Really mundane. Really pointless. But I want to share.
My SO just phoned me from work. After the initial pleasantries, he took on a slightly nervous tone, as if about to broach a delicate subject.
Him: Ah, now, there’s something I need to ask you.
Me: What is it? (thinks “hmm, sounds delicate”)
Him: Erm… about those … shoes…
Me: What shoes? (thinks “What’s he on about?”)
Him: Those black shoes.
Me: Your shoes or my shoes? (thinks “there are several pairs of black shoes in this house, throw me a bone here”)
Him: Mine. Comfy ones.
Me: (as I realise what pair of shoes he means) Oh - the pull-on ones with elastic down the sides? The ones from Argos Additions?
Him: Yes, those ones.
Me: Well, what’s happened? Have they broken?
Him: No, they’re very good. I want some more.
Me: You phoned me up just to ask for shoes? (incredulous, with laughter)
Him: Yes. I didn’t know where we’d got them from.
I start laughing at this point, and 10 minutes later, I’ve only just stopped.
Me: And you use a tone of voice that people usually use for things like “erm… about the other night” or “darling… I think we should … erm… introduce a sheep into our relationship” - and - hahahahahaha - you’re broaching the delicate subject of buying you a pair of shoes?
Me: Heaven forbid - hahahahahaha - you should ever need to bring up a serious subject! “erm… about those shoes…”! hahahaha
I collapsed into hysterical laughter for a minute or so, and carried on laughing for a while, while I called him a big berk and told him I’d order the shoes online for him.
No wonder he never asks for a blowjob.