almost walked off the job

I am one of the few people on earth who can take a straight piece of pipe, and through arcane rituals and something called a brake-press, convert it into a pipe which contains a curve.

And not just one curve. Yes, after the first curve is applied, I can continue on and make other curves. I could go on about this for hours. Really, I can. And I will. You see, as one of the few pipe curvers on the face of the earth, I have many enemies, enemies who wish to learn the secret of the brake-press and the arcane rituals that give me my power. But I do not give such tokens lightly.

Recently a so called coworker offered me a 1972 AMC Javelin for an opportunity to have a shot at applying a single curve to a chromium-steel pipe. “Young fool” I told him, “The 308 in that sumbitch has worn out valves and would need a new cam. Plus I only listen to sparkomatic stereos. You come back to the Curvester when you have stomething to talk about.”

Later we were showering each other off in the group shower, when I realized he had something of a curved pipe of his own. Our eyes met, and he looked down at me, and then our eyes met again and I took one step closer… Wait, I don’t want to tell that one. I don’t remember eating his ham!

So the next day he tells my boss, that total bitch Mr Stevens, that I turned down an offer of a 72 Javelin with big ass Mickey Thompsons on the year and twenty pounds worth the hamburger meat.

“20 pounds with the hamburger meat?” Stevens said, “Is your ass crazy? You go teach him how to curve that pipe”

“He aint got no hamburger meat and those aint Mickey Thompson slicks, they’re just got damn bahld tires.” I says to him.

And they docked me two hours pay. Christ I get so mad. I recently bolted two old Vespas together to make a kind of car and I have to pay that off or else I’d walk OFF THE JOB, Right now. There’s a huge demand for people who can work with high technology like wheels, or make pipes that are straight curvy, and that’s just what I am going to do.

Right on brother. I think.

Bender?

Que? I’s confuzzled.

Huh?

It’s simple folks:

“72 Javelin” is code for something else. The ham in the shower, in dream analysis signifies a deeply hidden desire to have a man named Mickey Thompson shave your head.

The hamburger meat is just hamburger meat. It means nothing.

And you wanna see a pipe bend? Come here, I’ll show you a pipe bending.

It’s a dadaist OP, I think.

I think someone ate all of their kids’ Halloween candy and is hallucinating now.

You must have awesome bong making skills.

Uncle Larry?

I reckon that he’s doing some sort of a homework project related to psychology,art or creative writing and is fishing for reactions as some sort of feedback to relay to his tutor.
If he was stoned out of his mind there would be a lot more typos etc.

Or of course it could be simple attention seeking.

Ah well it takes all kinds even if I DO feel that he has just wasted two minutes of my life with that drivel.

He should take his show on the road. Street corners eat up this shit.

He forgot to mention pipe cleaners. Of course it doesn’t make any sense without pipe cleaners. Jeesh.

You know, I was really enjoying the first few sentences of that OP. I was excited to see where he was going with it, and how it would resolve itself. Then it just went to crap.

It was the Phantom Menace of OPs.

I was good until it got to the sparkomatic stereos.

Pete Puma?

Other specialized experts here can make their jobs and problems comprehensible to me even if I’ve never thought about their subject matter at all prior to that thread. Tuckerfan’s rants about Braaad and Pete Puma, for example, were perfectly understandable even though I’d probably hurt myself badly if I were put within five feet of a working lathe.

Bwahhahhaahaaaaahaahaaaaaaa!

It dissolved into the flow of boltin’ vespa…

My cat’s breath smells like catfood.