Agh! Dirty ol' Neighbour- advice?

In My Humble Opinion
1

For the last two years, I’ve had an allotment- for the benefit of those with no idea what that is, it’s a small plot of land, cheaply leased out by the local council or other group (mine’s a council one) for the purpose of growing your own food and flowers on.

Mine’s a pretty big site, maybe 200-300 people have plots there, including a lot of families with kids, but my plot’s hidden away in largely overgrown a corner, with only a few neighbours. I think I’m the youngest in that patch by a good 20 years.

Last year, one of my neighbours, a Spanish guy who’s maybe in his 60s or early 70s, came over to offer me some spare vegetables, and I realised he was sort of… hanging out of his pants. There was a hole, and his dick was literally dangling out.

At the time, I pretty much wrote it off as an accident (a lot of people pee on compost heaps, as it’s a lot easier than walking a few hundred yards to the toilet, and the nitrogen’s actually helpful, so I just assumed he’d been doing that, got distracted, and forgotten to tuck himself back in). Unfortunately, today has changed that. I was sitting on a chair, enjoying the rare sun, when he wandered up. He started chatting to me about how bad the weather’s been, and how bad the tomato blight is this year, then walked off down the path which leads round a corner to another plot, presumably to have a nose at how their plants are doing.

A few minutes later, I realised he was sitting on the grass round the corner, almost hidden behind a bush, watching me and masturbating.

I just packed up my stuff and went home without reacting, other than looking with a slightly disgusted expression in that direction, which was kind of a reflex.

I mean, I’m pretty sure he’s not an actual threat- I’m not in the least scared, merely pretty damn creeped out. I just have no idea what I should do- there’s little kids who play round there sometimes when their parents are busy, and the thought of one of them bumping in to that is horrible. However, I have no idea what his name is, so I can’t see the police would take a report on “elderly spanish guy wanking in bush except he’s gone now” very seriously. I might phone the council allotment office, and just let them know (the department is run by two fairly nice women), but again I’m not sure what they can do. They’re closed til tomorrow anyway.

I have no evidence of anything dodgy but what I saw (which was, as I said, half-hidden), and I don’t want to get personally confrontational- I can’t see how that would help. I don’t really care if he stays on the site or not, I just want the behaviour to stop. Any suggestions?

2

If you know where his plot is it should be easy for the police or council to find out his name.

Is there an allotment association? I would speak to them, the council and the police. This man has disturbed you while you are enjoying your allotment. You have a right to ask for help in getting him to stop. You don’t have to be the one who decides how serious his behaviour is or what the outcome should be.

3

Point and laugh.

4

For god’s sake call the police. I had an old man expose himself to me when I was a kid and it was pretty frightening stuff. You don’t want some poor kid to have that happen to them, do you?

5

If you truly don’t feel he’s a danger, and since this is in a quasi-public place with people around to hear you if you need help, I’d second TriPolar’s suggestion. Point and laugh, or give him a very disgusted look and a sharp, loud, “Stop that! That it *totally *inappropriate!” Summon your inner grandmother/stodgy librarian and be strong. He’s not interested in strong women, he’s interested in weak meek ones.

There are predators, and there are opportunists. The predators, you need professional help with. The opportunists are often dissuaded by a good shaming.

But of course, if that doesn’t work, call the people who rent you the plot and/or the police.

6

Hedge clippers in hands.
Evil grin displayed on face
Advancing slowly

‘¡Pene pequeño! ¡Pene pequeño! ¡Parece un cuello de pollo poco!’

7

Exposing himself and whacking off near you are kind of getting beyond the public nuisance stage. You need to tell someone.

8

Agreed. He could easily decide to do worse since this has all gone so well for him so far. Check with the allotment office. For all you know, there are other women out there who are thinking similar things about this neighbor.

9

Inappropriate sexual conduct sometimes come with senility. But, regardless, I agree with others. It’s worth reporting.

By the way, for future reference regarding the first incident. A guy knows if his penis is out or not. If you can see it, it’s never an “accident.”

10

It’s not very public- it’s right in the corner, which is half orchard and overgrown bushes, and it was pretty quiet down there today, nearest person was probably over 100 yards away, barely in shouting distance and out of sight, and they had their little girl there with them (she stays on Dad’s plot, so not likely to wander over, but I bet he’d not leave her there alone if he heard enough yelling to come over). I also have a sneaking suspicion that me trying to shame him would just stop him trying that shit with me. It doesn’t really bother me that much; it’s not the first time something like that’s happened, just the first time I vaguely knew the guy.

I think I’ll call the council- somewhere like that, in a locked site, by the time the police got there with a key, it’d be 20 minutes later at least, (and my plot’s as far from the gate as you can get) by which time he probably would have gone. Without him actually there with pants down, they wouldn’t be able to do anything without getting his name off the council, which won’t happen 'til they get back from work anyway.

And just to be sure, maybe I should just make sure I only go down there with the brush cutter in future…

11

There’s a really gossipy nice older lady who’s also in that corner- she talks to him a lot, and has never mentioned any issues with him apart from him being too bloody good at growing stuff, thus making her feel bad, so I reckon it’s just me on that site that’s had this happen so far. We’re the only single females in that corner (well, she’s married, but her husband shows up once a year when forced to cut the grass), everyone else is male or always comes down as a couple.

And the pants were battered ripped up things, the sort of thing people wear to hack thorn bushes back, sufficiently so that I really could believe he didn’t know how visible everything was- especially as I have encountered older guys who seemed to be a little unaware of that sort of thing before.

I think the council ladies will take it fairly seriously; if not, I will report it directly to the cops.

12

The guys can correct me if I’m wrong, but the penis strikes me as a sensitive enough organ that you’d notice if it was flappin’ in the breeze. The fact that he later started jerking off where - oops! - you could see him pretty clearly says this wasn’t an accident. Jerks get their jollies from other people being too polite to say anything when they do something totally inappropriate in public. I hope these incidents are taken seriously by your council ladies.

13

My limited experience of allotment committees would suggest they are a much more formidable force than the police.

14

Senility will often remove inhibitions, yes, and sometimes this manifests as sexually inappropriate conduct. And the guy needs to be watched. If he knows what he’s doing, then again, someone needs to know that he’s acting up.

Since this guy was masturbating in public afterwards, this has to be deliberate.

15

If there are children or vulnerable adults about then I’m of the belief that you do not have the option of just letting this go. You need to report it to the authorities be it the police (my choice) or the council, and let them investigate. Your report will lead to an investigation and they will make the appropriate decision regarding the danger that this chap poses.

You don’t mess about with child protection, the consequences of doing so can be devastating. He may be a harmless, senile old man or he may be an sex offender who is escalating his behaviour.

16

Possibly- but I think mine’s finished for the year, they don’t meet all year round, and I don’t even know who’s in it, apart from a guy who doesn’t like me, after I complained last year about a different neighbour, who dug up part of my plot and sprayed it with weedkiller (it used to be her plot, and I think she just didn’t want to let go). I thought that was a pretty reasonable compliant, he seemed to think I was being silly, seeing as I hadn’t got anything planted there.

I don’t intend to let it go anyway. The previous incident, which was a year ago, I was willing to give benefit of the doubt, but this can in no possible way be accidental.

Gardening, it’s such a relaxing hobby! :smiley:

17

Mild highjack, but…not always. Most times, sure, but it can happen. A friend of mine was out and about in a beach town, wearing a t-shirt and cut-off shorts. His willy managed to stick down out one of the legs. Someone pointed this out to him, and he was very embarrassed. It was fun counting how many different colors his face turned. He’s never worn short-shorts again.

(And, no, “a friend of mine” is not an euphemism for “me!”)

18

One word: YouTube.

That’ll end it.

19

My advice depends on your answer to this question: how good are you at hiding bodies?

20

Hm… She’d need to find someplace where digging wouldn’t be noticed. :smiley: