I’m a 57 year non-drinker. I don’t socialize much and alcohol has played a pretty small part in my life. But as far as problem drinking/ alcoholism among people close to me, well… that seems excessive:
-My older brother is an AA-attending alcoholic
-My late father-in-law was an AA-attending alcoholic
-My closest adult friend (now estranged) is an alcoholic
-My sister-in-law’s younger sister recently died from organ failure related to excessive drinking
-Three of my closest friends in high school are/ were alcoholics (one died from alcohol poisoning)
-Many (a dozen?) not-super-close friends and associates have had their lives go to hell due to alcohol
Is that a lot or are alcohol problems just that ubiquitous?
Only one person you list is a blood relative, so I’m guessing alcohol problems are a thing among people you hang out with. Is there a heavy drinking culture where you live? England? Russia? Australia? Japan? Wisconsin?
Out of curiosity, you say you are a 57 year non-drinker. Is that how old you are, or did you quit drinking 57 years ago?
I live in the US. I don’t really hang out with anyone but family (including spouse’s family.) Perhaps that’s why I am surprised at how many people who are (or were) relatively close to me turned out to have a messy relationship with alcohol.
Somehow I managed to leave my spouse off the list. She may not be alcoholic but definitely has a problem with alcohol.
I stopped drinking when I developed Type 1 diabetes at age 20.
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Mother’s side of the family are almost 100% addicts of one kind or another; Dad’s side exhibits some compulsive behavior but not chemical/alcohol – more like compulsive hobbies. I feel there is something genetic within abuse but I think some is environment/social as well. Even though I’m a light side of social drinker I’ve spent a lot of time around bars; so its no surprise I know a lot of hardcore alkies. I also ride motorcycles and do other things people would consider risky; ditto there too. The best bet in telling if the almost of alcoholics around you is excessive, check bloodlines or social lines and take a SWAG from there.
My whole family are drinkers. Except me and one cousin. I can’t drink due to t1 diabetes. Not sure why my cousin doesn’t drink, she kinda left the core of the family. It’s definatly a genetic thing in my family. All my sibs are in various stages of Alcoholism, IMO. I worry worry about my kids. Son-of-a-wrek, I know has a problem. He’s dealing with a good deal of PTSD from his time in the Marines and deployments. At the moment he’s doing ok. Mid.Dau. drinks a little wine. She knows of the trouble drinking causes. Her husband has drinking issues. The lil’wrekker has not imbibed that I know of. She’s at a party college, so I worry. And I talk. I beg. I warn. I hope it’s getting to her.
It’s a wide cultural problem around here. The little village I go to has 2 bars, a giant liquor store, 2 scary gas stations that sell alcohol, a Dollar General that sells alcohol. No grocery store. 'Cause if you can’t buy food you can at least maintain a good drunk. And why not?
And poverty, terrible poverty. Which just adds to the problem. Or causes it, maybe.
There are so many people with drinking problems that it does not seem to me to be unusual that you know a few.
“A new study published in JAMA Psychiatry this month finds that the rate of alcohol use disorder, or what’s colloquially known as “alcoholism,” rose by a shocking 49 percent in the first decade of the 2000s. One in eight American adults, or 12.7 percent of the U.S. population, now meets diagnostic criteria for alcohol use disorder, according to the study.”
My dad’s an alcoholic, but mom doesn’t drink. All of mom’s sisters’ husbands were alcoholics and are now dead. None of my aunts drink. They’re all baby boomers.
My brother married an alcoholic. My boyfriend and his brother are alcoholics. Neither myself nor my brother drink. We’re Gen Xers. My cousins (sons of the aforementioned drunk uncles) aren’t alcoholics but they do enjoy drinking to a degree.
Only one friend I can think of has had problems with alcohol. Most do drink, though. I’m usually the odd one out when it comes to nights out.
It’s genetic in my family as well as in my ex-husband’s family. I think people who come from families that drink tend to socialize with people who drink because it seems normal and familiar. My first cousin and my Uncle are alcoholics, as well as my Mom who finally went to AA at the age of 78, two years before she died. Better late than never I guess? I had a problem with alcohol myself but kicked it over 20 years ago, right around the time I got divorced. When I was younger all of my friends were drinkers and going to the local bar was the thing to do. I had one friend who died from alcoholism, his liver was shot. My son is 31 now and I impressed on him that alcoholism runs in both sides of his family so it’s best to stay away from it, and he’s taken it to heart.
But no, the number of people you list does not seem extraordinary to me. There are alcoholics in my family and my circle of friends and acquaintances as well.
That doesn’t seem like a lot to me, but it may be confirmation bias - my dad and both my ex-husbands were/are alcoholics who don’t believe they have a problem w/ alcohol. If you consider hiding that you drink and drunk driving a problem, all 3 have a problem w/ alcohol.
Our definition/acceptance of problem drinking has changed over the years. Someone who had a few beers after work, a couple of martinis, a few glasses of wine with dinner and a night cap or two might not have been looked at as weird as long as they made it to work. It’s only now we are realizing those people were dying of massive heart attacks at 56 with pre-diabetes, limited liver function and pancreatitis.
Going through a similar inventory as the OP, in my past I seemed to become good friends with a number of people who did not make it out the other side with their alcohol problems. And, when I knew them I was aware of their families and that brought to sharp relief the inherited tendencies. So, it seems to be something in my personality that I ended up attracted to alcoholics as friends.
Now, when I step back and add those into the total count the of people that are family, or that I was work friends with, or other types of friends with, who were not alcoholics (that I was aware of), the 12.7% of population number doesn’t seem too far off.
I currently know none. I’ve only known two in my life. Both were teachers at my private high school. One was my homeroom teacher and he was gone by the end of the year. The other one my math teacher. Two years later we all went to her funeral.
That is probably low compared to most people.
My grandparents are hardcore teetotalers. My parents pretty much never drink, mostly out of apathy. I sometimes have a beer with a friend or coworker.
Our church is officially not anti-alcohol, but I think the sentiment is still in the culture. If our church friends drink, they don’t talk much about it or bring out the booze at parties.
I come from a long line of teetotalers, so we’ve had precious few problems in the family. The only wet alcoholic I know is a member of my writing group. He always did have a problem with drinking, but about three years ago it went from “often drinks too much” to “can’t hold a job, essentially checked out on life.” As always, it’s a sad deal. He used to be an integral part of shared social activities – going to movies, road trips, general nights out. Now he gets home from work, goes to his room (he lives with his mom and sister), and drinks vodka until he passes out. He got into AA a couple of years ago, and that seemed to be a great influence, but it didn’t last.
2Bits, you have a lot of alcoholics/problem drinkers in your circle, but that’s not unusual for a lot of family/social/religious/vocational groups. It’s par for the course for musicians. I knew a lot of alcoholics back when I was a regular in the blues scene, but most of them are dead now. Mickey Mantle once said that about half of his Yankee teammates were alcoholics. There may be a genetic component to the disease, but there’s a contagious aspect as well.
My mom’s family is filled with alcoholics/addicts. My dad’s family never drank other than wine occasionally with a special meal (they were from Italy).
My mom drank when my sisters and I were kids, but nothing that stood out to us at the time. She loved beer. After my dad died at the age of 54 (heart) her drinking slowly increased. (I think my dad kind of made sure she didn’t drink to excess while he was alive.) Eventually, her drinking got out of hand. She and her sister would go out to “eat” every night and then she’d drive home drunk. When it was at it’s worse, she was slightly drunk throughout the day. My sisters and I finally somewhat forced treatment. She didn’t resist. Both my mom and aunt have now been sober for over 10 years. Thank God.
I have 3 sisters, only one, my youngest sister, has the addiction gene. She has had issues with prescription drugs. Alcohol has never really interested me. I used to have a beer once in a while but haven’t had anything in years. My other two sisters are the same way.
My husband’s family is riddled with alcoholism too. He started having issues with it when our son was diagnosed with cancer. He finally realized what was happening and has not had a drink in over 4 years. Was he an alcoholic? Maybe, I’m not sure. His drinking did cause problems, so probably. His dad was an alcoholic and died quite young.