One kid is particularly hurtful. He regularly slaps, punches and pushes his brother.
Pinches and bites sometimes,too.
Otherwise he’s as lovable as his better behaved brother.
Any tips on how to correct this bad behavior?
They’re identical twins, 2 years and almost 9 months old.
I’m very worried about this. So.s their mom.
How long has he been doing this? If it’s more than a couple of months, then you have a problem, and you need more help than we can probably give you here; a disinterested family counselor-type person on site can make a more useful evaluation than a bunch of Internet pixel-people.
But if he just started doing it a couple weeks ago, it’s a phase, he’ll grow out of it, he’s experimenting with aggression and “being mean”, and your normal preschooler aggression-handling techniques (severe disapproval, timeouts, loss of special privileges, physical separation of the two [you pick the Bad Kid up bodily and tote him out of the room, exuding anger and disapproval every step of the way, and plop him down in a room all by himself for a timeout, “if you can’t play nice then you can’t play at all”], but NOT the “I’m going to hit you so you can see how it feels” approach, which invariably backfires) ought to suffice until the fit passes.
That’s what we’ve all (Parents, Grandparents) been doing for months, but it hasn’t worked. (We never hit, of course.)
I think Mom will take him in for counseling.
Thanks very much for your advice.
Why is he doing it? I know you don’t have an exact answer, but there’s got to be something behind his behavior. Especially when he’s ignoring negative consequences.
Is he expressing something, some kind of legitimate anger or frustration? Somehow enjoying negative attention because he’s not getting enough positive attention? Those would be my first (uneducated) guesses. He’s meeting some kind of need with this behavior.
And the “enough” positive attention isn’t meant as a criticism of parenting; it’s possible that one child just has a really high threshold for need compared to the other.
It’s so easy, when you have two kids, to look at the one whose behavior you like and call that “normal” and see the other child as “aberrant”, when really they’re both acting out two different versions of “normal”. Again - that’s not meant as a criticism, it’s just something that I’ve noticed in myself, something that’s so apparent when you have twins. What’s the overall dynamic like?
And you know, that age, 2 yrs 9 months, is a real bitch. I screamed myself hoarse more than once, in a vain attempt to get mine to behave themselves. Any problems they had beforehand are magnified 10x for a while there. It does pass. Comes back at around 3 yrs 6 months, in my experience. Louise Bates Ames has a lot to say about those 1/2 year periods of “disequilibrium”.
My daughter bit my son on several occasions, especially at that age. She was seriously angry with him, he’s a notorious toy-snatcher, has been since he could crawl. She hasn’t bitten him in, gee, it’s been months. I wouldn’t say that any one thing “fixed” the problem, everything between them isn’t solved. They often play for hours, though; there is hope in the passage of time.
It might help to get a “big picture” sense of this, because I can imagine in the moment everyone’s just on edge; nothing’s worse than having one of your children (or grandchildren) hurt the other. What’s the pattern?
Turns out my daughter’s not alarmed over the “problem.”
So, I’m going to stay out of it.
But thank you very much for your reasoned stance.
Well… there’s your answer.
Intermittent reinforcement is the strongest type.
But if you stay strong and keep using some kind of negative consequence, he’ll at least learn that biting is NOT okay at the Grandparents’ house.
You spending all day with the littles? I don’t envy you a bit 
. I wouldn’t go back in time for nuttin!
We watch 'em once a week or so.
The time used to be glorious. But the aggression’s been getting me down.
I’m thinking about giving up the privilege of sitting.
If they have other arrangements available, why not offer to watch ONE kid at a time?
We get huge benefits from spending time alone w/our kids, we often split. Geez, it’s SO much easier, and fun. “Divide and conquer”.
Does the little guy weigh less than 150 lbs? If so, perhaps the USPS could take him off your hands: http://www.straightdope.com/columns/051230.html
Here’s a question: how’s his verbal ability? A lot of kids who can’t talk as much as they want get very angry out of frustration.
I’m going to disagree with the idea that you can’t inflict pain. If one of my nephew’s didn’t understand that they were inflicting pain I would ask them if they knew that it hurt to do that. This would be after I grabbed him by the back of the shirt and yanked back hard with a stern HEY!! I can cause pain too, (tugs on ear). Does that hurt? I don’t go around whacking you every time I want your attention do I? Golden rule, do unto others as you would want your Uncle to do to you. Capiche? You’re brothers and brothers don’t do that… Families are supposed to support each other… (insert best guilt trip here)… and then I’d make him apologize to his brother.
Intervening early, explaining what is expected, an understanding of pain, and an apology. Always go for the apology because it reinforces that a wrong was committed.
For his age, fine.
I appreciate all your comments and suggestions, but I’ve washed my hands of the matter.
Well, geez, I hate to see ya wash your hands of your grandchildren. 
And if they’re having bad enough problems that a family counselor is being called in, they need you more than ever, both the Good Kid and the Problem Child, the way grandkids always need grandparents, to be The Other Caring Adults Who Are Not Mommy And Daddy.
Can you not watch them one at a time? Or have some other time with them (zoo? Park? Picnic? Playground?) that doesn’t involve intense personal interaction indoors, but rather offers outside distractions to cut down on the Problem Child’s opportunities to torment his bro?
Oh, we’ll sit them, but I don’t know How I’ll handle the probs.
I’m depressed and disappointed.
Mods, please close this thread.
OK.