age differences

Interesting threads here. I am 50(and reasonably fit) and just realized I am attracted to this local guy, I know about him, but haven’t spoken yet. Trouble is, hes 30 and I’m not sure that would be a deal breaker for someone his age.
I know a bit, hes into politics (local), and may not be employed.

I think it’s really going to depend on the person. Age differences can be absolutely no big deal to some people and deal breakers to others.

I think you’ll find out a lot more (including whether you find him attractive in anything besides looks) once you talk to him.

I’m close to his age (but female) and would never date a 50 year old, but I know plenty of people around my age who would. Get to know more about him! :wink:

I am 42 and in the process of divorcing my 62 year old husband. No matter how blind love is…do the math and look ahead. My Mom is 66 and so active she wears you out. I tend to be the same way and couldn’t imagine myself at her age with a very inactive husband 86 years old…shudder. He’s not very active right now and I can’t imagine it ever working out…assuming he wanted to make it work out.:frowning:

I am 24 and my SO is 48. I carried such a torch for him for 6 months, but barely said 2 words to him the whole time. I thought there would be no way he’d be interested in someone so much younger than himself. A mutual friend of ours let it slip to him one day that I fancied him. Apparently he was shocked… as he had been admiring me quietly the whole time, but was convinced I wouldn’t be interested in someone so much older.

We’ve been happily co-habitating for the past 5 months or so :slight_smile:

Thank goodness for loud-mouth friends! :smiley:

So basically, I guess you never know. It’s better to just put yourself out there , than to wonder “what if”, I suppose.

How old were you when you married him and how long have you been married? How long did it take for you to decide you didn’t want to be saddled with an old goat in his declining years? How long were you together before you decided to “do the math?”

I guess I’m being snarky right enough but I have come to believe that my (10 years younger than I) wife has applied exactly this reasoning in her decision to divorce me. She knew the age difference existed before we were married; I didn’t suddenly leap ahead of her in age while her own remained static.

What do you expect your husband would do if you should develop some degenerative disease so that he would be faced with either caring for you or walking out on you?

I’m 39, and from my older woman’s perspective, I just can’t imagine myself in a *serious *relationship with a 30 year old. Dating for fun and frolic, fine, but…

People vary, and it certainly can work, but for me personally, I’m just not getting past the fact that at 30, he’s likely to eventually want marriage and kids and a house and a dog and all that good stuff that he’s certainly not going to get with me. I’d feel like I was wasting his time.

Also, they tend to say things like “Spade and Farley were the golden years of Saturday Night Live” and “Who’s Neil Young?” and that I cannot live with.

Well, I’m 12 years older than my husband (I’m 37, he’s 25); however, it’s not really an issue at all. Mind, we:

a) got married
b) are pregnant

which are things we both wanted. I think a lot of 30 year old guys may be interested in those things and I’m not sure if you would be able to offer them or even want to offer them.

Mind you, if it’s just a fling, go for it, keeping in mind that my relationship with my hubby started out as ‘just a fling’.

Dated a chick 14 years younger, for about a year, lived together, etc.
We went our ways, but I don’t think age was a big deal.
I’m a moderate/centrist and she was a full-blood GOP, was the bigger deal.
You don’t always find that shit out on the first date.

My hubby is only about a year and a half older than me. However, his younger brother is three years younger than me (about 45 now) and is currently (supposedly happily) married to a woman who is ten years older than me.

He had a first marriage, two kids from that. But since then, he’s been mainly attracted to older women. I believe he and his current wife have been married for about 8 years now, maybe more.

Mr. S is 11½ years older than I am. We’ve been married nearly 20 years and are now 42 and 54. Hasn’t really been an issue except for filling in gaps in each other’s pop culture knowledge. :smiley: He always seems much younger to people who are meeting him for the first time. He also says he doesn’t feel like he’s in his 50s mentally; just physically, when his joints protest against getting up in the morning.

I’ll say it depends on the people. I know other people in their 50s who seem very old to me, and I wouldn’t touch them with a ten-foot pole.

I’m 64 and my partner is 44 (same birthday). We’ve been together over 22 years, and the age difference has never been an issue. At the beginning there were age-related cultural differences (e.g. our taste in music), but they were never important enough to jeopardize our relationship. Each of us learned a lot from the other and made the relationship stronger.

By the time he’s my age I’ll be 84. I sometimes worry about that . . . but any relationship can be problematic, regardless of age. My mother had a terrible time dealing with my father’s Alzheimers, and they were the same age. If I were diagnosed I’m confident that my partner would take care of me . . . but I would find alternatives, rather than putting him through that.

I don’t think there’s a lot of difference physically for most fit people in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. When you get to your 70s and your SO is in his 50s though…:eek: I’m 47 and cannot imagine crawling into bed with someone almost 70. No way. End of story. The difference from 35 to 55 is nothing compared to the difference between 55 and 75.

Bottomline, don’t more people regret the relationships that never happened, than the ones that didn’t work out?

Maybe it will turn out that he is the love of your life. Or maybe halfway through your first date you’ll wonder how quickly you can politely excuse yourself. Ot maybe you’ll become casual friends, fuck buddies, or who knows what else. But you won’t know until you try.

I think that by the time most intelligent people turn 30, they realize that there is a limited number of folk out there whom they can really connect with, such that age is merely one of countless factors - and probably not at the top of the list. Moreover, there are a number of uys who dig older chicks - if not for marriage, at least for some kind ogf relationship.

I agree with the others who have posted that you can’t know until you get to know the person better.

I’ve never dated someone more than a few years older than me, but I have been attracted to people who were 10-15 years older than me, and if the situation would have presented itself, I wouldn’t be opposed to dating someone around 10-15 years older. I think a lot of it is more dependent on tastes/interests, more than age itself. Also, the majority of people that I’m friends with are about 5-10 years older than me, so that could also have something to do with my thoughts on the matter.

It depends on whether you’re looking for a life partner, or just some short/medium-term fun and companionship.

If it’s the former, stay away. If it’s the latter, then full steam ahead. If you catch yourself so much as contemplating making any life-altering commitments, then you have a responsibility to apply the brakes.

I’m male, 31, and two years divorced from somebody eight years my senior who didn’t apply the brakes.

I think the older you get the less age difference is a factor. When I was 23 I dated a girl who was 18 and in her senior year of high school. The relationship didn’t progress very far largely because we were at two very different stages in our life. Admittedly, I felt a little pervy when I found out she was in high school and that made meeting her parents kind of weird.

Around that same time I started seeing a woman who was old enough to be my mother. Actually, she was two years older than my mother. We had some fun for a short period of time but the relationship wasn’t really going to go anywhere. She had grown children of her own and it didn’t seem likely that we’d settle down together for the long term.

Today my wife is 5 years older than me. It wouldn’t bother me if she was 10 years older or younger at this point…though it’d weird me out if she kept changing ages. I’m in my 30s and if were dating I think 10 years + or - my age would be appropriate for a long term relationship. Anything else would probably be just for short term fun.

Seeing my friend’s 60-year-old aunt care for both her 80-year-old husband and 80-something father, both in different stages of dementia, made me rethink my whatever goes stance on age differences. She just finished getting their kids out the door a few years ago. She loves them both very much, likely (though her culture pretty much dictates her doing this, regardless), but what a way to spend your retirement.

Not that that has anything to do with a fling!

update. Well I met him this evening. We talked, hes easy to talk to and friendly. Thanks for all the good opinions.:slight_smile:

He did offer to walk me to where I was going. A good thing, yes?

Didn’t really need to hear this today, but I get what you’re saying. I assumed that I would be able to keep him youthful and wanting to be that way. It went the other way. Sorry. Yes, I get it…but he needed to get it, too. Sorry if I still want to go dancing and have lots of sex and you don’t. And that situation is only going to get worse as he ages, ok?

Thank you Leaffan!