all about my panties

The BBQ Pit
1

first off, I hate the word panties. It seems so sexual. When someone refers to little girl panties, it creeps the fuck out of me. They are Underwear, underpants, undies for the kidlets. Panties is just so vile, unless you are talking in an adult sexual manner.

What is up with the briefs? There is no way in hell that briefs fit me, even hi-cut briefs that seem sexy, but are not. I’d have to fold those fucking grannie-pannies down six times to fit into my old 80’s jeans that come over my belly button, not to mention the lower riding jeans I have now. Yet, somehow they are always in my size. They are the ones my mom bought me for years. Hanes Her Way cotton briefs.

Bikini cut? Fine. Great. Well, sometimes. It seems that everytime I put them on, the front rides low and the back rides up pretty high…so much so that they run the risk of poking out of my jeans. I have to buy the smallest size to compensate. Extra smalls and size 5…they are still too damn big for me. What the hell did women wear in the 70’s with the last low-rider look??

Thongs? On occasion. Really, they don’t fit me either. They are either way high up (see hi-cut brief) so I have to fold them down or they ride up in the back. Gents, do you know what happens when a thong “rides up” in the back. It’s called a veggie, a frontal wedge and other funny descriptions fit for cameltoe.org. Then of course, the 2 by 1/2 inch liner is right in the taint. Why bother in the first place!? And, of course, the constant feeling that you have a traditional wedgie…And trust me, I’ve seen this look in the mirror, no matter now thin you are, how toned your ass, it just looks goofy naked. Perhaps it is cute to see a hint of a thong through your clothes, but once the cottage cheese is actually visible in the light of day, it ain’t no picnic for the eyes, none the less a feast.

I have cute undies, see through undies…and always a liner issue…

Disjointed liners: what is up with this? I have several high-end underthings where the front of the liner is not connected to the actual underpant part. The back always is, but not the front. The front can crease down and get into the naughty place…what the hell is this for? Please, if someone knows the answer, let me know. Really. What is it for? Stashing a doobie?

Besides the liner issue, there is the tag issue. I have see-through underthings, expensive lacy things that have the damn tag stitched into the band. What, the and fuck are the only 3 words that come to mind. There is nothing sexier than seeing a ladies cute bottom and then having your eyes roam to the tag sticking down a half and inch into her crack. If you cut it off, you are still left with some odd sort of tag dingleberry that drives into you and puckers the fabric.

I have a drawer filled with different variations of the same problem. Everyday is a match up with what particular pair I should wear with the pants…Will I have VPL? Can I stand having my anus flossed throughout the day? Will my tag flip up and poke out at the most inappropriate time. Will I ever find a pair that I like?

I think the only redeeeming quality of the current state of women’s underthings is the fact that you can still roll them down the leg and kick them off your foot into the laundry basket. 2 points for me

Ahh, big thoughts for a Sunday night.

2

Hey don’t feel bad. Us fat chicks have the same problem except for the undies (high cut briefs) that ride over the hips all the way to the underside of your damn boobs. WTF is up with that?

3

I stopped wearing panties and thongs for the same reasons!

4

Going commando then, Brutus? Something about doing that in jeans with all that scratchy material gathering in the sweet-spot is just not right with me.

Oh, and pencil, I understand your issues. My mom and one of my very close friends is on the heavy side of the game. I actually had a conversation with my friends about this very matter which prompted her to show me just how close her panty-waistline and her bra come together. It’s like they were in a race to hook up with each other and produce some weird intimates experimental hybrid.

5

All true conservatives ‘free-ball’ it.
I want everyone to think about that, the next time they see Rummy or Rove on TV…

6

A clever plan, that-- have 'em all going foetal under the bed when they ought to be out voting.

7

You evil man.

8

Funny, I read the thread title and I started flashing back to Steeleye Span:

All about my panties
I will wear a green ribbon . . .

Ahh, Maddy, I’ve never cared what kind of panties you wore, just as long as I could have a shot at that green ribbon

And yes, I do know it was All Around My Hat

9

Everyone who free-balls it eventually has an unfortunate encounter with a zipper. That’s what I’ll be thinking about next time I see Donald Rumsfeld.

Thanks, Brutus, you’ve made my day.

10

Why do you think Rummy is grimacing all of the time? Getting the ol’ Mk.82s caught in a zipper every now and again makes a man out of you, right quick…

11

Dang, the OP got me all worked up!

I wonder if the wife is asleep yet… :wink:

12

The testicles of the proletariat shall not be restrained in the cotton gauntlets of classist oppression! Marxist-Leninist doctrine clearly tells us that true freedom can only be attained with the liberation of the scrotum.

13

I learned something new today.

“Veggie”?

:eek:

14

What Benjamin Franklin might have said about the matter:

15

I think you should read you some Piers Anthony.

16

ROTFLMAO!!! sj2, you are a genius. You made my day. And I sympathize, all the way.

17

Try the “Barely There” line of underwear. SUPER comfy, not nasty grannie looking, and suit their purpose.

18

And if that doesn’t work. Dick Cheney wears big, moth holed gramma panties.

19

Gawd. You people are evil.

Brutus, if you’re going to force me to think about Rummy’s genitalia, consider Hillary in HER underwear. An over-the-shoulder-bolder-holder and granny panties.

Robin, who is going to climb under the covers and suck her thumb in shock.

20

I wish I had an ice cream scoop to take to my own brain.