. Occasionally, he may try to pull “maturity rank” on me, but actually, a 6-year old could do that on a good day, so I don’t think much of it. :wink: I would say the biggest problems will lie when you get too tired to go out and she still wants to kick up her heels. But then, that’s what girlfriends are for!!!

That’s quite a range… You got married when she was 19? you were 39. How did you meet?

I happen to be only 6 months older than my wife. I’m 33 and she’s 32. I often think that there is a lot of growing to be done between the ages of 18 and 25. Especially on the female side. I also think about having children. Do you guys want kids? Have you ever thought about age when it comes to that? I’m not passing any judgement here what so ever. I am just asking you questions.
Pitfalls I may think about with such a range. She may want to go out and have a couple drinks more often than you. She may have a little mor energy than you, she may want to do things that you simply would not have thought of, I mean you are a generation apart almost. You may like different music. If she wanted to wait to have children, you could theoretically be in your 70’s when they are in college.

Your friends are certainly not the same age as her friends. If most of your friends are your age or even a few years younger. How much do they have in common? Do you have friends with families? How do they react to your young wife?

bf is 14 years older than me.
I’m 27, he’s 41.
No probs whatsoever, we’re very alike in our tastes and opinions.

the only thing that bugs me is that there is the possibility he’ll die a good few years before me.


My boss recently discovered a major pitfall to the age difference thing - her husband became an old man and died while she is still quite vital. I am sure she wouldn’t have done anything differently though. And, lets face it, she could have been run over by a truck years ago and left him alone. You just never know.

Where to begin? (cracking knuckles) We met on the internet.:eek: We have two children, a two year old boy and a two month old daughter. Neither one of us are real party types…in fact we have a great many things in common. We had a seven month online relationship before we met face to face and discovered that we got along very well between the ears with each other. She is more mature than most people her age…I am less so for mine. She likes 80’s music and I like Linkin Park.

We have friends that are mostly closer to her age than mine. I get along well with younger people. People my age are pretty funny. The women tend to be offended or at the very least put off. The men tend to say “Good job! I’m jealous”. And yes, the sex is fantasic.

Well doesn’t sound like you have any major difficulties. However, you are still young as the ticker-tape goes. I’d say keep yourself nice and fit, because when your kids are in their twenties you’ll be in your 60’s and your wife will be in her 40’s. Viagra was invented not only for a sore back but for … :open_mouth:

Nothing to add, here, Evil One, but have you tried the message boards at Ageless Love?

I had a friend (no, really) who dated a significantly younger guy, and she made quite a few friends there.

Just a thought. :slight_smile:

OOPS I coded wrong… :eek: is what I meant.

Thank you for pointing me to Ageless Love, Auntie Em. A tip of my hat and an arch of my evil eyebrow to you.

My girlfriend is 16 years my senior (kills her when I say it like that). I’m a lesbian, btw. Anyway, things are going swimmingly, perhaps because we are both extremely juvenile.

Just my useless info!

A friend of mine married a woman who was 28 years older than him when he was 21. Yep, she was 49 at the time they married. They were together for about ten years before they finally divorced, mostly because of money problems, which could have been solved had she only worked instead of relying on him to pay all the bills on his meager income, but I digress.

I don’t think the age difference really would have mattered had their ages been closer, although he did have issues with being referred to as “grandpa” by his step-children’s kids, which was another matter he and his wife often fought about. I think the reason he married someone so much older was because he wanted a nurturing mother figure in his life and his own mother was so rotten to him.

Well, my last bf was 9 years older than me, so I can’t say that I really care about age differences that much. Only thing is, if I end up marrying a guy who is many years older than me, I’d be nervous about him dying before me and I’d be alone for quite a few years, but hey you never know…

I am four months older than my husband. The age difference is something we’ve learned to overcome. Sometimes I’ll reference television shows from when I was a little girl and he’ll have no clue to what I’m referring.

He listens to that new fangled crap where as I just like to listen to artists from the Jazz Age. He likes to read Harry Potter, I like to read Langston Hughes. His enjoys movies like Terminator whereas I prefer films like Double Indemnity.

Ain’t love grand?

My first wife was 16 days older than I. I used to tell people I had married an older woman.

My second wife is about 19 months younger.

My mother was 5 years older than my father, yet she outlived him by 4 years. They both died in December. Different years, of course.

My personal standard for age differences in my own dating relationships was simple: if I could have given birth to you, or you could have fathered me, that was a bit more of a difference than I was entirely comfortable with.

Other than that, I didn’t really much care. The proof’s in the pudding, I am seven years senior to the future Mr. Contrary. I hope that balances out the actuarial tables for us :smiley:

We have a 13-year difference (23 and 36). No age-related pitfalls whatsoever. Is that because girls mature faster?

I dated someone 15 years older than me, briefly. It didn’t really work out, but I’m not entirely certain the age was the only factor in my loss of interest. We were definitely from different generations though, and it was weird at times, especially because he looks a little older than he actually is, and people generally guess me younger than I am.

I generally date fellows 2-5 years older than me. The current one just turned 28 and I’m 23, so there you have it. Mentally speaking I’m a bit on in years because I had a pretty rough time of high school and, I think, got a lot of that rebellious stuff out of my system at a very early age. I’m not ready to “settle down,” per se, but I tend to be more occupied with work and long term goals than playing around or acting my age.

I think most of all, it depends on maturity levels and knowing what you want. At 19, when I dated a 34 y.o., I still had no idea what I wanted out of life or what the heck I was doing. Now at 23, having gotten around a bit more and experience some of the world, I feel much better prepared to be able to judge myself and know whether or not something is going to work out in the long term, and if I want to accomplish for myself.

for was very werid reason my partners have always been the same age, not the same age as me but the same age as each other. … almost everyone ive dated (from age 15 up until now, 29) has been in the 33 to 36 age range.

for was very werid reason my partners have always been the same age, not the same age as me but the same age as each other. … almost everyone ive dated (from age 15 up until now, 29) has been in the 33 to 36 age range.