Ah, now. Erm... about those... shoes...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Really mundane. Really pointless. But I want to share.

My SO just phoned me from work. After the initial pleasantries, he took on a slightly nervous tone, as if about to broach a delicate subject.

Him: Ah, now, there’s something I need to ask you.
Me: What is it? (thinks “hmm, sounds delicate”)
Him: Erm… about those … shoes…
Me: What shoes? (thinks “What’s he on about?”)
Him: Those black shoes.
Me: Your shoes or my shoes? (thinks “there are several pairs of black shoes in this house, throw me a bone here”)
Him: Mine. Comfy ones.
Me: (as I realise what pair of shoes he means) Oh - the pull-on ones with elastic down the sides? The ones from Argos Additions?
Him: Yes, those ones.
Me: Well, what’s happened? Have they broken?
Him: No, they’re very good. I want some more.
Me: You phoned me up just to ask for shoes? (incredulous, with laughter)
Him: Yes. I didn’t know where we’d got them from.
I start laughing at this point, and 10 minutes later, I’ve only just stopped.
Me: And you use a tone of voice that people usually use for things like “erm… about the other night” or “darling… I think we should … erm… introduce a sheep into our relationship” - and - hahahahahaha - you’re broaching the delicate subject of buying you a pair of shoes?
Him: Yes.
Me: Heaven forbid - hahahahahaha - you should ever need to bring up a serious subject! “erm… about those shoes…”! hahahaha

I collapsed into hysterical laughter for a minute or so, and carried on laughing for a while, while I called him a big berk and told him I’d order the shoes online for him.

Berk.

No wonder he never asks for a blowjob.

2

What is this “berk” word which you use?
That is a truly funny story!
Is he normally such a serious communicator?

3

Berk, is, as I understand it, rhyming slang. The full expression is “Berkshire Hunt” to rhyme with…you know.
I’d have called him a big gir’s blouse, myself.

4

Big girl’s blouse, that is.

5

The rhyming slang origins of “berk” are largely forgotten. It isn’t treated as an obscene term in British English. It’s more twit than twat, as it were.

The man is an eejit, a silly arse, and a prune, and I love him very, very much.

sidle - Think not so much serious as tentative and oblique.

6

Ah, erm…about this…blowjob thing…are you waiting for him to ask you?

7

I had a similar start to a call from my friend the other day…I laughed for the rest of the afternoon.

Background to the story: T just got contacts about 2 weeks ago. As a job in first-year, I worked in an optometrists office, and he has asked on occasion for my input (i.e. “How long can I leave these in again?”) He is also a very quiet person, shy to the point of causing physical pain to people he hasn’t met, unless he is talking about science/phys./school stuff.
The story: I was at work, just getting ready to take off for lunch. The phone rings. I see that is is from the Chem Club room, and wonder if I am missing a meeting or something. The conversation went something like this:

A: Hello?
T: Umm…Hi…Arwen?
A: Hi, T, how are you?
T: umm…good…how are you?
A: I’m fine, thanks. What’s up?
T: Umm…hey, Arwen, can I ask you a question?
A: Of course. Shoot.
T: Umm…well, I got a little bored in class today…ummm…(pause)
A: (confused) Okaay? (At this point, I am wondering if he has blown something up, or inadvertently discovered that the world will end next week, or maybe even heard a good joke and just had to share…)
T: Well, I was kinda playing with my contacts…and…ummmm…well…one of them fell out. On the floor.
A: (snort of hastily caught laughter) Well, did you find it?
T: Yes, but now it’s all dirty and stuff, and I don’t know what to do with it.
A: (silence as I try very hard not to laugh)
T: It’s starting to look…crunchy around the edges…what should I do with it?
A: (regains control) Do you have any solution with you?
T: Solution?
A: Yeah, you know, the stuff that you use in the morning? Do you happen to have any in your bookbag?
T: Uhh…no…I don’t think so…do you have any?
A: Um, no. Listen, T, I was just about to leave for lunch, how about I grab some from the drugstore and bring it over? Just try not to let it get too dried out, OK?
T: Wait! How do I keep it from getting dried out? It’s starting to look pretty wrinkly…
A: I don’t know, I guess you really can’t do too much without a case or anything, just hang tight until I get there…see you in 10, sound good?
T: okay…
<end>

I was really wondering what in the world he was calling me for; I was going to the club for lunch that day anyway, so I knew it had to be something important, but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what he was trying to lead up to. And when he finally told me, it was such a contrast, and something only T would do, playing with his contacts in class, and then lose one, I laughed my way through the rest of the day.

Thanks, T.

[sub]On preview, the bolded part looks like either a strange DNA sequence, or the camera directions for a bad porn. No comments please. [/sub]

8

No, I don’t wait for him to ask.

9

Helpers for the English impaired? What does “a big girl’s blouse” mean?

10

Big Girls Blouse.

A woos (sp?)
A pussy (in the American vernacular - in Australia this means something completely different).
A male who is acting like a little girl.
Like a man who is afraid of a little itsy bitsy spider.
A straight male who is acting a little effeminate in a particular circumstance (not all the time - they get a different colloquilism for that).

HTH.