Now now people, we shouldn’t rush to judgement, let’s give peas a chance.
Instructionss to student:
First and foremost, try to get away but here is a case of cans in case you can’t.
So would a fruitcake be classified as a WMD?
Your honor, I’d like to clarify:
The initial charge against my client was shoplifting and he was not arrested at home.
He was, in fact, arrested at the supermarket!
–G!
This is a turrible idea. For all you know, the intruder might have a can opener!
It is oxymoronic to declare canned corn to be a weapon and simultaneously encourage kiddies to bring their new weapons to school. More typically, schools would have a absurdly strict zero-tolerance policy. Once corn is a weapon, then not a kernel will be tolerated on campus. (Hey, they’ve already done this to peanuts.)
And we’ve read those idiotic stories of school personnel riffling through the children’s bag lunches to make sure they only have school-approved vittles. Now, no more canned vittles for kids!
Just wait until the next food fight in the lunchroom.
Laugh all you want.
But there is a Thurber short story about a man who vanquished a bully and dog-beater by pelting him with canned food (in self-defense, of course) in a market.
I have faith that some Doper will remember the name of the story.
Hey! It worked for Crocodile Dundee!
This reeks of a tragedy in the making. It’s funny until some 6 year old gets shot because he dared to unzip and reach into his backpack when told to freeze. I’d rather they just run and hide, let the adults deal with fighting the bad guy.
But if we all carried open cans, the world would be a sloppier place.
However, I can see how this can work. Can you?
If you throw one of those 26-ounce “family size” cans, all you have to do is clip the guy on the arm and you’ll put him on the floor!
What if the attacker is armed with canned vegetables? Or even worse… fresh fruit?
We’ve done them.
Hell with cans why not glass jars? Bonus shrapnel.
Attempting to calculate the throw-weight of various canned foods, I sent off inquiries to producers asking if canned meat would be best.
My inbox is now filled with spam.
In all seriousness, the truly sad thing is I think this is a step up for Alabama. They are advocating for throwing canned goods rather than open carry.
Someone should start a rumor on a right wing blog that George Soros is buying a stake in Del Monte Foods and then watch the conspiracy theories roll in.
Gives a whole new meaning to the term, “Can of WhoopAss”.