Mine: I was a Junior Officer (JO) on a Navy Submarine. One watchstation JOs commonly stand is Engineer Officer of the Watch (EOOW), which is the man in charge of the dozen-or-so sailors in the Engine Room (ER). The EOOW sits behind a desk in Maneuvering (the control room for a submarine’s Engine Room and Nuclear Power Plant) with 3 Nuclear-trained sailors in front of control panels.
Normally every hour, one ER watchstander, the Auxiliary Electrician Aft (AEA), goes around the entire ER logging various electrical readings. One of these readings is in Maneuvering- checking the Auxiliary Interior Communications (Aux IC) circuit- basically pulling a switch and making sure a bunch of lights come on (which demonstrates that the IC ckt is working blah blah blah). This switch is located essentially right behind where the EOOW sits- so the AEA has to stretch and reach around the EOOW to test it.
If the EOOW is bored (and most 6-hour watches involve a lot of boredom), he may initiate the Aux IC Challenge. The EOOW will slowly and dramatically stand up from the desk and glare at the AEA. The AEA will ostentatiously slam down his log-papers, freeing up his hands. In the AUX IC Challenge, the goal for the AEA is to get around the EOOW (in the cramped space of Maneuvering) and flip the switch to test the Aux IC Circuit. The goal for the EOOW is to physically eject the AEA from the Maneuvering space. All the advantage is to the AEA (typically a very junior Electrician’s Mate), because he just needs to get around the EOOW. The EOOW has to keep the AEA from getting around him while at the same time wedging open a heavy door, expelling the AEA, and closing the door.
The EOOW usually loses. But much fun is had by all.
We’d do regular cell searches every day. The guard takes the prisoner out of his cell and lock him in another empty cell and then searches the prisoner’s cell for weapons or other contraband.
Meanwhile, the guard back in the control room is bored so he might decide to play games and try to lock the searching guard inside the cell. The thing is he can’t just close the door; they’re slow moving and the guard in the cell will easily be able to jump out of the cell before the door closes.
So the control room guard has to use psychology. He close the door like an inch and the guard will jump out. So he’ll stop the door and the other guard will go back in. So he’ll close it another inch and he jumps back out. The object is to close the door one inch at a time like this. Of course, the guard in the cell knows this and he’s going to insist on having the door re-opened all the way before he goes back into the cell.
The next phase is to open and close the door an inch at a time. The control room guard is trying to get the searching guard to the point where he ignores the door moving and stops coming out of the cell each time it moves. Then the control room guard actually closes it all the way before the searching guard reacts.
Communications are also a key tactic. The searching guard will communicate messages like “Knock this fucking shit off! I’m trying to do a fucking search here!” while the control room guard communicates messages like “Okay, I promise. I won’t touch the controls any more.”
There’s a semi-new trend in libraries, “Patron-Driven Acquisition”, abbreviated PDA. I am so glad my library uses the DDA (Demand-Driven) because I’d giggle every time I had to say or write PDA.
In LC classification, the bible and books about the bible fall into the BS call numbers.
The #totebag and #bunhead hashtags on twitter are intended to be very amusingly snarky.
“What is the difference between a Professional Drummer and a large pizza?”
“A large pizza can feed a family of four”
there are also Guitarist, Singer, Tour Manager, etc all playing on stereotypes plus…
“What is the definition of perfect pitch?”
“When the Accordion hits the Banjo on its way into the dumpster”
But the big game one on tour, and almost every tour including the huge ones is someone is designated as THE GAY/PEDOPHILE, the rules are this person cannot actually be a homosexual or child rapist (Gary Glitter tours must have been weird) as that would reduce the fun, you are to be be as cruel and creepy as possible. You must use every opening, every slip of the tongue and every time he is chatting up a girl to strike, you must be relentless. Eventually he will do the work for you and then you win, oh but you must never stop.
I take inbound calls at an insurance company. The claim adjusters I know all end up with funny stories eventually. I take new claims, so occasionally I run across a gem. Nothing funny ever really happens in our office, so I hope this qualifies!
The funniest claim I ever took was for an employee at one of those bouncy-castle places. He was a 17-year-old guy who was preparing to disassemble a bouncy-castle thingie with a female coworker. In an attempt to impress her, he went to do a backflip from a stepladder into the castle. But someone had already detached the air hose that powers it, so it looked inflated but couldn’t bear weight. He hit the ground and fractured his elbow!
I’m a computer programmer, and one day I was explaining to my family the meaning of a certain common phrase that someone in my profession might use to describe when the customer thinks there’s a problem with the software, but this in fact was designed that way intentionally. Upon hearing the phrase and its meaning, my oldest son came up with this zinger:
“Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!”
“That’s not a bug, that’s a feature.”
OK, so this jazz group was running down a piece in 7/8 time, and every time they started it up, the drummer would get way off. The leader stopped the band and asked the drummer, “What’s going on over there? You know it’s in 7/8 right?” The drummer replied, “Yeah, I know.” So the leader asked, “How are you counting it?” To which the drummer replied, “one-two-three-four-five-six-se-ven, one-two-three-four-five-six-se-ven…”
I used to work for a company that handled advertising for jewelry stores. We had a poster that said, “The Aquamarines are Looking for a Few Good Women.”
I’m a lawyer. Got a client charged with writing a hot check. Called the DA to resolve the matter. He gave me the amount of restitution and court costs. I asked him if my guy could write a check for it…
A guy in the programming group down the hall looks remarkably like the Dos Equis guy. He has a still from the commercial tacked outside his cube. The caption says, “I don’t always test my code, but when I do, I prefer to test in Production”.
