Well, what about that preacher-man she seduced? 
One critic asked: “Like what, the secret MAN handshake?”
as I’ve mentioned before on this Board, I’ve seen the sheet music for this song, and there are lyrics for a male singer, should one ever want to perform tyhios song. They’re even worse than the recorded female lyrics. Someone mentioned that the male version has actually been recorded. I’ve never heard it, and don’t want to. It has to be #1 on the Hit Parade on Hell’s Jukebox.
I either have the songs on my iPod or plan on getting them. My goal is to create the ultimate collection of crap music in the world until it finally reaches critical mass.
The one song, though, that I can’t stand with every fiber of my being is 96 Tears by ** ? & the Mysterians**. I don’t care if they had number one hits from now till doomsday. I don’t care if the lead singer won a Grammy in every category including best caterer at a Bas Mitzvah. I don’t care if the band donated their earnings to save starving naked mole rats in Madagascar.
The band, the writer, the producer, the owner of the recording studio and the president of the record label should be locked in a soundproof cell and forced to listen to that song on a continuous loop until their eardrums pop, they are bleeding from their eye sockets and are begging for mercy. Then, and only then, will we grant them release by clubbing them over the head with the f’ing organ used to record this excuse for music.
You want to know how much I hate this song? I had a 1971 Buick Electra when I was in high school. It was mint condition, everything perfect except for the radio which was stuck on one station and could not move.
The song came on and I went to turn the radio off. The knob broke off in my hand. Not only couldn’t I turn the song down, there was no way to turn it off. I reached into my glove compartment, pulled out a hammer I kept in there (I carried a lot of weird things in my glove compartment) and smashed the radio until merciful silence fell upon the car. My friend, sitting in the passenger seat, said that I never made a sound and my facial expression never changed. He said that he had never seen such violence inflicted on a mechanical device by such a calm person.
Funny you should bring this up…
eyes erie774 with suspicion
Whistles, looks up, walks away slowly….
Staff Sgt. Barry Sadler actually charted in the top 30 with his follow-up, “The A-Team” in 1966, so no one-hit status here. Agree wholeheartedly on your other two choices, though.
I’m a big fan of “one-hit wonders”, and the collection amassed thus far has been impressive, to say the least. I actually like a good number of the songs mentioned, including “Run Joey Run”(teenage pregnancy, child abuse and murder–all in under 3 minutes! How can you not love it?). Now, if I may be permitted to tap into my radio listening past, not to mention show my age :eek: , I submit the following for the Teeming Millions’ (dis)approval:
Stay Awhile by The Bells–An American answer to Je T’aime (Moi Non Plus) by Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin; possibly the first Top 40 hit to be so overt in its sexual content. It got airplay in NY, but I’m not sure if other markets
played it.
How it makes me quiver,
How it makes me smile ,
With all this love I have to give her,
Guess I’m gonna stay with her awhile.
BLEAH!
Desiderata by Les Crane–Anyone who thinks Baz Luhrman’s “Sunscreen” record is a pretentious piece of claptrap needs to listen to this one. The granddaddy of all New Age-y, spaced-out poster fodder, it’ll have you clubbing baby seals within the first thirty seconds.
Put Your Hand in the Hand by Ocean–A product of the “Jesus-freak” mini-era of the early 70’s. Possibly the only religious-themed record worse than “You Light Up My Life”–only because YLUML could conceivably be about something else.
I can dimly remember a song (not really, a monologue) that seemed to be played a lot in the early 1960’s-it was a tear-jerker about an army private sentenced to hard labor for playing cards in church. He (the soldier) is asked by an officer to explain his conduct-and the private launches into a discourse about how a deck of cards reminds him of the 12 apostles, Jesus’ sacrifice, the 10 tribes of Israel, the 10 commandments, etc.,etc.,etc…it winds up with the court martial dropping the charges! What a piece of crap-but the DJs kept playing it, ad nauseum!
Those are two abortions which would better be forgotten, and the mention of “New Age-y spaced-out poster fodder” reminds me of the equally hideous Good Morning Starshine, which my class was forced to sing in grade school. It’s ineligible for this thread because “Oliver” somehow charted other equally awful “hits”.
I’m amazed at the amount of swill people have exhumed in this thread. The human capacity for writing, recording, and worst of all, buying glurge is far deeper than I had guessed.
Something primal in the human spirit seems to crave the banal and pathetic. None of us are immune–nay, not you, nor I, nor any one of us. I think I’ll write a spoken-word ballad about it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’ll could almost let the slagging on “Tighten Up” go by (almost), but “96 Tears” is one of the greatest songs of all time. Definitely in my top 5 ever. Now, I understand tastes differ – you may dislike it – but there’s no way it’s even close to one of the worst songs ever, one-hit wonder or no. And of course, ? and the Mysterians had at least one other hit with “Little Red Riding Hood”.
Let’s put it this way – according to AllMusic.com, at least 30 other acts have covered “96 Tears”, including Aretha Franklin, Iggy Pop, Tom Tom Club, Jimmy Ruffin, Todd Rundgren, The Modern Lovers, and Inspiral Carpets. How many other songs mentioned in this thread could you say the same about?
I HATE THIS F%^%ING SONG!!!
Yeah, but at least it inspired the National Lampoon Radio Hour’s parody of it, “Deteriorata”:
Bzzzt. “Little Red Riding Hood” was by Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs, a 2-hit wonder–their other hit being “Wooly Bully”.
?/Mysterians are truly a 1HW.
Nitpick: The Bells were Canadian. From this cite:
Problem here is similar to some other songs in the thread. In Canada, at least, they weren’t one-hit wonders: for example, before “Stay Awhile,” their “Fly Little White Dove Fly” made the Top10 on the Canadian charts in December 1970.
Dear God. I REMEMBER THIS.
My wayback machine offers Transfusion.By Nervous Norvus in 1956.
I can end this debate right now:
Summer Girls by LFO :eek:
And that’s the GOOD part!
Do I win?
BTW, if they’re not a one hit wonder, they SHOULD be!
http://lyricsdownload.com/nervous-norvus-transfusion-lyrics.html Lyrics to transfusion . No you do not win…
I like bad songs, in a so-bad-it’s-good way. I recognize every song in this thread. Hell, I OWN most of the songs in this thread. And here are four I can’t believe haven’t been mentioned yet.
D.O.A. by Bloodrock. It makes Transfusion sound like “The Happiest Girl in the Whole U.S.A.”
The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia by Vickie Lawrence. Yes, the same Vickie Lawrence who was Mama in Mama’s Family.
Timothy by The Bouys. Tired of songs about car wrecks? How about a mine disaster and cannibalism.
Indiana Wants Me by R. Dean Taylor. “This is the police. You are surrounded. Give yourself up.” Probably why R. Dean Taylor never had a follow-up.
Oh gods, I had completely forgotten this one.
Thanks a buttload.