Ah, the happiness of childhood.

I know everybody’s seen it, even if it was back in grade school. A new teacher on the first day of school. The substitute. She finds the paper with the list of students on it, and settles in at the front of the class to take roll.

“Jimmy…St…St…Strangler? Strainger?” A nervous hand from the back of the room pops up. “Strayner ma’am. That’s me, I’m present.”

“Mo…Moj…Moha…um, Miss Adams?” “Yes that’s me, it’s Mojeh.”

And of course with each new mangling of a name came an excellent nickname that you were known as for the rest of your life. God, to think what my friends went through.

Then there were those kids that you knew had weird names that nobody could pronounce and you started giggling just knowing they were next on the list. My best friend in elementary school’s last name was Sununtnasuk. You said it “Soo-nun-too-naa-suk” but most people saw it and didn’t even try. Sunktansuck. Santaskun. Her dad was korean. Poor girl. Good thing she grew up to be drop dead gorgeous and humble and showed them all. Sunnysuck indeed.

Some kids went by their middle names instead of their first names, which were always the ones on the list. Instead of Charles you were known as Ben, and nobody but you and the teacher were permitted to know your real first name. To have the whole class of your peers find out that your first name was really Gaylord instead of James was sure to put a large dent in any acquired self-esteem.

It was at these times that I always wondered why parents would ever give their children names that would cause so much emotional pain as a youngster. I know about the whole “Boy Named Sue” idea but come on, I don’t think that is really necessary. A nice socially acceptable and not easily mangled first and last name should be your gift to your child.

Continued examples are welcome and encouraged.

:smiley:

Nice people, when confronted by a name that’s unfamiliar, take the trouble to learn to pronounce it, no matter how “socially unacceptable” it may be.

I grew up in the Chicago suburbs in the 1960s with lots of kids with Polish last names, like “Hovde” and “Wyczkowski”, and by golly every teacher worth his or her salt took the trouble to learn to pronounce those without mangling them comically.

So, what are your personal criteria for “socially acceptable” names? You mean like WASP names? Preppie names? Short, butch, one-syllable names for the boys, like Bob and Ted, and two-syllable names with the diminutive “-ee” ending for the girls, like Terry and Debbie and Connie?

Didn’t we already do a “why would anyone name a child this?” thread?

Admittedly feelin’ a teensy bit pissy about the subject, as I have one kid with a “Oh–[pause]–how quaint” weird name, one kid with a totally “socially acceptable” name, and one kid with a “oh, that’s a nice name–that is, in its longer form–but why do you call her by the rather dull and old-fashioned 1950s diminutive?” name.

“Because that’s what she wants to be called? Is that a good enough reason?”

Alright, sorry to ruffle anybody’s feathers, in case it wasn’t blatantly apparant that the entire post was made in jest. I don’t honestly believe that everyone should have socially acceptable names either, it wasn’t a serious statement and I hoped that the humorous undertones to the post would have come through for anybody reading it.

Guess not.

My SO is dead set on changing our surname to Jones so that he can name our first child Tuberculosis Jones - just because it scans well.

Fortunately for all concerned there are no immediate plans for parenthood. By the time there is I’m hoping he will have grown out of the idea.

I was lucky through elementary and high school. Despite the unusual last name, I was the third child from my family to have most of these teachers. That all changed when I went to a college 1200 miles from home. The first day of classes, as soon as the teachers got through the B’s and I heard “Laura…” with a long pause, I would pipe up and tell them how to pronounce it. Then I would tell them the origin of the name once they asked.

Never really bothered me though - although I always felt sorry someone I knew named “Jefferson George”.

Back in middle school I knew a fellow named Jim Crochworth – pronounced “crouch”, like somebody bending down. Whenever we had a substitute teacher you could just feel the excitment building as he/she read down the roll-call list.

“Caine, Susan”

“Here”

“Chen, James”

“Present”

“Connolly, Margret”

“Here”

“Crotchworth, James”

Entire class: "HEY JIM, WHAT’S A CROTCH WORTH?"

Jim: “Depends on how clean it is”!

Ba-bing!! A classic!

I grew up in mid-Missouri, which had plenty of German names, but not much other ethnic diversity. When I moved up to Chicago, I was the one staring slackjawed at a name I was supposed to pronounce. A polish name with 15 letters and no vowels except two Y’s. It took a long time to have even a decent ear for Polish names.