Impassable bears. Trail is closed. You SHALL NOT PASS!
Jocular bears: Trails will remain open, until they become annoying.
Kinky bears. Park stays closed. They will fuck with more than your mind.
Legitimate bears: Do not close trail. Nothing to be concerned with here. These bears have done nothing wrong and any so-called bear attack is a hoax made up by terrible people who do not like nature.
Mansplaining bears: Closed to female hikers to spare them embarrassment.
Narcoleptic bears: Parks remain open. Bears will likely drop off to sleep in the middle of an attack.
Paralytic bears.
Park is safe but stays closed as head ranger needs the time to rebuild his hooch still.
Quote Bears: “To close to trail or not to close the trail. That is the question.”
Rueful bears: don’t be fooled by the mournful faces, they’re just sorry they didn’t get you the last time.
Shakespeare bears: they know that one of his stage directions is “Exit, pursued by a bear”–and that the bear kills the character it pursues. Trail cannot reopen until these bears are secured.
Tintinnabulating bears: Trial will be closed until the ringing subsides.
Overlooked Bears: Rangers will kinda forget to close the park; proceed at your own risk.
Unalphabetical bears: Trail closed while bears reminded of letter sequence.
Volumetric bears.
Park stays closed until we figure out just how many there are loose in the grounds,
Wussy bears - Trail will remain open until further notice.
When did it switch from “trail” to “park” ?
Are they synonymous ?
I think we should be told.
**X-**Bears - The park can be open as they mutant superhero bears protect the humans from evil-doer bears. (Though you should probably be wary of the Wolverine Bear.)
Yokelish bears who plum can’t figure out whether they are on a trail or in a park. Proceed with caution
Zoned-out bears: Close trail or park until bears sober up and figure out not to park on a trail or trail you in a park.
Argumentative Bears: The trail is closed until someone wins an argument with a bear. Which is never.
Beetlejuice Bears: the park remains open until someone says it three times.