Operatic bears: Trail is open, but beware of rock slides.
Panda bears – trail will remain open, as pandas are not found in this portion of the world anyway.
-“BB”-
The Queen’s Own Bears - still standing stiffly erect, mourning Her Majesty. Should be so okay as long as you don’t whisper “Chuck and Camilla” to them.
Radioactive bears - Trail will remain closed for 10,000,000 years until radioactivity returns to background levels
Sarcastic bears - People who are particularly sensitive to snide comments are advised to avoid the trails until a team of quick-witted comedians can be assembled to shame the bears away.
Threatening bears, leave the trail open, they haven’t eaten anybody in, well a week.
Ultimate Bears - it doesn’t matter if the park is open or closed; if they want you, they’ll get you.
Virtual Bears: Don’t close the trail and turn off those goddam electronic devices when you are in the woods.
Wimpy bears: Don’t bother closing the trail, they will run away when you approach.
X bears. Not to worry – all the x’s live in Texas.
Yinzer bears: Trail will remain open for Pennsylvania residents only.
Zen bears - The biggest mistake is you think you have time.
Additional bears - just when you thought it was safe to open the park, here they come
Bored bears - Closed for two days because the bears, desperate for something to do, will take a swipe at anyone who walks by. The staff will need a couple of days to collect some new board (pun intended) games to keep them occupied.
Confused bears: The trail will be closed for two days while we round them up and lead them to the high meadows.
Dandy bears: Trails will be open to fops, rakes, and bon vivants.
Evangelical bears: Do not close trail. Just keep eyes straight ahead and give a polite but firm “no thank you” to their leaflets.
French ours. Say “bonjour” and “adieu” and you should be okay.
Gibbous bears: The trail is open but don’t stare too long. They might cry. They can’t help being 2/3 there.
Hairy bears. The trail is open, but watch where you step.